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Am I immature for harboring resentment?
#1
For all of you who don't know the details of what I am talking about, here is a link to the original thread where I talked about this group that I had a problem with.

https://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=39243

Now, this whatsapp group still pops up in my head now and again.  I have reached a point where I recognize that it wasn't all that.  The thing with Meetup is that it is public - anyone can join groups, and anyone can attend events.  So it wasn't like I considered these people to be true friends.

While I could understand that what I said on this whatsapp group could have been viewed in a negative light, I still can't help but feel that the way these people reacted was very unfair.  And the way this girl just blocked all contact with me without explanation, despite her knowing that I meant no malice behind what I said, and that there was no way it could have hurt her feelings.

Am I justified at thinking of this girl negatively, or am I being childish harboring resentment towards her? I'm fishing for honesty here - I won't get defensive or upset if I hear the truth. Perhaps some of you have your own stories of how you managed to let go.
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#2
Are you immature or childish? I don't think I would go so far as to say that. BUT, it's not healthy. I think it's "normal" to feel resentment for the majority of people in the world. However, at some point you have to ask yourself if it's doing you any good to hold onto the resentment. Life isn't fair, we all know that. Sometimes shit happens that we don't like, that we can't do anything about. The choice we do have is what we do about the situations that are unfair or shitty or mean or good or bad or whatever else. We have a choice on how we deal with everything. Even if the choices are all bad and there is no good option, you still have a choice.

What do you gain by holding on to this? Does it do anything to help you get what you want out of life or does it hold you back? What do you hope to accomplish by dwelling on this incident over and over again? Would you be better off figuring out a way to move on from it? Would you be better off trying again somewhere else or in a new meetup group or a new whatsapp group or a new forum or a new chat?

My advice would be to find something else to do. A new hobby, a new group of people, a new whatever. You seem to be doing quite well here, so why not cut your losses from that experience and start fresh with people who are more compassionate and kind?
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#3
Thanks 'The Real Callie' - having read your response, I do feel a little bit better. Perhaps I would find it easier to forget if I had some new people in my life. I've been avoiding Meetup due to the negative association, but maybe it's time for me to go back and start again.
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#4
I do think a lot of us keep some sort of resentment towards something or someone. 
It’s hard to let everything go, but.. the less you carry the better you feel. 
It’s harder to do than to say. I carry resentment towards some, but I let go of all the rest. Keeping too much inside, and you start to poison yourself. 
Get back on the horse. I know you can do it. 🌈
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#5
Fuck me over and your dead to me
Maybe immature but they don't get the chance to do it again
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#6
Hello Hewhowalks!

I don't have any hormone problem or whatever but, I too have problems on boards and the likes. So, 1-it has nothing to do with your appearance, etc and, 2-everyone is pretty much"alike" on the net. I would say that harboring resentment has been one of my biggest ugh things in my life. I would not be able to sleep in thinking how I could fictively hurt the people who hurt me. From using the Death Note book to being a killer...and...I only wasted energy or...I thought I did. In the early 90s there was a culture of positiveness. People had cancer, would put positive memos all over, would continuously say they were ok, etc... Then (I don't remember who or where) someone came up with the notion that it wasn't healthy. When someone or something hurts you, it is good to hit the table and swear. It is a very normal reaction to dislike people whom you feel have hurt you.
Hope this helps a little!
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#7
^Absolutely.

It's neither childish nor immature or even weird to feel this way. You had the misfortune of running into people who treat being offended as their occupation. You were wronged and treated unfairly; I'd be more worried if you didn't have such a reaction to be honest.
If there are any "issues" with this situation at all, they're bound to lie in the way you choose to deal with this. Callie's certainly right in that you should evaluate just what you're going to gain out of this whole mess, or how much you can loose by dwelling on this.
I know, I really do know that it's easier said than done but letting go is the best approach here. To quote one of my favourite obscure music albums no one knows:
Quote:A man can achieve peace if he learns to let go.
There's definitely a lot of truth in that. The problem is getting there.

TheRealCallie Wrote:My advice would be to find something else to do. A new hobby, a new group of people, a new whatever. You seem to be doing quite well here, so why not cut your losses from that experience and start fresh with people who are more compassionate and kind?
Great idea! As a bonus, it also works on a subconcious level - once you find other people to hang out with, cool people who accept you the way you are - you'll prove to yourself that you weren't the problem. Things like that really help when you're trying to put your mind to rest.

Keep on moving, wolfman, leave the past in the dust.
Crowd control situation! *machine gun fire intensifies*
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#8
Thanks. I appreciate the kind words. Smile
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#9
Is it possible that it's not really the WhatsApp group that you feel the resentment towards but something bigger in your life that you feel it represents?
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#10
Could be - as it happens I'm fascinated by the subconscious mind. Perhaps mine is telling me something. Do you care to speculate?
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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