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How do people know that I am a loner?
#1
Everyone that I talk to instantly know that I am a loner.

All my coworkers know I am a loner.
My classmates know I am a loner.

Is it because I have no social skills?

How can I mask this? How can I look like I have friends even when I don't.
I don't know about you but its kind of insulting whens someone tells you, "you are a loner".

I hope everyone on this forum feels the same way about this.
If someone tells you, you are a loner. Do you feel insulted?
I cry every time I lay in bed when someone calls me a loner.
I feel like no one cares about me because they are disrespecting me.

How can I talk to people when everyone thinks I am a loner?

What do "normal" people (people with friends) act so other people or strangers that they talk to don't instantly think I am a loner?

My coworkers and my classmates don't know anything about me. They know that I am a loner well I guess assuming. But they assumed right.
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#2
Well, how do you generally act around everyone? Knowing that would help.

You know how to type and generally get a story across, so you don't give off socially awkward vibes to me.

Also, I guess I have to bring up; you basically admit you ARE a loner, and everyone else can sense it too. Why does this bother you? Is that a longer might be misconstrued as a loser?
There are other meanings for 'loner' too; like "the cool guy who goes his own way", so how do you know they aren't even meaning that?

But I think the most worrying part is you seem to care more about deceiving others with a persona that isn't you, vs maybe improving your situation for the same effect. Like, don't have friends? Well, go and try to find some. Then you won't be a "loner" anymore and your feelings about yourself will improve as well.

Way more useful, I feel than simply pretending for the sake of others and still being miserable over it whether they end up believing the act or not.

If there's one lesson I learned in life is when you stop really worrying what others think of you, you're going to be a lot happier in general. But I'd recommend maybe taking steps to better your situation with every issue you feel you have vs just getting better masking it.
[Image: giphy.gif]
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#3
(03-21-2019, 10:24 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote: Well, how do you generally act around everyone? Knowing that would help.

You know how to type and generally get a story across, so you don't give off socially awkward vibes to me.

Also, I guess I have to bring up; you basically admit you ARE a loner, and everyone else can sense it too. Why does this bother you? Is that a longer might be misconstrued as a loser?
There are other meanings for 'loner' too; like "the cool guy who goes his own way", so how do you know they aren't even meaning that?

But I think the most worrying part is you seem to care more about deceiving others with a persona that isn't you, vs maybe improving your situation for the same effect. Like, don't have friends? Well, go and try to find some. Then you won't be a "loner" anymore and your feelings about yourself will improve as well.

Way more useful, I feel than simply pretending for the sake of others and still being miserable over it whether they end up believing the act or not.

If there's one lesson I learned in life is when you stop really worrying what others think of you, you're going to be a lot happier in general. But I'd recommend maybe taking steps to better your situation with every issue you feel you have vs just getting better masking it.
I am fine being alone. I been living alone all my life. I never had a friend so I never got the chance to build my social skills.

I want to come out of my shell and start making friends. It makes me jealous that people are having fun with their friends. How I act in an interaction? I am really naive because i never had friends to experience things. I just come home from school or work and just study and play games alone. So I really don't say anything but talk about school work.

Because I am naive, I am basically learning social skills starting at the level of a child. I noticed to be yourself you have to be comfortable in your own skin.
I used to put up a fake persona but all that got me is in to more bullying and trouble. People called me weird for not being myself.

I thought I was a funny dude but people were just saying that to not hurt my feelings.
I noticed this until I left my first job for putting up this fake persona. 

So every day, month, and year, I change. I am growing old so I need to change fast because once I graduate from college I know I won't have any friends to show off. While other people can.

All I want to do is I don't want to give off a vibe where people instantly considers me a loner or a person with no social life.
When people acknowledge it, it's really disrespecting.
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#4
(03-21-2019, 10:24 AM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote: Well, how do you generally act around everyone? Knowing that would help.

You know how to type and generally get a story across, so you don't give off socially awkward vibes to me.

Also, I guess I have to bring up; you basically admit you ARE a loner, and everyone else can sense it too. Why does this bother you? Is that a longer might be misconstrued as a loser?
There are other meanings for 'loner' too; like "the cool guy who goes his own way", so how do you know they aren't even meaning that?

But I think the most worrying part is you seem to care more about deceiving others with a persona that isn't you, vs maybe improving your situation for the same effect. Like, don't have friends? Well, go and try to find some. Then you won't be a "loner" anymore and your feelings about yourself will improve as well.

