ok so this is going to be a little bit of a rant...
ok, so i am more or less your average late teen early twenties lonely type that seems fairly common on this board. I have a few friends and im thankful for that, but i spend like 90% of my time alone, never do anything except for study, surf the web, and walk around smoking by myself. My only "girlfriend" was in 8th grade, and even that was really weird and i havent even been on a date since then.
Now, I know what i have to improve my life. everyone says the same thing; just put yourself out there, go talk to people and do things, join some clubs, etc etc. What sucks is that I dont think i am going to do any of that , most importantly because because i am such a ******* coward, and secondly, i am socially inept (read stupid) and deathly boring. Even if i was going to go socialize with people, i already know that it will be horribly awkward at best because i can never think of anything good to say and am stuck between saying something idiotic to just get it out there, and having everyone know what a ******** I am, or just saying nothing and having everyone ignore me. So i know, i know, practice makes perfect and with enough awkward situations and such eventually it woud get better. But that is the problem, i hate it so much that theres no way ill ever be able to force myself to do it enough for that to happen. Oh sure, maybe tonight i'll be like "ok im going to talk to that girl in my such and such class tommorrow if its the last ******* thing i do" but then tomorrow rolls around and i cant think of anything to say, so i doesn't seem like it matters that much anymore anyway so i never do. And the real problem is that i know talking to that one girl is going to do me any **** good anyway...I have to talk to lots of people, not just lonely looking girls, not just all girls, and not even jsut girls but just a buttload of social interaction. And knowing my incredibly difficulties starting a conversation or staying in a conversation with even just one person, that seems like its just ******* impossible.
hokay, so that was my angry rant for the day. I have to say, it may be pessimistic and self-pitying bull, but I feel much better now. Have a good day y'all.
ok, so i am more or less your average late teen early twenties lonely type that seems fairly common on this board. I have a few friends and im thankful for that, but i spend like 90% of my time alone, never do anything except for study, surf the web, and walk around smoking by myself. My only "girlfriend" was in 8th grade, and even that was really weird and i havent even been on a date since then.
Now, I know what i have to improve my life. everyone says the same thing; just put yourself out there, go talk to people and do things, join some clubs, etc etc. What sucks is that I dont think i am going to do any of that , most importantly because because i am such a ******* coward, and secondly, i am socially inept (read stupid) and deathly boring. Even if i was going to go socialize with people, i already know that it will be horribly awkward at best because i can never think of anything good to say and am stuck between saying something idiotic to just get it out there, and having everyone know what a ******** I am, or just saying nothing and having everyone ignore me. So i know, i know, practice makes perfect and with enough awkward situations and such eventually it woud get better. But that is the problem, i hate it so much that theres no way ill ever be able to force myself to do it enough for that to happen. Oh sure, maybe tonight i'll be like "ok im going to talk to that girl in my such and such class tommorrow if its the last ******* thing i do" but then tomorrow rolls around and i cant think of anything to say, so i doesn't seem like it matters that much anymore anyway so i never do. And the real problem is that i know talking to that one girl is going to do me any **** good anyway...I have to talk to lots of people, not just lonely looking girls, not just all girls, and not even jsut girls but just a buttload of social interaction. And knowing my incredibly difficulties starting a conversation or staying in a conversation with even just one person, that seems like its just ******* impossible.
hokay, so that was my angry rant for the day. I have to say, it may be pessimistic and self-pitying bull, but I feel much better now. Have a good day y'all.
