The Path of Aloneness.

I've come a long way from where I was, mentally, emotionally.

I no longer spend every waking moment crying, woe is me, woe is me, over something I've no control over and no say in. 

I rarely even find myself wanting for a relationship in any form anymore. 




But still, when the thought, any small simple thought, crosses my mind of my ex. That fragile wall crumbles down bit by bit, the longer that thought lingers, the bigger the fracture becomes.

I can't have a facebook. That much I determined long enough ago. I just really don't feel mentally healthy. Though I'm not suicidal by any means, nor am I really depressed or even sad anymore. I just really don't consider it of being of mental soundness for something as simple as the thought of someone to completely break me down, inside.

Was she really SO important to my psyche? I guess so, in some way. 

Don't build yourself around what you are to another.


I came across one of the most emo sounding things I've ever heard of, but when I actually read into a bit, it's quite far from it.

"The Path of Aloneness"

Philosopher, Samurai, Musashi Miyamoto.

Sound weebish as hell doesn't it?

But it's just twenty one really sound pieces of advice from a man on death's door, that translate very well into the modern age if you ask my opinion.

https://alyjuma.com/dokkodo-the-path-of-aloneness/

I'm sick. In a bad way.

Just wanted to say hello.
Was nice reading your words. 
It’s hard looking back at a relationship that isn’t there anymore. I tend to do the same once in a while and feel that stab of pain as sharply as I did back then. I pick myself up with making my soul turn back to ice, my feelings gets hidden deep inside of me and I can breath again.
So.
Was your day good?

It was okay. I got off of work early. Other than that, it's about as generic as a day can get.

Most times I get a thought about them I can just brush it away with a "shut up me" thought and go on about my day but... my stupid ass came across a picture of a face and it all came back like a hurricane of stupid self doubt and loathing. So stupid to get upset over things that are in the past, things that can't be changed, that are futile to think of.

Yes, it is stupid but also natural. Think we all do it more or less. 
I hope you keep on trucking.

I shall, I shall.

Hell, I've gotta finish watching Seven Samurai.

I actually have The Book Of Five Rings sitting on my bookshelf. It *is* actually a good book. And yes, that resonates well with solitary individuals. I gave up dating entirely when I turned 30 in the middle of last year. I broke up with my ex when I was...24? Or so? As for moving on? I tried. I'm not hung up on her, I just never found the right woman. *shrug*. You know how Edison said the light-bulb was an invention with 1000 steps when someone asked him about how he failed 1000 times? That's how I feel about trying to date these days. I'm kinda just like: Eh..fresia it. I'd rather just have me and be alone, at this point. If the opportunity comes, it comes. If it doesn't it won't kill me. ALTHOUGH, I wasn't always that adaptive. I spent countless hours, days, weeks, months, a few years, thinking about it. Eventually though, I conquered.

I should actually try reading them I suppose, haha.

I'dunno. It's not so much I'm not over it, as it is that mentally I just can't handle having them in my head. My better nature, my reasoning, my logical thinking breaks down like it's got a toxin in its blood. Though I'd never call them a toxin, but more so I have an allergy to my own memories. They did try reaching out to me at one point, but I had become so toxic in my own head that while at first I was ecstatic and receptive, It turned to bile, and on no part of theirs. Paranoia. I'm almost sure I've got some underlying mental fixation that turned sour.

I'm a wholesale piece of honeysuckle. Lol.

Nice words, Naizo. And greetings from me.

Howdy.