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Daddy issues+comparing myself to others
#1
Hello again 
Im tired of comparing myself with every person i see 
 every time i go out im so mad and depressed because of this issue 
I dont know what to do
Reply
#2
If you're comparing, you obviously are somewhat jealous that they have what you feel you do not.

Tell me what it is you think that entails and then why you think those things matter. That's a good first step.
[Image: giphy.gif]
Reply
#3
(03-21-2019, 03:24 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote: If you're comparing, you obviously are somewhat jealous that they have what you feel you do not.

Tell me what it is you think that entails and then why you think those things matter. That's a good first step.
Thank you for helping me
Yes i am a very jealous and insecure person and i hate  it.
I get jealous when I see a pretty person because they have a much easier life than me (they dont hate themselves they bodies,they feel comfortable in their skins,nobody bully them)ofcourse I'm happy for them but I feel so sad about myself too.
And I get jealous when others have good relationship with their dads and they dad loves them 
Because my dad was abusive and he never loved me 
and so on....
And I get jealous when I see people are happy with simplest things  while nothing can makes me happy
Reply
#4
(03-21-2019, 05:23 AM)nothing1998 Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 03:24 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote: If you're comparing, you obviously are somewhat jealous that they have what you feel you do not.

Tell me what it is you think that entails and then why you think those things matter. That's a good first step.
Thank you for helping me
Yes i am a very jealous and insecure person and i hate  it.
I get jealous when I see a pretty person because they have a much easier life than me (they dont hate themselves they bodies,they feel comfortable in their skins,nobody bully them)ofcourse I'm happy for them but I feel so sad about myself too.
And I get jealous when others have good relationship with their dads and they dad loves them 
Because my dad was abusive and he never loved me 
and so on....
And I get jealous when I see people are happy with simplest things  while nothing can makes me happy

I didn't expect father issues would come into this. How do you know for sure their relationships with their fathers is as good as you think? Have you ever gone home with them or talked about it? Don't imagine stuff you aren't sure about.

But father issues and body issues are two pretty big separate issues to me.

I guess there's no real point in comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own card they were played with and have to make due. It's nice to maybe look into someone else's life and see how much better or worse they had it, but not get bitter about it.

I never had anything that was popular growing up like video games and I wanted them so badly, and loved it when I could go over to others' houses to see and/or play them. But I never felt inadequate because I didn't have them; more upset that my family wouldn't buy them for me like everyone else did.

And in time, I got my own money and got them eventually. If you want something bad enough, you'll get it.

I say use someone else's life as either inspiration or a guideline, more so than get jealous of them. Say "I'll do it too" and then go for it.

And if you see someone with a worse situation than you, then that's nothing but inspiration for me. Like "Wow, they did it with a worse hand than me, I can too."

There's other more positive ways to look at it to improve yourself and get what it is you're pining for than just be bitter about it.
[Image: giphy.gif]
Reply
#5
(03-21-2019, 05:51 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 05:23 AM)nothing1998 Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 03:24 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote: If you're comparing, you obviously are somewhat jealous that they have what you feel you do not.

Tell me what it is you think that entails and then why you think those things matter. That's a good first step.
Thank you for helping me
Yes i am a very jealous and insecure person and i hate  it.
I get jealous when I see a pretty person because they have a much easier life than me (they dont hate themselves they bodies,they feel comfortable in their skins,nobody bully them)ofcourse I'm happy for them but I feel so sad about myself too.
And I get jealous when others have good relationship with their dads and they dad loves them 
Because my dad was abusive and he never loved me 
and so on....
And I get jealous when I see people are happy with simplest things  while nothing can makes me happy

I didn't expect father issues would come into this. How do you know for sure their relationships with their fathers is as good as you think? Have you ever gone home with them or talked about it? Don't imagine stuff you aren't sure about.

But father issues and body issues are two pretty big separate issues to me.

I guess there's no real point in comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own card they were played with and have to make due. It's nice to maybe look into someone else's life and see how much better or worse they had it, but not get bitter about it.

I never had anything that was popular growing up like video games and I wanted them so badly, and loved it when I could go over to others' houses to see and/or play them. But I never felt inadequate because I didn't have them; more upset that my family wouldn't buy them for me like everyone else did.

And in time, I got my own money and got them eventually. If you want something bad enough, you'll get it.