Way more useful, I feel than simply pretending for the sake of others and still being miserable over it whether they end up believing the act or not.

If there's one lesson I learned in life is when you stop really worrying what others think of you, you're going to be a lot happier in general. But I'd recommend maybe taking steps to better your situation with every issue you feel you have vs just getting better masking it.

Also I met 2 girls in college.
One was smart and one was the one that doesn't care about school and parties all day.

Damm The smart girl introduced me to her friends and I just sat there awkwardly quiet. Not knowing what to talk about. I was honest with her up front.
I told her "I don't have any friends, I don't think you should introduce your friends to me. It's not fair because I get to see your friends but I can't show you mine."
I rejected a girl too "I told her I didn't want her to date a loner like me." That's why I want to have a social life so I don't have to think like this anymore.
I am a nice guy, I like to help people and I am really loyal. I read from a website that they said loners were loyal.
I guess it's a stigma.

The girl that doesn't care about school, also invited me to a EDC party. People were having fun and because I was naive. It was hard to blend in. I couldn't dance, I just stood there awkwardly. OFC, I didn't tell this girl that I was a loner. I bet she knew that I was.

That's why I like to stay home and reject offers of interacting because I HATE THE AWKWARD FEELING I get.


The same question as before.
How can I be less awkward and know what to talk about?
How can I show less of a vibe that people makes me look like a loner?

I am pretty sure that no one in this forums give off a vibe in real life that they are loners.
Please teach me. I don't need support. I need knowledge and to learn.
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#5
I don't want to teach you how to further deceive people. That's not going to help you.

So you were awkward with that girl and essentially were awkward at every chance? But how did she react to that? To what you said? Was she still cool with it? Was everyone cool with it? You're allowed to be yourself and most people won't judge you for it.

I'm not sure if you even liked this girl or went along out of guilt or peer pressure, but if you really don't want to go out or anything, just say "Yeah, no thanks." And do what you want. People will eventually stop asking you if you give off this vibe, so make sure it's something you really want.

I was exactly like you when I was really young; the worst kind of wallflower at any social gathering, even if I knew people or not. I just wanted to leave and not come at all.
You change by just making friends and getting more exposure. That's really the only advice I can give, more experience. Try talking to one of those people one on one if you want to and see if you can click with them and go from there. But don't just jump back into big gatherings. Baby steps. Get comfortable one on one first.

And if you really want people to stay away period, then just be adamant in that belief. "Oh, no thanks" and that's it. Don't be afraid to voice it. Feeling like this too, why would it matter what everyone thought of you?
But something tells me this is only the persona you wish to create and not the real you, so I'd stick to the first bit of advice.
[Image: giphy.gif]
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#6
Here are the 11 rules from the book "how to win friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie. I've read it for the first time a year ago and made some notes so this list isn't perfect, but I guess it should give you an idea of what to do to make friends. I haven't really tried these rules yet, because I was too shy when I read the book for the first time. But I think these rules will help a lot.

1. Don't criticize anyone
2. If you want to convince someone to do something, you have to get them interested in that (Show them why it's good for THEM)
3. Lob others, but be honest
4. Be interested in others(remember their birthdays, and interests)
5. Smile(Especially when you met someone for the first time)
6. Remember their names
7. Be a good listener(encourage them to speak about themselves)
8. Talk about their interests and try to learn something about them
9. Strengthen the other in self-confidence
10. Don't argue and when you argue, try to find agreements, be honest, make proposals and thank them in the end
11. Don't say the other is wrong

Sounds pretty plausible, doesn't it? But many people break these rules sometimes and it's really bad when they criticize others because it just causes resentment.
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#7
Your body gives away a lot of information, even if you don’t want it to. Reading someone is best done by seeing that person because it’s very hard to hide those small signs and messages it sends. You can train yourself to act more confident and thereby making it less likely that you get written off as a certain type of person. Think about how you are projecting yourself and try to change it, if that’s what you truly want.
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#8
(03-22-2019, 05:38 AM)LittleCrow Wrote: Your body gives away a lot of information, even if you don’t want it to. Reading someone is best done by seeing that person because it’s very hard to hide those small signs and messages it sends. You can train yourself to act more confident and thereby making it less likely that you get written off as a certain type of person. Think about how you are projecting yourself and try to change it, if that’s what you truly want.

The thing is, I am not shy to converse with people. I don’t have a shyness disorder. I want to know why people can assume I have no friends. I help people out, I text immediately, I am kind, honest, trustworthy, and confident.

