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bearcat22

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Long ago I saw a cartoon in a magazine.

The image was looking down into a large bookstore with many aisles.
The store was very crowded, with individuals by themselves staring at different shelves.

Each person had a thought balloon over their head, all saying the same thing:

"I'm so lonely"
 
Agreed. Too bad there are also many people with a bubble over their heads saying 'unfairly high standards'. Anyway, welcome to the gang. :)
 
hewhowalksalone said:
Too bad there are also many people with a bubble over their heads saying 'unfairly high standards'.
So you think it's judgmental of me to only want to speak with hot nympho's? How unfair of you!
 
*starts to spray you down with a hose*
Don’t get that wet dog smell in my house! 

😜
 
hewhowalksalone said:
Agreed.  Too bad there are also many people with a bubble over their heads saying 'unfairly high standards'.  Anyway, welcome to the gang. :)


Well, I suppose that depends a good deal upon what you call "unfair".

Based upon a pretty fair bit of experience looking at, for example, personals ads online placed by 
both men and women, I'd say a more accurate way to put it is these persons have "unrealistically high standards".

This might be due to the fact that in such a wealthy nation, we have so much choice, and so many choices are so good and 
there is so much competition to drive down price.

Perhaps this attitude emerges because our culture states that our personal value is directly measured by
what we are directly connected to, such as a specific home, car, job, income or relationship partner.

I am not an advocate of anyone being shamed into feeling completely hopeless, but I do think that everything 
has to be earned, and I do think that affection is earned by actions and traits.

It is obvious that an incredible number of people with virtues get overlooked and rejected.  
I could be mistaken, but I am pretty confident in saying that males bear 99 per cent of the brunt of rejection in all aspects of our society.

Women, by contrast,  appear now to be led by literally insane fanatics telling them that no matter if they fail or no matter if they deliberately make themselves unhealthy, they are perfect, and physically beautiful and equal and deserve special treatment and all the money and benefits they can carry away, and they are al victims of  men who are all evil.   And no, folks, that's not at all an exaggeration.


Men are no better. The reality of biology is that 99 per cent of men are literally superfluous, useless.
Yet all these profoundly mediocre men expect to be loved just like mommy did.   Sorry timmy.  Not likely to happen.

And of course there are the alphas, some of them clearly phony.

These are of course the men the women WILL accept, then next week they will be crying by the water
cooler about how he used her and dumped her, and all she REALLY wants is a NICE GUY.

No you don't.  If you wanted a nice guy, you had your pick of literally THOUSANDS.
And some of you do pick one, get married, make his life hell, and still have sex with the "bad boys" and get away with it.
 
I recognize myself in your words. 
I will be the first to admit that I tend to fall for the so-called bad boys. 
And yes, I have been the one to cry over a situation I chose to put myself in. 
I’m finding it hard to get out of that cliché. 
I think that I had that natural attraction to bad boys that almost every women out there has, but then it got amplified by my life. 
Oh well. We all got our struggles.
😝
 
Jessicat said:
I recognize myself in your words. 
I will be the first to admit that I tend to fall for the so-called bad boys. 
And yes, I have been the one to cry over a situation I chose to put myself in. 
I’m finding it hard to get out of that cliché. 
I think that I had that natural attraction to bad boys that almost every women out there has, but then it got amplified by my life. 
Oh well. We all got our struggles.
😝


I would have to agree that it is a natural attraction.   Taking risks, often involving breaking rules, 
somewhat increases the chances of success.  Kill more deer, and you get your pick when you get back
to the cave.  Kill more rivals, same thing.  You are a murderer, but again, you get your pick of women when you get 
back to the cave.

And that is what nature intends. The most vicious, successful tough men get to pass on genes.  The other men die off.
Just the way it is, right up to modern life now.  Although most men live in silent desperate humiliation that they are pretty much worthless, they 
still work and give so we allow them to at least live.

What isn't natural is the bitterness or remorse or sadness of the woman after the risk taker
has "hit it and quit it".

You thought he was going to just hang around and keep killing deer just for you?
What's in it for him? Pretty much nothing, he has his pick of all the women, and you knew 
that BEFORE you offered him sex.

But it really is the icing on the cake that so many women INSIST that they want a "nice guy" 
saying this loudly and over and over.   So, why exactly do they treat nice guys like dirt?


I had an interesting conversation with a woman that I only met for casual sex, and only a few times.
I asked her something.  I had experienced one night stands with a variety of women, and I was confident
that in many instances she enjoyed herself just as much as I did.

Yet after that first time, the woman would vanish.  Now, I know some men only want one night
stands and put down women who have casual sex somewhat.

I'm not like that.  If something works, why not keep doing it?

My FWB explained it this way:  women don't ever come back because they are 
afraid. 

I was puzzled.

She elaborated. They know they're going to eventually get emotionally attached
and get hurt by that.

I suppose that may be true, but it sounds pretty strange.
 
That’s why it’s important to learn from your mistakes.
I didn’t stop being attracted to bad guys but I learned to stop expecting a different outcome.
Much harder to do then to say.
 
