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Some Days
#1
Anyone else get overwhelmed by their past some days?

I have survived brain cancer, lived through losing my dad to depression (he is alive but has been mostly absent since I was a kid, I'm now in my 30s), my brother stopped talking to me over 10 years ago because he has always as blamed my birth as the cause of death of his mother, my birth mother, who died a day after I was born due to birth complications. I lost my best friend from childhood a few years ago who died because of an unknown eplileptic condition. I have no friends to call to hang out with, my mom suffers from depression and has always been somewhat absent from my life. 

I try to make the best of my own life - I ran my first marathon last year, just landed a really good job, have my first girlfriend in over a decade. 

I just find that my past holds me back some days despite the positives. I've done therapy, etc etc, but the cycle repeats and I find myself in these days/weeks of just being down about life with no one to talk to about it. Making friends in your 30s sucks and you can't just rely on your girlfriend / significant other for everything. 


Anyone else have this experience? Any advice?
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#2
It's good that you're reaching out and trying to find a solution - I admire your courage to keep on fighting. Look at what you do have, and try to find joy in the little things.

I don't know if that helps. But that's what I do at times when I'm feeling down.
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#3
So sorry 4 everything u r going through.

Everyday is overwhelming 4 me.
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#4
It sounds like you've been through a lot, yet you have been able to make things better, at least in some aspects. And congrats on the marathon, that is not an easy thing to do.

Letting go of the past is hard, but what does hanging on to it give you? Does it do anything to make those things better? Does dwelling on them give you anything good? I choose not to hang on to the past events that have happened to me. They are done and over and there's nothing I can do to change what happened.
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#5
(04-01-2019, 01:34 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: It sounds like you've been through a lot, yet you have been able to make things better, at least in some aspects.  And congrats on the marathon, that is not an easy thing to do.  

Letting go of the past is hard, but what does hanging on to it give you?  Does it do anything to make those things better?  Does dwelling on them give you anything good?  I choose not to hang on to the past events that have happened to me.  They are done and over and there's nothing I can do to change what happened.

I guess we all have a past that coincides with the future. It's letting it go that is tough for me to do. And no, it definitely doesn't make anything better by holding onto it. It just sneaks back into my awareness and takes hold at times. I need to figure out ways to not forget but also not allow them to return on an emotional level. I appreciate your comment.

Best,
Jack
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#6
(04-01-2019, 01:34 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: It sounds like you've been through a lot, yet you have been able to make things better, at least in some aspects.  And congrats on the marathon, that is not an easy thing to do.  

Letting go of the past is hard, but what does hanging on to it give you?  Does it do anything to make those things better?  Does dwelling on them give you anything good?  I choose not to hang on to the past events that have happened to me.  They are done and over and there's nothing I can do to change what happened.

Callie is right about the marathon thing. I'd be lucky to make it down the road. Sometimes the past can be a real terror. Lots of people say to let go of the past. It's not that simple for all of us.
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#7
(04-01-2019, 03:58 AM)Justjack Wrote:
(04-01-2019, 01:34 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: It sounds like you've been through a lot, yet you have been able to make things better, at least in some aspects.  And congrats on the marathon, that is not an easy thing to do.  

Letting go of the past is hard, but what does hanging on to it give you?  Does it do anything to make those things better?  Does dwelling on them give you anything good?  I choose not to hang on to the past events that have happened to me.  They are done and over and there's nothing I can do to change what happened.

I guess we all have a past that coincides with the future. It's letting it go that is tough for me to do. And no, it definitely doesn't make anything better by holding onto it. It just sneaks back into my awareness and takes hold at times. I need to figure out ways to not forget but also not allow them to return on an emotional level. I appreciate your comment.

Best,
Jack

Do you get sucked back in any time you think of it or is it just when other things are bothering you and you get overwhelmed? 
If you get sucked back in just simply by thinking about it and everything else is fine, I'd say it could be a problem and you need to find a way to accept the events that happened.  
If it only happens when you are overwhelmed or stressed, I'd say it's a pretty common thing that most people do.  I think it's fine unless you let it take over your life or throw yourself a really long pity party.  If it only lasts a day or less every once in a while, I wouldn't really worry about it too much, but if you haven't accepted it, you should still find a way to do so. 
I think things from our pasts bother us all when they pop into our heads.  My bother disowned me years ago over something stupid after he chose to believe lies instead of the truth.  He's still believing those lies about more things than what happened with me.  And it does hurt and I would love to have my brother back.  So while I accept that what happened, happened and I can't change it.  I do sometimes get sad that I lost someone that I used to be pretty close to.
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#8
(04-01-2019, 08:49 AM)Raph Wrote:
(04-01-2019, 01:34 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: It sounds like you've been through a lot, yet you have been able to make things better, at least in some aspects.  And congrats on the marathon, that is not an easy thing to do.  

