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Divorce
#1
Of course things must vary according to region and other factors, but 
it is a tiny bit alarming to see just how many women are on dating sites who 
are divorced.

Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with that.

But I began asking a question.    "If I spoke privately with your ex husband, what 
would he have to say about you?"

Maybe you reading this now are upset by this, saying it's none of my buisiness.

So, let me ask you this:  when you go on an interview to get a new job, and they ask you,
What would your former boss say about you?

Do you reply, "fuc you, none of your business~!:"  ?

There are a variety of ways of looking at divorce.

Maybe the person learned something and should therefore be regarded as more attractive.

Or maybe they screwed up, and will do the same with you.

Or maybe they're so bitter, you;ll end up paying the price?

Just thoughts.

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#2
There's a diary option for posts, if you aren't looking for responses.

It sort of sounds like you're assuming the person you're looking to date will lie, and the ex will tell the truth? If you can't trust the person you're looking to get involved with... What's the point?
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#3
(01-11-2019, 01:45 PM)kaetic Wrote: There's a diary option for posts, if you aren't looking for responses.

It sort of sounds like you're assuming the person you're looking to date will lie, and the ex will tell the truth? If you can't trust the person you're looking to get involved with... What's the point?

Good answer. Thanks.

I ended with "just thoughts" because I appear to be followed around on here by
someone with very serious emotional issues and not  whole lot of brainpower.

By saying "just thoughts" I am simply saying it is an observation, not an invitation
to be hysterically attacked again by The Church Lady.

Seriously, this person appears to spend hours a day trying as hard as she can to 
find people to condemn.

I assume that ANYONE I speak with will lie, and I do not consider all lying malicious.

I am simply testing.  You have your side of the story, now what would his be?

After all, I'm asked what I consider pretty personal shit, such as where do you work
and what do you do, which by exact translation is:   "How much money have you got, and what can I get out of you?"


>...
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#4
I work in a factory and I'm trying to find a job in programming. I wouldn't take those questions as anything more than someone asking how I spend 40+ hours of my week. They are general "get to know you better" type questions on the same level as "what's your name?" or "do you live around here?"

I'm not suggesting that there aren't those that look to take advantage of others, and it sounds as though you may have been burned in the past. But I don't think it will help you in the long run to assume that everyone is out to get you.
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#5
I guess it depends. Have they only been divorced for a short time? Or has there been years, where both parties have possibly accepted what their role in the relationship breakdown was, and have grown from it?

My ex would have said something really different when we first separated, to what he would say now. And now, I see that my role in the relationship wasn't squeaky clean, and I don't desire to be a victim of the circumstances anymore. Personally, I have never been afraid of what he would say. And as I have children, it's very likely any partner I find down the road would probably hear that side of the story anyways.

Had I been a severely abused woman, my position may be different. I may have the trauma to follow. And he may present a very manipulating view about who I am. And vice versa, if I were an abusive woman.

As for potential dates, I have actually asked that question to people who seemed to dominate the entire conversation, speaking ill of their exes. If I am trying to date YOU, I want to know about YOU.
"You are as you are until you are not"

[Image: CooperativeWigglyArieltoucan-max-1mb.gif]
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#6
(01-11-2019, 07:31 PM)kaetic Wrote: I work in a factory and I'm trying to find a job in programming. I wouldn't take those questions as anything more than someone asking how I spend 40+ hours of my week. They are general "get to know you better" type questions on the same level as "what's your name?" or "do you live around here?"

I'm not suggesting that there aren't those that look to take advantage of others, and it sounds as though you may have been burned in the past. But I don't think it will help you in the long run to assume that everyone is out to get you.

Your approach may be working for you, and if so, great.
I would call it naive.

Do you think that in a job interview, they're asking questions because 
they are nice people?  

No, they're looking for reasons to reject you.  

There is no assumption that "everyone is out to get you" but it is common sense
that people have an agenda, and they probe you.

Those oh so casual questions are not so casual.  

Better safe than sorry.


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(01-12-2019, 01:26 AM)AmyTheTemperamental Wrote: I guess it depends. Have they only been divorced for a short time? Or has there been years, where both parties have possibly accepted what their role in the relationship breakdown was, and have grown from it?

My ex would have said something really different when we first separated, to what he would say now. And now, I see that my role in the relationship wasn't squeaky clean, and I don't desire to be a victim of the circumstances anymore. Personally, I have never been afraid of what he would say. And as I have children, it's very likely any partner I find down the road would probably hear that side of the story anyways.

Had I been a severely abused woman, my position may be different. I may have the trauma to follow. And he may present a very manipulating view about who I am. And vice versa, if I were an abusive woman.

As for potential dates, I have actually asked that question to people who seemed to dominate the entire conversation, speaking ill of their exes. If I am trying to date YOU, I want to know about YOU.



I understand the trouble with people talking about past relationships.

For some, they simply lack any better way to paint a picture of what they do and do not want in the NEXT relationship.

For some, it is a test to see if you are the type of guy who can be manipulated into "rescuing".

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