I say use someone else's life as either inspiration or a guideline, more so than get jealous of them. Say "I'll do it too" and then go for it.

And if you see someone with a worse situation than you, then that's nothing but inspiration for me. Like "Wow, they did it with a worse hand than me, I can too."

There's other more positive ways to look at it to improve yourself and get what it is you're pining for than just be bitter about it.
My roommates they always brag about that how much their dad loves them and  have respect for them and I can see their relationship with their dads when they call their dads(i observed their phone calls with their dads metaculesly)
But my dad always criticises me and always calls me dumb and he makes me feel so worthless and even there  was times when he physically abused me for not a justified reason.
We never had a good relationship even when I was a little girl.
But I can't buy a good relationship with my dad or happiness(I mean enjoying from simplest things)no matter what
but yes I can buy looks with plastic surgery.
Reply
#6
(03-21-2019, 06:16 AM)nothing1998 Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 05:51 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 05:23 AM)nothing1998 Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 03:24 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote: If you're comparing, you obviously are somewhat jealous that they have what you feel you do not.

Tell me what it is you think that entails and then why you think those things matter. That's a good first step.
Thank you for helping me
Yes i am a very jealous and insecure person and i hate  it.
I get jealous when I see a pretty person because they have a much easier life than me (they dont hate themselves they bodies,they feel comfortable in their skins,nobody bully them)ofcourse I'm happy for them but I feel so sad about myself too.
And I get jealous when others have good relationship with their dads and they dad loves them 
Because my dad was abusive and he never loved me 
and so on....
And I get jealous when I see people are happy with simplest things  while nothing can makes me happy

I didn't expect father issues would come into this. How do you know for sure their relationships with their fathers is as good as you think? Have you ever gone home with them or talked about it? Don't imagine stuff you aren't sure about.

But father issues and body issues are two pretty big separate issues to me.

I guess there's no real point in comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own card they were played with and have to make due. It's nice to maybe look into someone else's life and see how much better or worse they had it, but not get bitter about it.

I never had anything that was popular growing up like video games and I wanted them so badly, and loved it when I could go over to others' houses to see and/or play them. But I never felt inadequate because I didn't have them; more upset that my family wouldn't buy them for me like everyone else did.

And in time, I got my own money and got them eventually. If you want something bad enough, you'll get it.

I say use someone else's life as either inspiration or a guideline, more so than get jealous of them. Say "I'll do it too" and then go for it.

And if you see someone with a worse situation than you, then that's nothing but inspiration for me. Like "Wow, they did it with a worse hand than me, I can too."

There's other more positive ways to look at it to improve yourself and get what it is you're pining for than just be bitter about it.
My roommates they always brag about that how much their dad loves them and  have respect for them and I can see their relationship with their dads when they call their dads(i observed their phone calls with their dads metaculesly)
But my dad always criticises me and always calls me dumb and he makes me feel so worthless and even there  was times when he physically abused me for not a justified reason.
We never had a good relationship even when I was a little girl.
But I can't buy a good relationship with my dad or happiness(I mean enjoying from simplest things)no matter what
but yes I can buy looks with plastic surgery.

Then you don't need your dad. If he offers you nothing, you don't need him. What about your mom?
If he's all you have and this is what he's giving you, why do you need him? Either get him out of your life or bring up these issues with him. He'll either listen and change or he won't.

People who have to brag about it are clearly trying to over-compensate for something else, or are just shitty people trying to rub it in. Pay them no mind. Even if they had great fathers, so what, look at the kind of people it produced.

And your body image goes more to just a lack of self esteem; you have others issues that you are critical of yourself over and so you add body on top of that, because it isn't outright perfect in your mind.

Again, any friends or possible connection you can have won't judge you on such a thing, and I'm sure you look fine overall, and as many others have also said, are probably way too critical on your looks for this reason. Plastic surgery isn't your fix.
[Image: giphy.gif]
Reply
#7
(03-21-2019, 06:34 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 06:16 AM)nothing1998 Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 05:51 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 05:23 AM)nothing1998 Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 03:24 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote: If you're comparing, you obviously are somewhat jealous that they have what you feel you do not.

