Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
I want to make friends but I end up leaving them..
#1
I want to make friends but every time they assume I am a loner. I just want to run away. I don't want to be that guy in the group where I am recognized a loner. It's probably the fact that I have so much time on my hands that I want to spend time with them only. Because I have no friends, I want to spend time with them. But it looks like people don't want to be friends with me. The fact that they have to disrespect me. You know how disrespecting it is to be considered a loner. That's why I rather stay home then to be outside alone. What nerves do people have to assume I am a loner? I just want to be your friend and all I hear out of their mouths are "you are naive", "you don't got friends?", or something on these lines. So that's why once you assume this, I just run away from them and never contact them. I rather move to another place and live a new life then to live as a loner. No one in this world wants to be lonely. I just want to know how I can mask my 'loner' persona. I noticed that making friends in college is harder than making friends in high school. So it looks like I am screwed either way. No one on this forums can help me, all I ever get on this forums is encouragement, which I am grateful for. There is people that cares about me and other loners.

ADVERTISEMENTS
Reply
#2
Why do you find it disrespectful to be "the loner"?
Reply
#3
So, I take it not much has changed since your last topic.... Not sure what else we can tell you, man.

ADVERTISEMENTS
[Image: giphy.gif]
Reply
#4
I can't recall what was said in your other thread, but why not just start a hobby or something, even volunteering that will take you where people are and keep doing that, eventually, you will find some people who talk to you and they could become your friends. I really don't think people can tell you are a loner unless you are very obvious about the fact that you prefer to be alone.
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM 
[Image: 190023__17637.1549904052.jpg?c=2]
Reply
#5
(03-30-2019, 12:25 PM)Nicolelt Wrote: Why do you find it disrespectful to be "the loner"?

Society plays a huge role on the term loner. No one should be proud of being a loner. Society outside of these forums consider us loners as losers. To them, loners and losers means the same thing. We are loners so we try to stay positive and say "we are loners but not losers." It's more of a critique. We need to be critical on how we view ourselves. No one likes be called a loser, no one wants to be stared at because we are losers, and etc.

(03-30-2019, 12:47 PM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote: So, I take it not much has changed since your last topic.... Not sure what else we can tell you, man.

It's just a different perspective in a more neutral point of view.

I want to solve this problem before I run out of time.
I don't make friends now, I will never have any REAL friends in the future.
Reply
#6
What exactly is this time crunch you speak of? There is no definitive end to something so long as you don't believe there is.
[Image: giphy.gif]
Reply
#7
(03-31-2019, 12:51 PM)Enpatsu No Shakugan Wrote: What exactly is this time crunch you speak of? There is no definitive end to something so long as you don't believe there is.

The time is that it will get harder and harder to make friends as you age. Especially when I am so young that I should be having fun with friends right now. But I can't because I have no friends. So I sit in my room suffering from loneliness.

I can see a lot of people on this forums kind of content on being lonely. I am probably the only loner in the world that fears being lonely. When I read your posts, I feel like it is okay to be a loner but to me I don't like it. I am tried of being lonely. I been alone for my entire 20 years, I probably would be alone until I am 40. If I don't fix my social awkwardness or some reason why people thinks I am a loner.

Is it the way I speak?
Is it the fact that I can't hold a normal conversation because I have nothing to say?
Is it because I am naive so I don't have experience to talk about anything?
I am open minded but how do you converse with people with common topics when you know nothing about the topic?
I feel like there are very few people that enjoys what I do.
What do I enjoy? Not video games. I play video games because I have nothing better to do.
But I like partying, the first time my female friend took me partying. I enjoyed it because surrounded by many people dancing.
I don't have a ambition for dancing but just to go with the flow.

The next friends I want to make.
I have to show them by good side and hide the bad (loner life). But the thing is, once I open my mouth people instantly knows I am a loner.
So I think it's being I am bad at conversing or socially awkward.
I changed and learned a lot of things.
I am not trying to put up a fake persona. Why would I let someone treat me as a loner?
I have self respect.
Reply
#8
Everyone has a different pace. Again, I've actually had more luck with finding people in my life as I got older. Just because that seems to be what everyone else is doing or whatever, so what? They're not you.
[Image: giphy.gif]
Reply
#9
Maybe you shouldn't just be "sitting in your room 'suffering from loneliness'".
You can go out and have fun on your own, you know? It's pretty much the only way to experience life if you can't go out with friends, do it on your own.
Or would you rather get to forty with the same issues and still no life experiences?

You are not the only person in the world that is afraid of being alone. I can't give you statistics on that, but you aren't.
The thing about fear is, it's something to be overcome. It can help and it can hurt. You need to be able to tell one from the other and you can't do that if you're paralyzed by it. I'm not saying you are, that's for you to figure out.

