Lost another potential friend

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Lonewolf33

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Though I post a lot about being depressed, lonely, and even suicidal I still attempt to make friends. I thought I had established a semi-friendship but naturally it’s gone the same way as so many of my relationships. Now it’s in the territory where I’m not told outright not to contact them but they make very minimal effort and always kept conversations short and limited. I don’t know what’s worse getting rejected with a hard no or a slow freeze-out...
 
Enpatsu No Shakugan said:
Real life friend or online? How exactly did it go awry?

Real life we use to see each other almost daily and now that our schedules have changed and we no longer run into each other the inevitable happened.
 
I would say they only thought of you as an acquaintance and not so much a friend, if that's the case. You can find people a little better.

I know ANY contact seems great when lonely, but you're better off with quality, not quantity.
 
Lonewolf33 said:
Though I post a lot about being depressed, lonely, and even suicidal I still attempt to make friends. I thought I had established a semi-friendship but naturally it’s gone the same way as so many of my relationships. Now it’s in the territory where I’m not told outright not to contact them but they make very minimal effort and always kept conversations short and limited. I don’t know what’s worse getting rejected with a hard no or a slow freeze-out...

I had an incident in September where I was written off by people who I tried making friends with. Though I wasn't completely blameless - I may have said something that was taken the wrong way - it still hurt how abruptly I was cut off.

I am curious to know more about what happened with the people you had contact with. If you're comfortable with sharing, I would very much like to know.
 
hewhowalksalone said:
Lonewolf33 said:
Though I post a lot about being depressed, lonely, and even suicidal I still attempt to make friends. I thought I had established a semi-friendship but naturally it’s gone the same way as so many of my relationships. Now it’s in the territory where I’m not told outright not to contact them but they make very minimal effort and always kept conversations short and limited. I don’t know what’s worse getting rejected with a hard no or a slow freeze-out...

I had an incident in September where I was written off by people who I tried making friends with.  Though I wasn't completely blameless - I may have said something that was taken the wrong way - it still hurt how abruptly I was cut off.

I am curious to know more about what happened with the people you had contact with.  If you're comfortable with sharing, I would very much like to know.

Our last interaction was a hug and “hey call me if you ever need something”. But now when I call it’s awkward and I get the strong vibe that I shouldn’t be contacting them. So I no longer contact them.
 
Lonewolf33 said:
hewhowalksalone said:
Lonewolf33 said:
Though I post a lot about being depressed, lonely, and even suicidal I still attempt to make friends. I thought I had established a semi-friendship but naturally it’s gone the same way as so many of my relationships. Now it’s in the territory where I’m not told outright not to contact them but they make very minimal effort and always kept conversations short and limited. I don’t know what’s worse getting rejected with a hard no or a slow freeze-out...

I had an incident in September where I was written off by people who I tried making friends with.  Though I wasn't completely blameless - I may have said something that was taken the wrong way - it still hurt how abruptly I was cut off.

I am curious to know more about what happened with the people you had contact with.  If you're comfortable with sharing, I would very much like to know.

Our last interaction was a hug and “hey call me if you ever need something”. But now when I call it’s awkward and I get the strong vibe that I shouldn’t be contacting them. So I no longer contact them.

If you're really concerned, why not just ask them? Do you have anything to lose with them now? You can ask a true friend anything. and maybe this is just a misunderstanding.
 
You could be misinterpreting the situation or letting your depression and loneliness impact the relationship. Talk to them about it, if they are actually your friend, they will understand.
 
TheRealCallie said:
You could be misinterpreting the situation or letting your depression and loneliness impact the relationship.  Talk to them about it, if they are actually your friend, they will understand.

I feel like asking will only make it worse because if they confirm yes I’m trying to avoid you that will hurt worse.
 
TheRealCallie said:
You could be misinterpreting the situation or letting your depression and loneliness impact the relationship. Talk to them about it, if they are actually your friend, they will understand.

That's LITERALLY exactly what I wrote right above you....


Lonewolf33 said:
TheRealCallie said:
You could be misinterpreting the situation or letting your depression and loneliness impact the relationship.  Talk to them about it, if they are actually your friend, they will understand.

I feel like asking will only make it worse because if they confirm yes I’m trying to avoid you that will hurt worse.

If you can't do that much, then I wouldn't think you really care that much either.

Think of it this way:
Right now as is, it's already the worst case scenario. By asking you run the chance of things working out, and if not, then what's different from how you're feeling right now? Nothing. You've nowhere to go but up.
Which hurts more? Confirmation or not knowing? That's for you to decide.
 
Lonewolf33 said:
Our last interaction was a hug and “hey call me if you ever need something”. But now when I call it’s awkward and I get the strong vibe that I shouldn’t be contacting them. So I no longer contact them.

You're afraid that they are avoiding you, so you are avoiding them. For the friendship it will lead to the same result..

It could be that they have other problems and sound annoyed and you take it personally.

If you really sense some vibe and it's not your anxiety then just back off a bit and contact them less often. if you already rarely contact them and still get this vibe then maybe you'll need a better reason to call them. It's all subtle and depends on level of friendship, so it's hard to give advice on that, you need to listen to your instinct.