Tell me what it is you think that entails and then why you think those things matter. That's a good first step.
Thank you for helping me
Yes i am a very jealous and insecure person and i hate  it.
I get jealous when I see a pretty person because they have a much easier life than me (they dont hate themselves they bodies,they feel comfortable in their skins,nobody bully them)ofcourse I'm happy for them but I feel so sad about myself too.
And I get jealous when others have good relationship with their dads and they dad loves them 
Because my dad was abusive and he never loved me 
and so on....
And I get jealous when I see people are happy with simplest things  while nothing can makes me happy

I didn't expect father issues would come into this. How do you know for sure their relationships with their fathers is as good as you think? Have you ever gone home with them or talked about it? Don't imagine stuff you aren't sure about.

But father issues and body issues are two pretty big separate issues to me.

I guess there's no real point in comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own card they were played with and have to make due. It's nice to maybe look into someone else's life and see how much better or worse they had it, but not get bitter about it.

I never had anything that was popular growing up like video games and I wanted them so badly, and loved it when I could go over to others' houses to see and/or play them. But I never felt inadequate because I didn't have them; more upset that my family wouldn't buy them for me like everyone else did.

And in time, I got my own money and got them eventually. If you want something bad enough, you'll get it.

I say use someone else's life as either inspiration or a guideline, more so than get jealous of them. Say "I'll do it too" and then go for it.

And if you see someone with a worse situation than you, then that's nothing but inspiration for me. Like "Wow, they did it with a worse hand than me, I can too."

There's other more positive ways to look at it to improve yourself and get what it is you're pining for than just be bitter about it.
My roommates they always brag about that how much their dad loves them and  have respect for them and I can see their relationship with their dads when they call their dads(i observed their phone calls with their dads metaculesly)
But my dad always criticises me and always calls me dumb and he makes me feel so worthless and even there  was times when he physically abused me for not a justified reason.
We never had a good relationship even when I was a little girl.
But I can't buy a good relationship with my dad or happiness(I mean enjoying from simplest things)no matter what
but yes I can buy looks with plastic surgery.

Then you don't need your dad. If he offers you nothing, you don't need him. What about your mom?
If he's all you have and this is what he's giving you, why do you need him? Either get him out of your life or bring up these issues with him. He'll either listen and change or he won't.

People who have to brag about it are clearly trying to over-compensate for something else, or are just shitty people trying to rub it in. Pay them no mind. Even if they had great fathers, so what, look at the kind of people it produced.

And your body image goes more to just a lack of self esteem; you have others issues that you are critical of yourself over and so you add body on top of that, because it isn't outright perfect in your mind.

Again, any friends or possible connection you can have won't judge you on such a thing, and I'm sure you look fine overall, and as many others have also said, are probably way too critical on your looks for this reason. Plastic surgery isn't your fix.
Well I have a full scholarship so I dont need his money for my college and that's a positive point because I know he would never pay for my college.
My mom is a bit better but she's not attentive and kind too.
When I talk to him about our bad relationship we always end up in a big row and shouting at each other  and he never  explained the reason that why he's so cold with me or why he verbally and physically abused me.


But maybe if I had a dad like them I would brag about it too.i know it may sound awkward and childish when I'm jealous to others people dads but it really makes me sad when I compare my dad with their dads.
Reply
#8
(03-21-2019, 06:59 AM)nothing1998 Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 06:34 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 06:16 AM)nothing1998 Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 05:51 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 05:23 AM)nothing1998 Wrote: Thank you for helping me
Yes i am a very jealous and insecure person and i hate  it.
I get jealous when I see a pretty person because they have a much easier life than me (they dont hate themselves they bodies,they feel comfortable in their skins,nobody bully them)ofcourse I'm happy for them but I feel so sad about myself too.
And I get jealous when others have good relationship with their dads and they dad loves them 
Because my dad was abusive and he never loved me 
and so on....
And I get jealous when I see people are happy with simplest things  while nothing can makes me happy

I didn't expect father issues would come into this. How do you know for sure their relationships with their fathers is as good as you think? Have you ever gone home with them or talked about it? Don't imagine stuff you aren't sure about.

But father issues and body issues are two pretty big separate issues to me.

I guess there's no real point in comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own card they were played with and have to make due. It's nice to maybe look into someone else's life and see how much better or worse they had it, but not get bitter about it.

I never had anything that was popular growing up like video games and I wanted them so badly, and loved it when I could go over to others' houses to see and/or play them. But I never felt inadequate because I didn't have them; more upset that my family wouldn't buy them for me like everyone else did.