Some interesting posts here. :)

My base problem is the fact that due to insufficient puberty I've always looked a little younger (I have said this on other posts, but this is for those of you who haven't read them). I understand that a woman in her 30s might not be sexually attracted to a man who only looks like a scrawny teenager. But should it matter when it comes to friendship?
 
No, I don’t think it matters at all when it comes to friendship. At least not to me.
Hmm. Hard to explain what makes me fit another in a friendship way.
Wish I had better insight in what’s going on inside my brain.
I need a stronger mind for that. 😏
 
hewhowalksalone said:
Some interesting posts here. :)

My base problem is the fact that due to insufficient puberty I've always looked a little younger (I have said this on other posts, but this is for those of you who haven't read them).  I understand that a woman in her 30s might not be sexually attracted to a man who only looks like a scrawny teenager.  But should it matter when it comes to friendship?



I have an overweight female friend.  She has been twice divorced, and lives alone. 
She very much wants to meet a suitable man and marry again.
She has dated conventionally, and also used dating sites.
Unfortunately, she has had no success and began to blame it upon herself, particularly being 
overweight.

She happens to belong to a very large family oriented church, and I once asked whether
or not her church ever organizes events to get single people together.  She said yes, she had tried that once.
I asked, "so, how did it go?"
With uncommon contempt in her voice she said, "There is a reason why all those guys are single"

I sent her an email a few days later, with a link.  There happens to be a social group in our area
that is explicitly dedicated for "Big Beautiful Women and the Men Who Love Them"

Her reply?   "I'm not interested in dating fat men"

She completely, totally did not get it.  

It is likely very true that many women buy into the idea that they have to look like 
the magazines in order to get men.    Certainly they can see living proof that packs of
men chase after the women who do match some of those standards.  

What they seem to want to ignore is that there are niche attractions.
There is a fan club of men for every single female body type in existence.

But that is not good enough.   I don't want those creeps, I want Mister Bad Boy Charming
and nothing less is sufficient.

So, why say this here?  Sometimes loneliness is self-imposed.

For all of time, men have been inventing ways to overcome their limits.
Most of us are not going to be handsome or athletic, so instead we compete 
to be funny, or smart, or rich.

Or, if I had my way, it would be legal and economical for you to just go 
hire a prostitute and be done with it all.
 
Oh yay, another "omg, the bad boys get everything" person.   You know why they get the girls?  Because they are confident.  They don't go around with a negative outlook blaming everything wrong on other people.  They don't go around thinking they are losers or whatever else those who are not "bad boys" think.  They get the girls because they see what they want and go after it, instead of sitting around trying to figure out why everyone else gets what they want. 

As for your overweight friend, did you ever consider that maybe SHE is part of the reason she has no partner and her previous relationships failed?  Perhaps she's not happy with herself.  Perhaps she displays a negative vibe onto others because of how she feels about herself.  And you can come back at me and say "No, she doesn't think that way about herself, I know she doesn't." But you don't know, only SHE knows, only SHE knows what lies deep inside, most likely something that she doesn't want other people to know.
 
By nature women have to preserve their inherent value while men gain value from their experiences. 
Trying to normalize the two by telling both women and men that they are valuable no matter what creates a distorted reality for both of them. That is why "nice guys" fail. They are weak and aren't genuine. They are feminine "men". 
Chaos is feminine and Order is masculine. Women look for authority and security, orderly traits, and men look for chaotic traits.
Anyway, what you said reminded me of this. I think to not be knowledgeable of these things will only lead to disappointment and confusion.
 
Jessicat said:
No, I don’t think it matters at all when it comes to friendship. At least not to me.
Hmm. Hard to explain what makes me fit another in a friendship way.
Wish I had better insight in what’s going on inside my brain.
I need a stronger mind for that. 😏


Insight is elusive.

An interesting film was made that featured an unhappily married attorney.
He has become successful as a defense attorney in criminal cases.

He is having an affair, and considering ways to get rid of his wife.

During most of the film, he performs a debate with himself.

Through trick photography, we see him standing in the same room with himself.

His normal self, the slick attorney, and another man, himself, but now a government prosecutor.

He debates in a long and interesting fashion.

There is a nice surprise twist ending.  


That takes my memory to a very different film about self knowledge.

In this case, a rather common man lives a rather drab lower class life.
He sees an ad for a paid drug study, a medication that will supposedly lift people like
himself out of mediocrity.

He signs up and is accepted.   As he takes the pills, he begins to notice
surprising changes.  During one of the frequent visits to the doctor, he suddenly 
realizes that he can read the doctor's mind!

His whole internal dialog changes. He develops more of these
"superpowers" and convinces himself that he is obligated to use them
to help society.

Is he deluded, or seeing his true self at last?

I won't spoil the end for you.
 
What kind if movie is that? Sounds interesting.


Insight is elusive? Oh yes. 
Wish I could see myself as easy as others do.
And sometimes I start to think that maybe what I think isn’t the truth. 
Scared that I somehow are living a lie, fooling myself.
But.. the truth as I know it... that’s where it’s at. ❤️
 

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