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Being an ugly girl
#1
Hi! I'm sorry for the rant but I just really want to talk to someone about this and hopefully get some advice, although most of this will just be me complaining.

I am a very ugly girl and it is starting to affect my life. My weight was always in the normal range but I've lost about 12kg recently and while I hoped to feel slightly better about myself, I don't. I have a very unattractive and boyish body shape and there is nothing I can do in order to change that, narrow hips, wide waist, huge shoulders and flat-chested, the worst combination and to top it all off I have a really big face. Lately that is all I can think about, looking at the mirror for a long time, comparing myself to everyone I see, which makes me feel really guilty, it's better when I am really busy like during exam season but I waste a considerable amount of time just hating how I look and sometimes it is hard to even get up and go somewhere. I worked really hard and got accepted into one of the world's top 30 universities to get a very respectable degree (it still amazes me how I managed to survive the interview), I volunteer for two different projects so I can improve my personality, I am on a diet to avoid gaining all that weight back, I always dress femininely, make sure I smell nice, keep my hair long, yet my confidence is as low as it can be. Talking to new people is so difficult, I don't go to events I want to go to unless I know one of my friends is going too, friends who I feel are only with me because they pity me and honestly I feel sorry that they have to deal with me.

I have never told anyone else about this and I just wanted to get it off my chest, sorry that you had to read through something like that and thank you!
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#2
When I was bigger, I thought losing weight would help me too, but it didn't. Your issues, like mine, go deeper than that. But let me ask you this, what do OTHER people think? Do they feel the same way about your looks? What do the people that care about you think? A lot of times, it's more in your head than anything else. That's how it is with me. It sounds like you may have a touch of body dysmorphic disorder.

I'm not really sure I can give you advice, other than to stop focusing so much on your looks and start focusing on your other accomplishments, which sound pretty damn abundant. You could also try playing up some of your features. Play around with makeup and see if you can't do something to help how you feel about yourself with that. Play around with your hair and see if that helps. Try on clothes that you don't normally wear to see if that helps. Focus on the parts of you that you do like, there has to be something. Play those features up and you may not focus so much on what you don't like.
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#3
This post reminds me of someone on a forum once who had BDD (Body dysmorphic disorder) and picked at his 'flaws' constantly.
Thing was, he was a really attractive guy! And I had no doubts he was constantly getting PM pestered by the ladies!

It's easy to think ourselves as ugly, especially when compared to all these supposed 'models' we see on TV all the time.
I used to think myself ugly quite a lot, but thinking like that made me not care about how I looked. I was doing the whole 'why bother if nobody would like me anyway' routine and let myself slip a little with my appearance. But with some effort that was turned around and I try not to think like that anymore.

Just don't think you're ugly as I'm sure you're not. And even if you have traits you don't think are attractive. Say for example your smaller bust. You'd think all guys loved those massive fake things, but trust me when I say many of us don't! It's all subjective! Pretty to one won't be pretty to another, and the other way around. Smile
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#4
Hey there, sunflower
Complain as much as you want, it helps to get things off one's chest.

It really sucks to be stuck in a body you dislike. I'm sorry to hear that it's something you're dealing with. I know how it feels to be very conscious of what you perceive as a flaw, maybe thinking that everyone's staring while you aren't looking or talking about it behind your back. I know this perhaps isn't something that'd necessarily cheer you up, but I do hope that you realize that a fair share of people regarded as beautiful do suffer from the same doubts, after all, we ourselves are our harshest critics. And to add on top of that, society's obsession with looks makes those of us who ... ermm ... "underperform" in the area feel much worse than we should, really.
You're saying that you have a very unattractive body shape, but are you sure this isn't just you being too harsh on yourself? Quite honestly, your description doesn't really work for me. I've seen female body builders who managed to look absolutely stunning, feminine and cute, even though they had somewhat masculine facial features and bodies that could rival those of the incredible Hulk (wide, rather flat chests etc.). Probably not the first image that pops into your mind when you think about feminine charm. Sooo ... I'm not buying that you're just unattractive and that's that.
Perhaps you could consider a different hairstyle, long hair is one thing but maybe the style you chose just doesn't mesh well with your facial features? Maybe try out a different style of clothing? Play around with some makeup? It could just be the wrong choice of color?
And like Callie said, stop trying to put yourself down, be damn proud of what you've achieved because from the sound of it, you've plenty of reasons to do so. Smile
Crowd control situation! *machine gun fire intensifies*
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#5
The laws of attraction are definitely way more psychological and mental than physical. I have...good reason to be paranoid about my online identity: I've been subjected to identity theft, AND robbed at gunpoint by someone I met online less than 5 years ago. BUT, also at the same time, I get it. I know where that tunnel goes...it's not pretty...it's a lot of things, but pretty isn't one of them. What you sound like you need, is honesty, support, and friendship. There's unfortunately not a lot of that which is genuine online these days anymore, especially with how things currently are. Shoot me a PM if you want to bounce some thoughts or ideas around, okay?? Keep safe.


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"Of Fire in Nature, Love in Spirit unkenned,
Life, hath no axle, no spring, and no End"
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#6
(02-12-2019, 05:42 AM)sunflower_ Wrote: I worked really hard and got accepted into one of the world's top 30 universities to get a very respectable degree

How about you give yourself a pat on the back for this? There are probably people who might consider to be 'better looking than you' who are too underachieved to get accepted to one of the world's top 30 universities. I don't consider myself physically attractive (with me it's because I didn't go through puberty efficiently, and look like a scrawny kid) - yet it's my academic inadequacy that bothers me the most. (Sure I miss out on romance, but I don't feel bad about myself because I don't look my age - that's what I mean Smile).

