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I don’t know if
#11
(03-05-2019, 01:14 PM)Lonewolf33 Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 09:30 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 09:21 AM)Lonewolf33 Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 08:05 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 08:01 AM)Lonewolf33 Wrote: I want a lot of things but than there is a reality. I went through deep depression a few years ago both my physical and meant so state where in very bad places. It took three years of almost re-inventing myself I made some major life changes. Life changes that I thought would help me get past all this for good. But then reality of the things hurting me the most I am completely powerless to change. So here I am again back in this same dark place.

I don't know why you'd think this, since to me it seems you've long since done the hardest step already: making a serious change for the first time.

Now I'm curious for you to elaborate on what exactly you think happened to all but undo that progress? Are you sure you're not over-dramatizing it a bit, perhaps?

I don’t think any progress is being undone. Rather, I believe that progress never fixed the larger issue my persistent loneliness. People say go out there put yourself in challenging situations, meet new new people, step outside your comfort zone. I’ve done all those things but nothing ever changes for me.

That's dumb advice I've heard all my life, from my own family. And it's never helped me. They had no idea what was going on with me and were essentially pushing their old ways onto me and expecting since it worked for them, it would work for me. JUST STICK WITH IT.

So, I agree it's bad advice. Don't follow it.
I mean, it's a little tricky. I will agree you need to meet new people, which might entail stepping out of your comfort zone, sure, but it doesn't have to be putting yourself outside, in challenging situations, etc. Those two do not go hand-in-hand.

You're more than allowed to meet the people you want to meet, wherever you want to meet them.

Like, I've rolled my eyes at so many people who are AFRAID to tell someone they met their significant other online, like they'll be made fun of or something. I say meeting someone like that is what matters, not WHERE.

So if you only have friends online, hey, you have friends. Go for it. Every single friend doesn't have to be the cliche who always visits your house and then you go rock climbing together, where you meet your future wife.

I hate it when this kind of cliched lifestyle is pushed onto everywhere, especially when it doesn't appeal to everyone. Meet new people, but meet them how you want, and if it makes you happy, to hell with what anyone says about it.

You're here with a lot of like minded individuals. I'd say you're already at a place where you can start making some friends, today even, and work on it from there.


I've been in a similar situation and this worked for me. With any capacity of friends, you'll find you start feeling a lot better, in a lot of areas.


Many of these interactions are superficial the chances of meeting someone on forum that turns into a legit day to day friend is minimal. It’s hard to establish real connection with someone you might not ever physically meet.

Which is lower?
A 'minimal', say, 1% chance?
Or never trying at all, which is a big fat zero?

Go with the flow. Don't give up. Things always get better.
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#12
(03-05-2019, 02:16 PM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 01:14 PM)Lonewolf33 Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 09:30 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 09:21 AM)Lonewolf33 Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 08:05 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote: I don't know why you'd think this, since to me it seems you've long since done the hardest step already: making a serious change for the first time.

Now I'm curious for you to elaborate on what exactly you think happened to all but undo that progress? Are you sure you're not over-dramatizing it a bit, perhaps?

I don’t think any progress is being undone. Rather, I believe that progress never fixed the larger issue my persistent loneliness. People say go out there put yourself in challenging situations, meet new new people, step outside your comfort zone. I’ve done all those things but nothing ever changes for me.

That's dumb advice I've heard all my life, from my own family. And it's never helped me. They had no idea what was going on with me and were essentially pushing their old ways onto me and expecting since it worked for them, it would work for me. JUST STICK WITH IT.

So, I agree it's bad advice. Don't follow it.
I mean, it's a little tricky. I will agree you need to meet new people, which might entail stepping out of your comfort zone, sure, but it doesn't have to be putting yourself outside, in challenging situations, etc. Those two do not go hand-in-hand.

You're more than allowed to meet the people you want to meet, wherever you want to meet them.

Like, I've rolled my eyes at so many people who are AFRAID to tell someone they met their significant other online, like they'll be made fun of or something. I say meeting someone like that is what matters, not WHERE.

