Denying your nature

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Phantimos

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I am not a complex man. I am not a cunning man. I am not a witty man.

I always prefer to punch my problems away, every single time i face a social issue the first thought that pops in my head is grabbing that person's head and smash it against the wall until they beg me to stop. 

I am not a sadist, i do not delight in the pain of others. I think of it in more of a survival of the fittest sort of thing. If a person talks honeysuckle to me and there just doesn't happen to be a invisible protective force field around them or they aren't pointing a gun at me, they better be prepared to get their bones broken. I am aware of the downsides of such a system, of the culture of abuse that it allows but, its what i always feel. I am a muscular individual and i love to assert my dominance.

That is my nature, that is what i feel. If someone shows up, who is stronger than me, who beats me up, it will only fuel my desire to train harder and get stronger and the cycle repeats.

I am so sick of adhering to this soft language spewing, all-inclusive at the cost of individuality, babying, reality bending society.

It has been so long.....so very long since i acted according to my nature.
 
Burn a scented candle or some incense after a couple of drinks or however you prefer to alter your state of consciousness, turn the lights off, and listen to this monologue. It will...help, to say the least...


[youtube]lxZpEFJhO6k[/youtube]
 
Then you find the thing that keeps you strong. If your knife isn't enough to slay the demons, then you find a great big sword. Personally I get strength from the family that I have; Mother. Siblings. Heck - I'll say it! Even this forum has helped me to some degree.

I admit that I'm a bit of an escapist - focusing on the small things in life can only distract you from your inner demons. Sometimes it can just be a case of getting out of your own head. But I know that even that can be difficult at times.

I kind of feel like I'm just rambling worthless crap now. So I'll just leave it at that.
 
IncolaVacui said:
Burn a scented candle or some incense after a couple of drinks or however you prefer to alter your state of consciousness, turn the lights off, and listen to this monologue. It will...help, to say the least...


[youtube]lxZpEFJhO6k[/youtube]

Having a special plan seems like a good plan. ❤️
 
hewhowalksalone said:
Then you find the thing that keeps you strong.  If your knife isn't enough to slay the demons, then you find a great big sword.  Personally I get strength from the family that I have; Mother.  Siblings.  Heck - I'll say it! Even this forum has helped me to some degree.

I admit that I'm a bit of an escapist - focusing on the small things in life can only distract you from your inner demons.  Sometimes it can just be a case of getting out of your own head.  But I know that even that can be difficult at times.

I kind of feel like I'm just rambling worthless crap now.  So I'll just leave it at that.

It's okay. Not really my point though. I mean more Phantimos specifically. 

It comes across to me kind of like you - Phantimos - are hiding behind a veil of always improving and always winning and always being on top. But what if, what if you're not? What if that veil crumbles? What will come out then?
 
I don't know if I really think anyone has a "true" nature. You just have the nature your state of mind or your outlook on life puts you in. Your state of mind/outlook changes your "true" nature changes.

I used to be a lot like you, "fresia anyone who disagrees or screws with me, I'll kick their ass." My outlook changed and so has my nature. So yeah, there's really no "true" nature, in my opinion, just the one you have in this current space of time. It's always changing, as long as you are always changing.
 
TheRealCallie said:
I don't know if I really think anyone has a "true" nature.  You just have the nature your state of mind or your outlook on life puts you in.  Your state of mind/outlook changes your "true" nature changes.  

I used to be a lot like you, "fresia anyone who disagrees or screws with me, I'll kick their ass."  My outlook changed and so has my nature.  So yeah, there's really no "true" nature, in my opinion, just the one you have in this current space of time.  It's always changing, as long as you are always changing.

Well said. I've found this to be true for me too.  My home life as a youth was not very pleasant so I was a bit of a hothead.  Things that might have instantly infuriated me in my younger days now might make me laugh or roll my eyes.  I still won't be pushed around and I have no problem facing anyone who comes at me in the wrong way.  But as I grew further into adulthood and fatherhood my nature definitely paralleled my outlook.
I sure didn't want to pass on my own bad habits to my kids and thankfully, that didn't happen.
 

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