Can we tell dirty jokes?

Delete if we can't please.

About thirteen years ago, a very pregnant woman was being rushed to the hospital to give birth.  You might have heard about this.  She and her husband passed by a bank just as it was being robbed and the criminals were shooting wildly and THREE bullets hit her in the belly!

Yes, that sounds horrible.  The good news is, they got to the hospital, she gave birth to triplets, two girls and a boy, and everyone turned out fine including the mother.  A miracle.  The strange thing was try as they might, the Doctors never found the bullets.

Ok, so if you heard about it, great.  No big deal if you didn't.  This is thirteen years later.  Jill, and June, and Little Jack are just fine.

And the mother is sitting in the den knitting and listening to music when one daughter, Jill, comes running down the stairs, "Mama!  Mama!  Guess what!"

"I just pee'd a bullet!"

Oh by golly that is a strange one.  And as they consider things the second daughter, June, comes running down the stairs, "Mama Mama!  I just pee'd a bullet!"

Oh, now the answer seems obvious and the mother is explaining about the robbery and their birth and suddenly she pauses and says, "Little Jack!"  And the daughters and the mother go rushing upstairs where Little Jack is doing homework in his bedroom.

Halfway up the stairs they hear, "BANG!!!!!!"  And they burst into his bedroom to discover Jack just confused and shocked and the Mama says, "Did you just pee a bullet?"

"No Mama!  But someone just shot my computer!"

You forgot the rest, my two best friends are nuts and my neighbour is an *******.

Ahaha! 
I think this means we are good to go Dan! 
Feel like it’s a blessing for above.

It was a sad day when Papa came home and his six year old son was in the living room crying over the families pet cat which had died of old age. There it was, stiff as a board, on it's back with all four legs pointing straight up.

So, Dad and son had a cat funeral and after that, the father sat with his child and had a long talk.

"Do you feel bad, son?", he said.

"Yes! Kitty is just gone!"

The father thought. "Son", he said, "Do you know that Kitty is in Heaven right now?"

"He is?"

"Yes, before he passed away, Kitty put his legs in the air so God could come down and pick up his soul and take it to Heaven."

Good job, Pops! His son settled down and was actually happy to think of Kitty being happy and having a good time somewhere.

Months went by. Nothing much ever happened Mom was Mom, Dad was Dad, and the son was just a happy lad.

But one day, as Dad was parking his car after work and walking to the house, his crying son came running out to greet him.

"Daddy! Daddy! Momma almost died!"

"What!?!?", Papa said.

The son explained everything, "I came home from school and Momma was on the floor in the living room with her arms and legs in the air screaming, "Oh God! I'm coming!"

Papa was stunned! "What?!?!? What happened then!"

"Nothing! The Postman was on top of her and making sure God couldn't take her soul to Heaven!"

Three guys are staying in a cabin in the middle of the Arctic. One night, the heating breaks down, so they decide to sleep in the same bed for warmth. After a good night's sleep, the three wake up. And decide to discuss their dreams.

The guy on the left says, 'I had a dream I was getting a handjob last night' to which the guy on the right responds, 'That is so weird. I had the same dream!'.

The guy in the middle rolls his eyes and says, 'I dreamt I was milking a couple of cows'.

The lad takes the lassie on a drive in the country on their date. They pass by a farm where they see a stallion mounting a mare and the Lass asks, "What are they doing?"

"They are mating." "How does the boy know the girl wants to?" "I suppose she has a scent."

As the drive continues, the Lad and Lass see a bull and a cow mating.

"So they are mating?", She asks. "Yes." "And the girl has a scent which the boy can smell?" "I believe so, yes."

The drive being over and the Lad is saying goodbye to the Lassie, and he asks, "Would you like to go out again sometime?"

"Let me know when your sinuses have cleared up."