So if you only have friends online, hey, you have friends. Go for it. Every single friend doesn't have to be the cliche who always visits your house and then you go rock climbing together, where you meet your future wife.

I hate it when this kind of cliched lifestyle is pushed onto everywhere, especially when it doesn't appeal to everyone. Meet new people, but meet them how you want, and if it makes you happy, to hell with what anyone says about it.

You're here with a lot of like minded individuals. I'd say you're already at a place where you can start making some friends, today even, and work on it from there.


I've been in a similar situation and this worked for me. With any capacity of friends, you'll find you start feeling a lot better, in a lot of areas.


Many of these interactions are superficial the chances of meeting someone on forum that turns into a legit day to day friend is minimal. It’s hard to establish real connection with someone you might not ever physically meet.

Which is lower?
A 'minimal', say, 1% chance?
Or never trying at all, which is a big fat zero?

Go with the flow. Don't give up. Things always get better.

After awhile you get tired of going through the same shit over and over again. I think the biggest lie that ever gets told is that things will get better.
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#13
(03-06-2019, 08:13 AM)Lonewolf33 Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 02:16 PM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 01:14 PM)Lonewolf33 Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 09:30 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 09:21 AM)Lonewolf33 Wrote: I don’t think any progress is being undone. Rather, I believe that progress never fixed the larger issue my persistent loneliness. People say go out there put yourself in challenging situations, meet new new people, step outside your comfort zone. I’ve done all those things but nothing ever changes for me.

That's dumb advice I've heard all my life, from my own family. And it's never helped me. They had no idea what was going on with me and were essentially pushing their old ways onto me and expecting since it worked for them, it would work for me. JUST STICK WITH IT.

So, I agree it's bad advice. Don't follow it.
I mean, it's a little tricky. I will agree you need to meet new people, which might entail stepping out of your comfort zone, sure, but it doesn't have to be putting yourself outside, in challenging situations, etc. Those two do not go hand-in-hand.

You're more than allowed to meet the people you want to meet, wherever you want to meet them.

Like, I've rolled my eyes at so many people who are AFRAID to tell someone they met their significant other online, like they'll be made fun of or something. I say meeting someone like that is what matters, not WHERE.

So if you only have friends online, hey, you have friends. Go for it. Every single friend doesn't have to be the cliche who always visits your house and then you go rock climbing together, where you meet your future wife.

I hate it when this kind of cliched lifestyle is pushed onto everywhere, especially when it doesn't appeal to everyone. Meet new people, but meet them how you want, and if it makes you happy, to hell with what anyone says about it.

You're here with a lot of like minded individuals. I'd say you're already at a place where you can start making some friends, today even, and work on it from there.


I've been in a similar situation and this worked for me. With any capacity of friends, you'll find you start feeling a lot better, in a lot of areas.


Many of these interactions are superficial the chances of meeting someone on forum that turns into a legit day to day friend is minimal. It’s hard to establish real connection with someone you might not ever physically meet.

Which is lower?
A 'minimal', say, 1% chance?
Or never trying at all, which is a big fat zero?

Go with the flow. Don't give up. Things always get better.

After awhile you get tired of going through the same shit over and over again. I think the biggest lie that ever gets told is that things will get better.

It's all dependent on how much YOU put in.

It's a lie only if you make it one. Things don't just happen; you have to make them.

Because I generally turn my negatives in positives and stick with it, yeah, things do actually get better for me every single time. But if I didn't make such moves and just stewed on them, they wouldn't.

You have to want them to get better for it to happen. And, buddy, sorry, but that's life. You get what you put in. Changing your outlook is what you need more than anything.
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#14
(03-06-2019, 08:57 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-06-2019, 08:13 AM)Lonewolf33 Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 02:16 PM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 01:14 PM)Lonewolf33 Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 09:30 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote: That's dumb advice I've heard all my life, from my own family. And it's never helped me. They had no idea what was going on with me and were essentially pushing their old ways onto me and expecting since it worked for them, it would work for me. JUST STICK WITH IT.