Letting go of the past is hard, but what does hanging on to it give you?  Does it do anything to make those things better?  Does dwelling on them give you anything good?  I choose not to hang on to the past events that have happened to me.  They are done and over and there's nothing I can do to change what happened.

Callie is right about the marathon thing. I'd be lucky to make it down the road. Sometimes the past can be a real terror. Lots of people say to let go of the past. It's not that simple for all of us.

Thanks Raph, counting your blessings is certainly a skill that is learned over time. It's finding that perfect balance between past, future and present, that seems to be tricky at times, and that's when my past overwhelms me. Usually it's a case of finding a way to bring myself back to the moment and send my positive energy into the next day. As they say, you can't win them all. Today has been much better. Appreciate your comment.

Best,
Jack

(04-01-2019, 08:56 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote:
(04-01-2019, 03:58 AM)Justjack Wrote:
(04-01-2019, 01:34 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: It sounds like you've been through a lot, yet you have been able to make things better, at least in some aspects.  And congrats on the marathon, that is not an easy thing to do.  

Letting go of the past is hard, but what does hanging on to it give you?  Does it do anything to make those things better?  Does dwelling on them give you anything good?  I choose not to hang on to the past events that have happened to me.  They are done and over and there's nothing I can do to change what happened.

I guess we all have a past that coincides with the future. It's letting it go that is tough for me to do. And no, it definitely doesn't make anything better by holding onto it. It just sneaks back into my awareness and takes hold at times. I need to figure out ways to not forget but also not allow them to return on an emotional level. I appreciate your comment.

Best,
Jack

Do you get sucked back in any time you think of it or is it just when other things are bothering you and you get overwhelmed? 
If you get sucked back in just simply by thinking about it and everything else is fine, I'd say it could be a problem and you need to find a way to accept the events that happened.  
If it only happens when you are overwhelmed or stressed, I'd say it's a pretty common thing that most people do.  I think it's fine unless you let it take over your life or throw yourself a really long pity party.  If it only lasts a day or less every once in a while, I wouldn't really worry about it too much, but if you haven't accepted it, you should still find a way to do so. 
I think things from our pasts bother us all when they pop into our heads.  My bother disowned me years ago over something stupid after he chose to believe lies instead of the truth.  He's still believing those lies about more things than what happened with me.  And it does hurt and I would love to have my brother back.  So while I accept that what happened, happened and I can't change it.  I do sometimes get sad that I lost someone that I used to be pretty close to.

---

Typically when things are bothering me - I spend a lot of time alone, and I think there's a fine balance between my much needed alone time (introvert) and too much. If I go, like I sometimes do, all weekend without talking to anyone, I get sucked in and it can be hard to break the spell. Luckily today I broke the spell. 

Sorry to hear about your Brother... Often I need to remind myself that it is not my fault when other people make bad decisions. Their decisions reflect their own state of mind. I've applied this logic to my brother whom I no longer have a relationship with and sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesn't.. I guess it all comes back to the little things in life =)
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#9
(03-31-2019, 12:12 PM)Justjack Wrote: Anyone else get overwhelmed by their past some days?

I have survived brain cancer, lived through losing my dad to depression (he is alive but has been mostly absent since I was a kid, I'm now in my 30s), my brother stopped talking to me over 10 years ago because he has always as blamed my birth as the cause of death of his mother, my birth mother, who died a day after I was born due to birth complications. I lost my best friend from childhood a few years ago who died because of an unknown eplileptic condition. I have no friends to call to hang out with, my mom suffers from depression and has always been somewhat absent from my life. 

I try to make the best of my own life - I ran my first marathon last year, just landed a really good job, have my first girlfriend in over a decade. 

I just find that my past holds me back some days despite the positives. I've done therapy, etc etc, but the cycle repeats and I find myself in these days/weeks of just being down about life with no one to talk to about it. Making friends in your 30s sucks and you can't just rely on your girlfriend / significant other for everything. 


Anyone else have this experience? Any advice?

I'd say it's normal. Sometimes I have those moments too when I remember my past, and wonder how things would've turned had I been more assertive back then (I had a difficult time standing up for myself when people treated me badly). It probably comes from an unconscious desire to rewrite the past, but unfortunately there's no rewriting that anymore, so all we can do is try to accept what happened.
Have you tried practicing gratitude? Like a gratitude journal or something? At least that helps in putting away those memories somewhat. since it serves as a reminder of the nice things you have in your present life, things that many people out there in the world aren't fortunate enough to have.
Want some tips on improving yourself or overcoming low-self esteem? Check out my blog!  Smile

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