And in time, I got my own money and got them eventually. If you want something bad enough, you'll get it.

I say use someone else's life as either inspiration or a guideline, more so than get jealous of them. Say "I'll do it too" and then go for it.

And if you see someone with a worse situation than you, then that's nothing but inspiration for me. Like "Wow, they did it with a worse hand than me, I can too."

There's other more positive ways to look at it to improve yourself and get what it is you're pining for than just be bitter about it.
My roommates they always brag about that how much their dad loves them and  have respect for them and I can see their relationship with their dads when they call their dads(i observed their phone calls with their dads metaculesly)
But my dad always criticises me and always calls me dumb and he makes me feel so worthless and even there  was times when he physically abused me for not a justified reason.
We never had a good relationship even when I was a little girl.
But I can't buy a good relationship with my dad or happiness(I mean enjoying from simplest things)no matter what
but yes I can buy looks with plastic surgery.

Then you don't need your dad. If he offers you nothing, you don't need him. What about your mom?
If he's all you have and this is what he's giving you, why do you need him? Either get him out of your life or bring up these issues with him. He'll either listen and change or he won't.

People who have to brag about it are clearly trying to over-compensate for something else, or are just shitty people trying to rub it in. Pay them no mind. Even if they had great fathers, so what, look at the kind of people it produced.

And your body image goes more to just a lack of self esteem; you have others issues that you are critical of yourself over and so you add body on top of that, because it isn't outright perfect in your mind.

Again, any friends or possible connection you can have won't judge you on such a thing, and I'm sure you look fine overall, and as many others have also said, are probably way too critical on your looks for this reason. Plastic surgery isn't your fix.
Well I have a full scholarship so I dont need his money for my college and that's a positive point because I know he would never pay for my college.
My mom is a bit better but she's not attentive and kind too.
When I talk to him about our bad relationship we always end up in a big row and shouting at each other  and he never  explained the reason that why he's so cold with me or why he verbally and physically abused me.


But maybe if I had a dad like them I would brag about it too.i know it may sound awkward and childish when I'm jealous to others people dads but it really makes me sad when I compare my dad with their dads.

But someone's relationship with any parent shouldn't be their judge of character. I don't get where you put this correlation together.

I have friends and even had girlfriends with really messed up parents (what they actually DID to them) and some with the ideal family and it literally mattered zero in terms of my relationship or standing with them, to me or them.
[Image: giphy.gif]
Reply
#9
(03-21-2019, 08:25 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 06:59 AM)nothing1998 Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 06:34 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 06:16 AM)nothing1998 Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 05:51 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote: I didn't expect father issues would come into this. How do you know for sure their relationships with their fathers is as good as you think? Have you ever gone home with them or talked about it? Don't imagine stuff you aren't sure about.

But father issues and body issues are two pretty big separate issues to me.

I guess there's no real point in comparing yourself to others. Everyone has their own card they were played with and have to make due. It's nice to maybe look into someone else's life and see how much better or worse they had it, but not get bitter about it.

I never had anything that was popular growing up like video games and I wanted them so badly, and loved it when I could go over to others' houses to see and/or play them. But I never felt inadequate because I didn't have them; more upset that my family wouldn't buy them for me like everyone else did.

And in time, I got my own money and got them eventually. If you want something bad enough, you'll get it.

I say use someone else's life as either inspiration or a guideline, more so than get jealous of them. Say "I'll do it too" and then go for it.

And if you see someone with a worse situation than you, then that's nothing but inspiration for me. Like "Wow, they did it with a worse hand than me, I can too."

There's other more positive ways to look at it to improve yourself and get what it is you're pining for than just be bitter about it.
My roommates they always brag about that how much their dad loves them and  have respect for them and I can see their relationship with their dads when they call their dads(i observed their phone calls with their dads metaculesly)
But my dad always criticises me and always calls me dumb and he makes me feel so worthless and even there  was times when he physically abused me for not a justified reason.
We never had a good relationship even when I was a little girl.
But I can't buy a good relationship with my dad or happiness(I mean enjoying from simplest things)no matter what
but yes I can buy looks with plastic surgery.

Then you don't need your dad. If he offers you nothing, you don't need him. What about your mom?
If he's all you have and this is what he's giving you, why do you need him? Either get him out of your life or bring up these issues with him. He'll either listen and change or he won't.