So, I agree it's bad advice. Don't follow it.
I mean, it's a little tricky. I will agree you need to meet new people, which might entail stepping out of your comfort zone, sure, but it doesn't have to be putting yourself outside, in challenging situations, etc. Those two do not go hand-in-hand.

You're more than allowed to meet the people you want to meet, wherever you want to meet them.

Like, I've rolled my eyes at so many people who are AFRAID to tell someone they met their significant other online, like they'll be made fun of or something. I say meeting someone like that is what matters, not WHERE.

So if you only have friends online, hey, you have friends. Go for it. Every single friend doesn't have to be the cliche who always visits your house and then you go rock climbing together, where you meet your future wife.

I hate it when this kind of cliched lifestyle is pushed onto everywhere, especially when it doesn't appeal to everyone. Meet new people, but meet them how you want, and if it makes you happy, to hell with what anyone says about it.

You're here with a lot of like minded individuals. I'd say you're already at a place where you can start making some friends, today even, and work on it from there.


I've been in a similar situation and this worked for me. With any capacity of friends, you'll find you start feeling a lot better, in a lot of areas.


Many of these interactions are superficial the chances of meeting someone on forum that turns into a legit day to day friend is minimal. It’s hard to establish real connection with someone you might not ever physically meet.

Which is lower?
A 'minimal', say, 1% chance?
Or never trying at all, which is a big fat zero?

Go with the flow. Don't give up. Things always get better.

After awhile you get tired of going through the same shit over and over again. I think the biggest lie that ever gets told is that things will get better.

It's all dependent on how much YOU put in.

It's a lie only if you make it one. Things don't just happen; you have to make them.

Because I generally turn my negatives in positives and stick with it, yeah, things do actually get better for me every single time. But if I didn't make such moves and just stewed on them, they wouldn't.

You have to want them to get better for it to happen. And, buddy, sorry, but that's life. You get what you put in. Changing your outlook is what you need more than anything.

I never considered changing my outlook I’ll just think only positives....
Reply
#15
(03-06-2019, 01:37 PM)Lonewolf33 Wrote:
(03-06-2019, 08:57 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-06-2019, 08:13 AM)Lonewolf33 Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 02:16 PM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-05-2019, 01:14 PM)Lonewolf33 Wrote: Many of these interactions are superficial the chances of meeting someone on forum that turns into a legit day to day friend is minimal. It’s hard to establish real connection with someone you might not ever physically meet.

Which is lower?
A 'minimal', say, 1% chance?
Or never trying at all, which is a big fat zero?

Go with the flow. Don't give up. Things always get better.

After awhile you get tired of going through the same shit over and over again. I think the biggest lie that ever gets told is that things will get better.

It's all dependent on how much YOU put in.

It's a lie only if you make it one. Things don't just happen; you have to make them.

Because I generally turn my negatives in positives and stick with it, yeah, things do actually get better for me every single time. But if I didn't make such moves and just stewed on them, they wouldn't.

You have to want them to get better for it to happen. And, buddy, sorry, but that's life. You get what you put in. Changing your outlook is what you need more than anything.

I never considered changing my outlook I’ll just think only positives....

Don't make it so superficial. I meant don't let setbacks delve into you like you do, and especially keep yourself open and willing to keep on even when things don't look possible.
I've been through that feeling more times I can know and always get out of it by keeping on and being open to it.

The latter is your biggest problem. Change that, and it takes a lot more than to just think 'only positives'. You have to BE positive too.
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#16
Things might not get better Lonewolf, but you only truly lose if you quit. If you give up and take the bus out of town that never comes back, you're letting the shittiness of the world win.
So keep up the struggle for another year. You can always decide then. Meanwhile keep the forum community updated.

That plan worked for me and I'm glad now I didn't jump. But it took a couple of those one year deferments......
Nothing exists entirely alone.  Everything is always in relation to everything else.

