Abandoned by your soulmate

Anyone here ever been abandoned by a soulmate? I won't try to convince anyone here that  it was in fact my soulmate without a shadow of a doubt. Every ounce of my being knows she is. We started a long distance relationship while we were both married. We lived 1600 miles apart but lived in each others pockets for almost two years. We talked on the phone every morning driving to work. Chatted all day at work, talking on the phone again at breaks and the drive home each night.
 We both felt understood for the first times in our lives and could tell each other anything and did. I could forgive her completely and effortlessly unlike anyone else in my life. We were there for each other in ways no one had ever came close to. And the times we got to actually be together were amazing. 
 She had gone thru a terrible time  with her first husband. He kept her locked in a room, used fishhooks to tie her up and pimped her out to his drug dealing friends. I was the first person she ever told the entire story to. She was also a sex addict. She had had continuous affairs her entire 20 year marriage. On one hand what we had was unique. The level of intimacy for her was unprecedented. But on the other side I was just another one in a long line that would prolly never really end. I knew this. And while I did fool myself a bit thinking it would be different for us I felt sure that what we had was genuine. There was too many times she reached out to me that I know she had real feelings for us.
 Then one of her friends was hired to work with her, a female friend. And things changed. A few weeks later she ended it and cut me off 100%. No contact. wouldn't return a  text or email. I was crushed. I tried and tried and tried to reach some sort of modified arrangement to stay friends. Talk once in awhile etc.. But to no avail...
 So here I am almost a year and a half after we broke it off and I still think of her every day. I can't get her out of my head. I can bring myself to tears in seconds with a thought and I have never missed someone so much in my life. I left my wife of 30 years and dont ever think of her. Dont miss her a bit. But Lisa I am afraid will never leave me at peace. I have tried so very hard to let her go but I just can't.  Please help. Anyone?

Is it possible something has happened to her

It sucks that you are hurting. 
I hope you find the peace you need to let her go.
It’s hard to loose someone you care about.
I don’t think there is anything to do than to put one foot in front of the other, pushing forward and letting time do some healing. I’m not sure if this is one of those things that time can heal but.. I hope it does.
Sending some positive vibes your way.

What J. says is right, put one foot in front of the other and endure this agony until it heals, which it eventually will.
I'd encourage you to focus on what is needed now (W I N N), like paying off your drug habit debts and any other logistic type obligations. It's too easy to let one's personal problems overshadow one's practical responsibilities. When they get of control they start contributing to one's personal problems and then one is in a feedback loop that is really, really difficult to break out of. I've been there and done that. It isn't good.

I liked the above replies.

I'm trying to think of the best way to put my words as I have never been that close with anyone. There have been cases when I haven't been able to get somebody out of my head, but with me it was more to do with ocd, whereas your predicament is due to a much stronger emotional attachment.

Perhaps what you need to do is put yourself out there and find someone else to become emotionally bonded with. It obviously won't make you forget about this woman completely, but it will remind you that love isn't limited to one person. People move on from past lovers all the time. If they didn't, the human race would die out.

Believe that you can be happy again.

[quote pid='893158' dateline='1548352405']
 You deserve someone who won't walk away. She gave you a taste of what is possible for you, but she isn't the only woman who can make you feel that passion. I hope you have the courage to try again. To believe that as much as you want the right women, the right woman is out there wanting and looking for you. 
[/quote]

Thank you all. I want to believe there is another Lisa out there for me. I want that to be true more than anything. For the first time in my life I fell in love with someone for all the right reasons. I admired her so much despite her faults. And I know that she is doing this because she knows as well as I do that we can't ever be "just friends". It is too consuming. We both always know just what to say to the other. We used to play a game where over the phone we would take turns trying to send an image to the other one without words. About 3/4ths of the time we could do it with scary accuracy. One time she was projecting and I was guessing, I kept thinking of the ocean and a picnic table. Nothing but that..So I told her and she said she was thinking of an old wooden bench at the coast where her and her father used to hang out and talk. The bench was from a nearby picnic table that someone had moved. Gave us both chills and made the hair on the back of our necks stand up. I wish everyone gets to spend some time with the person meant for them.Its better than any drug. And there will be no doubt in your mind whatsoever that its that one person.
 To Lisa, I understand what and why you are doing this. And I forgive you with all my soul. You showed me how beautiful life can be after 51 years of not having a clue. I will always love you more than life itself. The real you, with all your shiny parts and broken parts too. And if there is a heaven after this life then I know you will be there. For heaven it could never be for me without you in it. I miss you, I want you and I need you. But its because I love you that i let you go. ( or I am trying to).

 Forever lonely without you
    Jeff

Thank you all. I want to believe there is another Lisa out there for me. I want that to be true more than anything. For the first time in my life I fell in love with someone for all the right reasons. I admired her so much despite her faults. And I know that she is doing this because she knows as well as I do that we can't ever be "just friends". It is too consuming. We both always know just what to say to the other. We used to play a game where over the phone we would take turns trying to send an image to the other one without words. About 3/4ths of the time we could do it with scary accuracy. One time she was projecting and I was guessing, I kept thinking of the ocean and a picnic table. Nothing but that..So I told her and she said she was thinking of an old wooden bench at the coast where her and her father used to hang out and talk. The bench was from a nearby picnic table that someone had moved. Gave us both chills and made the hair on the back of our necks stand up. I wish everyone gets to spend some time with the person meant for them.Its better than any drug. And there will be no doubt in your mind whatsoever that its that one person.
 To Lisa, I understand what and why you are doing this. And I forgive you with all my soul. You showed me how beautiful life can be after 51 years of not having a clue. I will always love you more than life itself. The real you, with all your shiny parts and broken parts too. And if there is a heaven after this life then I know you will be there. For heaven it could never be for me without you in it. I miss you, I want you and I need you. But its because I love you that i let you go. ( or I am trying to).

 Forever lonely without you
    Jeff

It's a lot easier for someone you've never met to be your soulmate.
Not hating, just knowing that I've been there myself.
It didn't end in happily ever after, but I'd still consider her my best friend, a soulmate of a sort.
Just don't let it ruin your life, yea? It can be one of the worst drugs.

Naizo said:

It's a lot easier for someone you've never met to be your soulmate.
Not hating, just knowing that I've been there myself.
It didn't end in happily ever after, but I'd still consider her my best friend, a soulmate of a sort.
Just don't let it ruin your life, yea? It can be one of the worst drugs.

Click to expand...

 I spent 6 weeks with her in all. Two year ago Valentines day we went to Cheyenne mountain resort in Colorado Springs for a week. Pure heaven. I am having a really hard time with it right now. I miss her so very much.

So sorry. I wish I knew what to say. I found my soulmate last year. He suffered from severe depression. Last week he walked in front a train and now I feel like i'm dying from a broken heart.

My soul mate gave the gift of silence
I dont know what to return to her

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But the samething