There is nothing wrong with me. The only problem is that people don’t want a loner in their friend groups. Almost everyone I talked to turned cold. Once they knew I had no friends, there was no 2 minute text messages and trip planning. Everyone flakes on me. So i knew they didn’t want to be my friends.

I have to look less obvious so my loneliness don’t scare people away. I made the mistake for telling my first few friends that I didn’t have any friends. They bullied me so I left my first job.
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#9
(03-22-2019, 12:39 PM)advancedip Wrote:
(03-22-2019, 05:38 AM)LittleCrow Wrote: Your body gives away a lot of information, even if you don’t want it to. Reading someone is best done by seeing that person because it’s very hard to hide those small signs and messages it sends. You can train yourself to act more confident and thereby making it less likely that you get written off as a certain type of person. Think about how you are projecting yourself and try to change it, if that’s what you truly want.

The thing is, I am not shy to converse with people. I don’t have a shyness disorder. I want to know why people can assume I have no friends. I help people out, I text immediately, I am kind, honest, trustworthy, and confident.

There is nothing wrong with me. The only problem is that people don’t want a loner in their friend groups. Almost everyone I talked to turned cold. Once they knew I had no friends, there was no 2 minute text messages and trip planning. Everyone flakes on me. So i knew they didn’t want to be my friends.

I have to look less obvious so my loneliness don’t scare people away. I made the mistake for telling my first few friends that I didn’t have any friends. They bullied me so I left my first job.

I think your problem is not your loneliness. You said to the 2 girls you met that you don't want a relationship with them because you are a loner. It wasn't the other way around. 
You assume that others don't want to be friends with you because you are a loner. So you don't build a relationship with them, because you don't want to hurt them or you feel like you would use them, because you don't have any friends to show them. Think about that, if you know why you don't want to make friends as a loner, you can try to change that.

If they really don't want a loner as their friend, which is unlikely, you still can make friends on this forum.
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#10
(03-23-2019, 01:59 AM)Dr_Pixel Wrote:
(03-22-2019, 12:39 PM)advancedip Wrote:
(03-22-2019, 05:38 AM)LittleCrow Wrote: Your body gives away a lot of information, even if you don’t want it to. Reading someone is best done by seeing that person because it’s very hard to hide those small signs and messages it sends. You can train yourself to act more confident and thereby making it less likely that you get written off as a certain type of person. Think about how you are projecting yourself and try to change it, if that’s what you truly want.

The thing is, I am not shy to converse with people. I don’t have a shyness disorder. I want to know why people can assume I have no friends. I help people out, I text immediately, I am kind, honest, trustworthy, and confident.

There is nothing wrong with me. The only problem is that people don’t want a loner in their friend groups. Almost everyone I talked to turned cold. Once they knew I had no friends, there was no 2 minute text messages and trip planning. Everyone flakes on me. So i knew they didn’t want to be my friends.

I have to look less obvious so my loneliness don’t scare people away. I made the mistake for telling my first few friends that I didn’t have any friends. They bullied me so I left my first job.

I think your problem is not your loneliness. You said to the 2 girls you met that you don't want a relationship with them because you are a loner. It wasn't the other way around. 
You assume that others don't want to be friends with you because you are a loner. So you don't build a relationship with them, because you don't want to hurt them or you feel like you would use them, because you don't have any friends to show them. Think about that, if you know why you don't want to make friends as a loner, you can try to change that.

If they really don't want a loner as their friend, which is unlikely, you still can make friends on this forum.

I think you misunderstood. The 2 girls turned cold after I met their friends/went to a EDC club. I start conversations with them and we never have a long conversation anymore. It always goes like, I’m very busy when I try to socialize them. After a lot of convo rejection, I thought it was to move on with my life and find new friends. I still have them added on FaceBook and Instagram. But who cares it’s 20 people I can’t show off to potential new friends.

I had a friend and he was the friend where friendship lasts a long time. I never told him that I have no friends. So I wanted to hang out with him every day and eat Popeyes and study together. He invited me to his house. But all of a sudden, I don’t what happened 6 months later, I send a text or a call, I receive a text or call back ever.

I noticed if you want to be a friend, you have to offer something and be useful. It’s not the definition of friendship but people only be with people that are useful. 

Another situation is like the job. When people are going to view you as a loner. I run away and I refuse to be their friends. I don’t want them to know me as a loser.
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