If any of us were really content being lonely we wouldn't be on this forum. We just aren't going to beat ourselves up for it.

What I think might be going on when you're interacting with others... and again you can decide if I'm right or wrong. It's your life. I think you're going into these interactions with the mindset that they aren't going to like you. And then at the slightest bit of awkwardness your suspicions are confirmed. You're certain that they think you're a loner, they don't like you, maybe you think they are laughing at you sometimes... idk. It's all pretty common when you have social anxiety. But the big part that you can control, is how you go into the conversation and how you choose to interpret the conversation. I used to overthink ever conversation I had at work during the day and even though I thought it went great at the time by the end of the night when I was alone I was certain that they all really hated me and were making fun of me all day. Our minds/emotions can mess with us pretty badly if we let them.

Just try being honest about yourself, and your limitations (if you don't know about a topic don't fake it just admit it, but tell them it's interesting if it is to you) and show interest in the other person(s) don't just talk about yourself the whole time. Listening is great. People love it because it shows a genuine interest on your part.

I hope all this helps... but I also hope that you realize you are not a loser just because you're alone. Even if you were right and other people thought that way about you, you are worth more than other people's opinions of you.
Reply
#10
(04-01-2019, 09:58 AM)kaetic Wrote: Maybe you shouldn't just be "sitting in your room 'suffering from loneliness'".
You can go out and have fun on your own, you know? It's pretty much the only way to experience life if you can't go out with friends, do it on your own.
Or would you rather get to forty with the same issues and still no life experiences?

You are not the only person in the world that is afraid of being alone. I can't give you statistics on that, but you aren't.
The thing about fear is, it's something to be overcome. It can help and it can hurt. You need to be able to tell one from the other and you can't do that if you're paralyzed by it. I'm not saying you are, that's for you to figure out.

If any of us were really content being lonely we wouldn't be on this forum. We just aren't going to beat ourselves up for it.

What I think might be going on when you're interacting with others... and again you can decide if I'm right or wrong. It's your life. I think you're going into these interactions with the mindset that they aren't going to like you. And then at the slightest bit of awkwardness your suspicions are confirmed. You're certain that they think you're a loner, they don't like you, maybe you think they are laughing at you sometimes... idk. It's all pretty common when you have social anxiety. But the big part that you can control, is how you go into the conversation and how you choose to interpret the conversation. I used to overthink ever conversation I had at work during the day and even though I thought it went great at the time by the end of the night when I was alone I was certain that they all really hated me and were making fun of me all day. Our minds/emotions can mess with us pretty badly if we let them.

Just try being honest about yourself, and your limitations (if you don't know about a topic don't fake it just admit it, but tell them it's interest if it is to you) and show interest in the other person(s) don't just talk about yourself the whole time. Listening is great. People love it because it shows a genuine interest on your part.

I hope all this helps... but I also hope that you realize you are not a loser just because you're alone. Even if you were right and other people thought that way about you, you are worth more than other people's opinions of you.

Exactly, going in THINKING you're going to fail is all but going to ensure it.

I actually find people enjoy when someone can just be themselves without really worry if they'll be liked or not, and in turn makes them liked. The quirks about oneself you might abhor might be very electric or even charming to others.

First hand experience on this.
[Image: giphy.gif]
Reply


Possibly Related Threads…
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  I have no friends offline Madrigal 14 3,318 05-02-2021, 08:14 PM
Last Post: LonelyUser
  Not sure if I have friends Mrloggy 3 2,323 07-08-2020, 12:57 AM
Last Post: Finished
  Where would I go about making friends Red Mouse 11 5,786 01-08-2020, 09:42 PM
Last Post: Neena21
  Older friends HippyAl 3 2,076 12-26-2019, 06:16 AM
Last Post: SirPanda
  Friends are hard to find. Azariah 31 18,904 12-26-2019, 05:02 AM
Last Post: Diagnosed
  I dont have any friends humourless 13 6,136 11-11-2019, 11:25 AM
Last Post: Diagnosed
  Do people become less interested in making friends with age? Tealeaf 41 22,627 11-05-2019, 07:29 AM
Last Post: Diagnosed
  The workplace as a good place to make friends? Tealeaf 24 8,489 06-17-2019, 01:29 AM
Last Post: Richard_39
  Recently alienated when I tried to make friends via meetup.com hewhowalksalone 20 7,813 03-06-2019, 12:09 PM
Last Post: Enpatsu No Shakugan
  I can't make friends at work and it makes my days super hard lovableplatypus 14 7,087 03-03-2019, 04:06 AM
Last Post: Greenish

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)