People who have to brag about it are clearly trying to over-compensate for something else, or are just shitty people trying to rub it in. Pay them no mind. Even if they had great fathers, so what, look at the kind of people it produced.

And your body image goes more to just a lack of self esteem; you have others issues that you are critical of yourself over and so you add body on top of that, because it isn't outright perfect in your mind.

Again, any friends or possible connection you can have won't judge you on such a thing, and I'm sure you look fine overall, and as many others have also said, are probably way too critical on your looks for this reason. Plastic surgery isn't your fix.
Well I have a full scholarship so I dont need his money for my college and that's a positive point because I know he would never pay for my college.
My mom is a bit better but she's not attentive and kind too.
When I talk to him about our bad relationship we always end up in a big row and shouting at each other  and he never  explained the reason that why he's so cold with me or why he verbally and physically abused me.


But maybe if I had a dad like them I would brag about it too.i know it may sound awkward and childish when I'm jealous to others people dads but it really makes me sad when I compare my dad with their dads.

But someone's relationship with any parent shouldn't be their judge of character. I don't get where you put this correlation together.

I have friends and even had girlfriends with really messed up parents (what they actually DID to them) and some with the ideal family and it literally mattered zero in terms of my relationship or standing with them, to me or them.

Actually they dont know about my bad relationship with my dad i know they will make fun of me
But when you dont have a bad relationship with your dad you think all men will treat you like him 
or when you find some traits of that guy similar to your dad those traits disgust you 
Or i find older men much more attractive because i think they can play my dad role for me 
Im speaking for myself ofcourse.
Reply
#10
(03-21-2019, 07:14 PM)nothing1998 Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 08:25 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 06:59 AM)nothing1998 Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 06:34 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote:
(03-21-2019, 06:16 AM)nothing1998 Wrote: My roommates they always brag about that how much their dad loves them and  have respect for them and I can see their relationship with their dads when they call their dads(i observed their phone calls with their dads metaculesly)
But my dad always criticises me and always calls me dumb and he makes me feel so worthless and even there  was times when he physically abused me for not a justified reason.
We never had a good relationship even when I was a little girl.
But I can't buy a good relationship with my dad or happiness(I mean enjoying from simplest things)no matter what
but yes I can buy looks with plastic surgery.

Then you don't need your dad. If he offers you nothing, you don't need him. What about your mom?
If he's all you have and this is what he's giving you, why do you need him? Either get him out of your life or bring up these issues with him. He'll either listen and change or he won't.

People who have to brag about it are clearly trying to over-compensate for something else, or are just shitty people trying to rub it in. Pay them no mind. Even if they had great fathers, so what, look at the kind of people it produced.

And your body image goes more to just a lack of self esteem; you have others issues that you are critical of yourself over and so you add body on top of that, because it isn't outright perfect in your mind.

Again, any friends or possible connection you can have won't judge you on such a thing, and I'm sure you look fine overall, and as many others have also said, are probably way too critical on your looks for this reason. Plastic surgery isn't your fix.
Well I have a full scholarship so I dont need his money for my college and that's a positive point because I know he would never pay for my college.
My mom is a bit better but she's not attentive and kind too.
When I talk to him about our bad relationship we always end up in a big row and shouting at each other  and he never  explained the reason that why he's so cold with me or why he verbally and physically abused me.


But maybe if I had a dad like them I would brag about it too.i know it may sound awkward and childish when I'm jealous to others people dads but it really makes me sad when I compare my dad with their dads.

But someone's relationship with any parent shouldn't be their judge of character. I don't get where you put this correlation together.

I have friends and even had girlfriends with really messed up parents (what they actually DID to them) and some with the ideal family and it literally mattered zero in terms of my relationship or standing with them, to me or them.

Actually they dont know about my bad relationship with my dad i know they will make fun of me
But when you dont have a good relationship with your dad you think all men will treat you like him 
or when you find some traits of that guy similar to your dad those traits disgust you 
Or i find older men much more attractive because i think they can play my dad role for me 
Im speaking for myself ofcourse.

That's definitely not something you want to do, using a partner as a surrogate parent. Like, you really need to get through these issues first before you're ever ready for a romantic relationship.
[Image: giphy.gif]
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