Better don't ask whether they are avoiding you. Cause this question is pointless and can be annoying by itself.

Overall I'd say don't give up on this friendship and don't force it just take it easy.
 
charmeleon said:
Lonewolf33 said:
Our last interaction was a hug and “hey call me if you ever need something”. But now when I call it’s awkward and I get the strong vibe that I shouldn’t be contacting them. So I no longer contact them.

You're afraid that they are avoiding you, so you are avoiding them. For the friendship it will lead to the same result..

It could be that they have other problems and sound annoyed and you take it personally.

If you really sense some vibe and it's not your anxiety then just back off a bit and contact them less often. if you already rarely contact them and still get this vibe then maybe you'll need a better reason to call them. It's all subtle and depends on level of friendship, so it's hard to give advice on that, you need to listen to your instinct.

Better don't ask whether they are avoiding you. Cause this question is pointless and can be annoying by itself.

Overall I'd say don't give up on this friendship and don't force it just take it easy.

I’ve mostly written it off stopped contacting them. Friendship shouldn’t make you feel like your nuisance or what not. I rather wallow in my own misery without adding to it.
 
Lonewolf33 said:
charmeleon said:
Lonewolf33 said:
Our last interaction was a hug and “hey call me if you ever need something”. But now when I call it’s awkward and I get the strong vibe that I shouldn’t be contacting them. So I no longer contact them.

You're afraid that they are avoiding you, so you are avoiding them. For the friendship it will lead to the same result..

It could be that they have other problems and sound annoyed and you take it personally.

If you really sense some vibe and it's not your anxiety then just back off a bit and contact them less often. if you already rarely contact them and still get this vibe then maybe you'll need a better reason to call them. It's all subtle and depends on level of friendship, so it's hard to give advice on that, you need to listen to your instinct.

Better don't ask whether they are avoiding you. Cause this question is pointless and can be annoying by itself.

Overall I'd say don't give up on this friendship and don't force it just take it easy.

I’ve mostly written it off stopped contacting them. Friendship shouldn’t make you feel like your nuisance or what we. I rather wallow in my own misery without adding to it.

Sure hope you didn't just involuntarily end it instead.
 
Enpatsu No Shakugan said:
Lonewolf33 said:
charmeleon said:
Lonewolf33 said:
Our last interaction was a hug and “hey call me if you ever need something”. But now when I call it’s awkward and I get the strong vibe that I shouldn’t be contacting them. So I no longer contact them.

You're afraid that they are avoiding you, so you are avoiding them. For the friendship it will lead to the same result..

It could be that they have other problems and sound annoyed and you take it personally.

If you really sense some vibe and it's not your anxiety then just back off a bit and contact them less often. if you already rarely contact them and still get this vibe then maybe you'll need a better reason to call them. It's all subtle and depends on level of friendship, so it's hard to give advice on that, you need to listen to your instinct.

Better don't ask whether they are avoiding you. Cause this question is pointless and can be annoying by itself.

Overall I'd say don't give up on this friendship and don't force it just take it easy.

I’ve mostly written it off stopped contacting them. Friendship shouldn’t make you feel like your nuisance or what we. I rather wallow in my own misery without adding to it.

Sure hope you didn't just involuntarily end it instead.

I wouldn’t say I ended it per se I’m just choosing to stay to myself. I don’t expect the other person to remain in contact with me. So it will just die it’s own death
 
Lonewolf33 said:
I’ve mostly written it off stopped contacting them. Friendship shouldn’t make you feel like your nuisance or what not. I rather wallow in my own misery without adding to it.

Kind of sounds to me like you are the one making yourself feel like a nuisance or whatnot.
 
So, I have this issue too. I start feeling like a nuisance and that's partly because I always expect people to put in the same effort as me. I've worked on this because it's annoying. I openly tell them that is how I feel. Like, when I started to feel like a nuisance with one of my friends, I told them: "I feel like I'm annoying you and I'm stopping to talk because I don't want to feel like you don't want to talk to me". We talked through it and moved past it and we're closer than ever now, without talking every day.
 
Lonewolf33 said:
Though I post a lot about being depressed, lonely, and even suicidal I still attempt to make friends. I thought I had established a semi-friendship but naturally it’s gone the same way as so many of my relationships. Now it’s in the territory where I’m not told outright not to contact them but they make very minimal effort and always kept conversations short and limited. I don’t know what’s worse getting rejected with a hard no or a slow freeze-out...

I'm sorry that you are going thru such a difficult time.  don't be so hard on yourself.  try to focus on the good things, like what you like to do.  Believe in yourself my friend.  :)
 
Sabio77 said:
Lonewolf33 said:
Though I post a lot about being depressed, lonely, and even suicidal I still attempt to make friends. I thought I had established a semi-friendship but naturally it’s gone the same way as so many of my relationships. Now it’s in the territory where I’m not told outright not to contact them but they make very minimal effort and always kept conversations short and limited. I don’t know what’s worse getting rejected with a hard no or a slow freeze-out...

I'm sorry that you are going thru such a difficult time.  don't be so hard on yourself.  try to focus on the good things, like what you like to do.  Believe in yourself my friend.  :)

Thank you for your kind words
 

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