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#17
(03-06-2019, 02:04 PM)constant stranger Wrote: Things might not get better Lonewolf, but you only truly lose if you quit.  If you give up and take the bus out of town that never comes back, you're letting the shittiness of the world win.  
So keep up the struggle for another year.  You can always decide then.  Meanwhile keep the forum community updated.

That plan worked for me and I'm glad now I didn't jump.  But it took a couple of those one year deferments......

I really don't feel good giving him a finite 'counter' and then the go-ahead should it not happen within said time frame. That's still giving up, only delaying it. And sometimes it still takes longer than that for things to get better, even if you enact change right away.

Because then if it doesn't happen within now one year, he'll feel even more compelled to end it. That's not fixing it, it's just delaying it, and I really hope he can see that and does not choose this outcome. You should never put a counter on changing your life; only the effort needed to make it happen. In time with enough optimism and work, things WILL change. But life is too unpredictable to accurately time it.
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#18
(03-06-2019, 02:46 PM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-06-2019, 02:04 PM)constant stranger Wrote: Things might not get better Lonewolf, but you only truly lose if you quit.  If you give up and take the bus out of town that never comes back, you're letting the shittiness of the world win.  
So keep up the struggle for another year.  You can always decide then.  Meanwhile keep the forum community updated.

That plan worked for me and I'm glad now I didn't jump.  But it took a couple of those one year deferments......

I really don't feel good giving him a finite 'counter' and then the go-ahead should it not happen within said time frame. That's still giving up, only delaying it. And sometimes it still takes longer than that for things to get better, even if you enact change right away.

Because then if it doesn't happen within now one year, he'll feel even more compelled to end it. That's not fixing it, it's just delaying it, and I really hope he can see that and does not choose this outcome. You should never put a counter on changing your life; only the effort needed to make it happen. In time with enough optimism and work, things WILL change. But life is too unpredictable to accurately time it.
I wasn't intending to give him a go-ahead after the one year....I was hoping to help talk him through the current crisis.  That's why I mentioned that I'd given myself a couple of those aforementioned one year deferments when I was struggling through some crises.
Apols if I've put the wrong foot forward.
And I absolutely was not giving him a go-ahead for the final exit.  At all.
Nothing exists entirely alone.  Everything is always in relation to everything else.

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#19
(03-07-2019, 11:48 AM)constant stranger Wrote:
(03-06-2019, 02:46 PM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-06-2019, 02:04 PM)constant stranger Wrote: Things might not get better Lonewolf, but you only truly lose if you quit.  If you give up and take the bus out of town that never comes back, you're letting the shittiness of the world win.  
So keep up the struggle for another year.  You can always decide then.  Meanwhile keep the forum community updated.

That plan worked for me and I'm glad now I didn't jump.  But it took a couple of those one year deferments......

I really don't feel good giving him a finite 'counter' and then the go-ahead should it not happen within said time frame. That's still giving up, only delaying it. And sometimes it still takes longer than that for things to get better, even if you enact change right away.

Because then if it doesn't happen within now one year, he'll feel even more compelled to end it. That's not fixing it, it's just delaying it, and I really hope he can see that and does not choose this outcome. You should never put a counter on changing your life; only the effort needed to make it happen. In time with enough optimism and work, things WILL change. But life is too unpredictable to accurately time it.
I wasn't intending to give him a go-ahead after the one year....I was hoping to help talk him through the current crisis.  That's why I mentioned that I'd given myself a couple of those aforementioned one year deferments when I was struggling through some crises.
Apols if I've put the wrong foot forward.
And I absolutely was not giving him a go-ahead for the final exit.  At all.

But you never know how someone might take it, especially if that meaning can be inferred. Like, I understand now, but when I replied I really thought that was your advice, and maybe even he did, hence why I wanted to specify more; so hopefully it wouldn't inadvertently be signaled to him the wrong way.
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#20
Enpatsu No Shakugan, It's Lonewolf33 and his well being that's the real issue. I'd like to hear how he's doing....if he wishes to say.
Nothing exists entirely alone.  Everything is always in relation to everything else.

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