Well done for getting into university.

May I ask, what are you studying - or, what are you going to study?
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#7
(02-12-2019, 06:28 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: When I was bigger, I thought losing weight would help me too, but it didn't.  Your issues, like mine, go deeper than that.  But let me ask you this, what do OTHER people think?  Do they feel the same way about your looks? What do the people that care about you think? A lot of times, it's more in your head than anything else.  That's how it is with me.  It sounds like you may have a touch of body dysmorphic disorder.  

I'm not really sure I can give you advice, other than to stop focusing so much on your looks and start focusing on your other accomplishments, which sound pretty damn abundant. You could also try playing up some of your features.  Play around with makeup and see if you can't do something to help how you feel about yourself with that.  Play around with your hair and see if that helps.  Try on clothes that you don't normally wear to see if that helps.  Focus on the parts of you that you do like, there has to be something.  Play those features up and you may not focus so much on what you don't like.

Thank you for reading and replying, it is my first time posting on this forum and I was quite nervous about not getting any replies. 

Before I used to not care as much and just accept that I was ugly but for a few months it is really all I can think about. How no matter how much I try this is all I am really going to be. 

I have been trying to make myself busy so I don't have time to think about it but that has just made me feel very stressed, worsening the problem.


As for asking other people who care about  me, I am afraid of bringing more attention to my appearance and I don't think they would actually tell me the truth because they do not want me to get hurt. Sometimes I make jokes about my broad shoulder or my awful face because I don't want people to know that I care so much about it that they could use it against me.

I feel like everything that is wrong with my appearance is just so obvious that it would be impossible to hide because proportion wise it is all wrong.
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#8
Your self image is defined by your own mind. Even if you look like a model, you can still find reasons to hate yourself if you don't appreciate the good things about you. Take a good look at yourself and honestly weigh your pros and cons.

I don't know what you look like but i am 100% sure you don't look as bad as you think you do. That being said, if you say your face is too big, then get a bigger body to match. Don't go on a diet, have healthy eating habits instead. Eat like a human being and start lifting weights, focus on doing squats and abs with a little bit of back and shoulders to keep things in proportion. Training won't only improve your physique and thus your self image, it'll do wonders for your confidence too.

It's going to be hard at first but it gets easier with every day, you gotta do it everyday though.
When you look at someone through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags
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#9
(02-12-2019, 06:40 AM)Valkatox Wrote: This post reminds me of someone on a forum once who had BDD (Body dysmorphic disorder) and picked at his 'flaws' constantly.
Thing was, he was a really attractive guy! And I had no doubts he was constantly getting PM pestered by the ladies!

It's easy to think ourselves as ugly, especially when compared to all these supposed 'models' we see on TV all the time.
I used to think myself ugly quite a lot, but thinking like that made me not care about how I looked. I was doing the whole 'why bother if nobody would like me anyway' routine and let myself slip a little with my appearance. But with some effort that was turned around and I try not to think like that anymore.

Just don't think you're ugly as I'm sure you're not. And even if you have traits you don't think are attractive. Say for example your smaller bust. You'd think all guys loved those massive fake things, but trust me when I say many of us don't! It's all subjective! Pretty to one won't be pretty to another, and the other way around. Smile

Thank you for replying!

I do put quite a bit of effort into how I look, which just makes it worse... I just wish I could be pretty to myself at least.
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#10
(02-12-2019, 08:04 AM)X-1 Alpha Wrote: Hey there, sunflower
Complain as much as you want, it helps to get things off one's chest.

It really sucks to be stuck in a body you dislike. I'm sorry to hear that it's something you're dealing with. I know how it feels to be very conscious of what you perceive as a flaw, maybe thinking that everyone's staring while you aren't looking or talking about it behind your back. I know this perhaps isn't something that'd necessarily cheer you up, but I do hope that you realize that a fair share of people regarded as beautiful do suffer from the same doubts, after all, we ourselves are our harshest critics. And to add on top of that, society's obsession with looks makes those of us who ... ermm ... "underperform" in the area feel much worse than we should, really.
You're saying that you have a very unattractive body shape, but are you sure this isn't just you being too harsh on yourself? Quite honestly, your description doesn't really work for me. I've seen female body builders who managed to look absolutely stunning, feminine and cute, even though they had somewhat masculine facial features and bodies that could rival those of the incredible Hulk (wide, rather flat chests etc.). Probably not the first image that pops into your mind when you think about feminine charm. Sooo ... I'm not buying that you're just unattractive and that's that.
Perhaps you could consider a different hairstyle, long hair is one thing but maybe the style you chose just doesn't mesh well with your facial features? Maybe try out a different style of clothing? Play around with some makeup? It could just be the wrong choice of color?
And like Callie said, stop trying to put yourself down, be damn proud of what you've achieved because from the sound of it, you've plenty of reasons to do so. Smile

Thank you! Complaining does make me feel slightly better but also guilty that people have to put up with me. I thought I would receive comments stating how instead of complaining I should be trying to do something to change who I am, I am grateful that I did not.

I will agree that female body builders can still look stunning. Regarding my face, I don't even have a super masculine face (although it is definitely not feminine) it is just so big, no matter how much weight I lose, it still makes me look heavier than I am.

I am proud of what I have achieved but that is not what people who meet me will see. I wish I could just forget about my looks and be confident... sorry my reply ended up being more complaining.
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