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Loneliness, no friends, no relationships.
#1
This post is about feeling lonely when you have no social life or relationship. Just a bit about my personal experience.



I have always been an outcast, having social problems in the past. My life took a twist before fixing myself which resulted in losing all friends that I had, I'm not actually super unpopular, but I just have no friends to be with in person.

At first it felt pretty lonely, but after a while, I started involving myself in various subjects that I like to engage with and learn about. Now I have all sorts to work on and have ambition because I set myself many goals for the future, things to be productive with. It's funny because I thought it would be a negative at first losing all my friends and having no one to socialize with, but for me, I have found a lack of social life actually incredibly liberating. This isn't to say I'm against having either a social life or relationship in the future, but I found positives to not having any friends or relationship. It means you can do what you want, look how you want, go where you want, and have absolutely zero fear of judgement from anyone or anything. You can reinvent yourself in any way you wish, any way you feel you would like.

While "loneliness" sucks if you are feeling that way, there are ways to negate the feeling. If you are lonely due to no social life, no relationship, no family, perhaps try and focus on some of the positives and find a bunch of things you enjoy and engage with them. Maybe you have things you want to improve upon about yourself... With no-one looking over your shoulder or judging from afar, you can have no fear to improve on these things, whether perhaps that's changing your looks, your style, your hobbies... Improve your life for the better, You have complete freedom to do whatever you want, become a strong person with no one to stop you or judge you.
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#2
Loneliness gives you a lot of free time. I'm working on improving myself too, and not being judged by others is great, but I think it doesn't matter. The point of self-improvement is to improve yourself for you and not mainly for others. I also feel that fearing to be judged of others, is something that happens more in your mind. I'm a shy person, so I fear sometimes to talk to others because I'm afraid of being judged, but they rarely judge me.

Often the opposite happens, and they encourage you. A social life can be holding you back and have a bad influence on you, but it can also motivate you. It's more a matter of quality relationships. People don't feel lonely if they got enough quality relationships, but they can feel lonely even if they have lots of "friends". If you have relationships with good people, they won't judge you, they will encourage you. They even can offer help if you need some.

Focussing on yourself is important, and I felt great when I had very few social interactions and was improving myself daily. I forgot my loneliness. Sadly that didn't last forever. I became depressed, and it held me back for 8 weeks before I started to work on myself again. Then I tried to focus more on doing what I love and neglected other things like exercising. This kinda worked, but sometimes I didn't feel that great.

Now I exercise regularly again and joined this forum to do something against my loneliness. I only have to rarely deal with depression, and that happens when I had no social interactions for a couple of days. There are some human needs you should take care of. Don't see socializing as a burden, see it more like exercising. It has its benefits, but also its downsides if you don't do it. It's proven that lonely people live on average shorter lives as others.

If people judged you in the past for improving yourself, you shouldn't try to become friends with them. Not everyone is a good friend and finding true friends takes a lot of effort, time and patience. I wouldn't judge you for improving yourself, and I want to encourage you to work on whatever you are currently working on.


See socializing as something that has its benefits, even if you don't feel them right now. I see it as self-improving to fix my loneliness. A good friend won't judge you, but finding them can take a lot of time, but I think it's worth it in the end. 

Good luck with finding friends here, but don't worry if you can't find one here. The world is big, there are many more places where you can find people, sometimes even with the same hobbies, personalities, and interests.
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#3
(04-20-2019, 03:01 AM)Dr_Pixel Wrote: Loneliness gives you a lot of free time. I'm working on improving myself too, and not being judged by others is great, but I think it doesn't matter. The point of self-improvement is to improve yourself for you and not mainly for others. I also feel that fearing to be judged of others, is something that happens more in your mind. I'm a shy person, so I fear sometimes to talk to others because I'm afraid of being judged, but they rarely judge me.

Often the opposite happens, and they encourage you. A social life can be holding you back and have a bad influence on you, but it can also motivate you. It's more a matter of quality relationships. People don't feel lonely if they got enough quality relationships, but they can feel lonely even if they have lots of "friends". If you have relationships with good people, they won't judge you, they will encourage you. They even can offer help if you need some.

Focussing on yourself is important, and I felt great when I had very few social interactions and was improving myself daily. I forgot my loneliness. Sadly that didn't last forever. I became depressed, and it held me back for 8 months before I started to work on myself again. Then I tried to focus more on doing what I love and neglected other things like exercising. This kinda worked, but sometimes I didn't feel that great.

Now I exercise regularly again and joined this forum to do something against my loneliness. I only have to rarely deal with depression, and that happens when I had no social interactions for a couple of days. There are some human needs you should take care of. Don't see socializing as a burden, see it more like exercising. It has its benefits, but also its downsides if you don't do it. It's proven that lonely people live on average shorter lives as others.

If people judged you in the past for improving yourself, you shouldn't try to become friends with them. Not everyone is a good friend and finding true friends takes a lot of effort, time and patience. I wouldn't judge you for improving yourself, and I want to encourage you to work on whatever you are currently working on.


See socializing as something that has its benefits, even if you don't feel them right now. I see it as self-improving to fix my loneliness. A good friend won't judge you, but finding them can take a lot of time, but I think it's worth it in the end. 

Good luck with finding friends here, but don't worry if you can't find one here. The world is big, there are many more places where you can find people, sometimes even with the same hobbies, personalities, and interests.

I'm perhaps a rare case in that I can truly say that I don't feel lonely even though I don't have interaction. Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that I felt judged all the time by my peers. No longer having that is like a huuuuuuuge release. So in a way I think I am kind of lucky because I don't require something that can be hard to obtain to be happy.

Also, I used to be deeply depressed at one point but managed to get out of it. After being in a dark place for such a long time, I feel I can truly never get anywhere near that place again. Right now, and this is partly due to the lack of social life, I'm really happy with where I am at and it's like a breath of fresh are with light at the end of the tunnel. I have complete freedom and a really positive outlook on life.

Socializing can certainly have it's benefits, as social animals it is healthy psychologically to have a vibrant social life. This is something though that can vary from person to person, some people deeply require it to be psychologically sound, others don't and they can cope with it just fine to the point it doesn't really affect their well-being.

Exercise is pretty good isn't it, I find it generally helps all around both for your physical and mental states.

hehe if you are saying good luck finding friends here to me, well, this is a new account but I lost my old one. I have been on this forum for somewhere around 10 years. Toungue
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#4
I haven't really felt lonely before, because I accepted my loneliness and ignored it. With joining this forum I had to admit to myself that I'm lonely, in order to work on it. I have felt like you before, but what ain't broken doesn't need to be fixed. I just wish I had cared more about it because it could have helped me when I felt down.

I can relate to being judged by your peers. I'm unlike most of my peers, and 15 btw. When I started to learn French they were wondering why I did that. We had to choose between Latin and French years ago, and I regret choosing Latin. I don't think this should be an excuse for not learning another language, because it can be awesome, and I got fluent in English, so I wanted to see how far I can get in another real language. Also when I sit in the lunch break and work on my laptop with my soundcard and headphones, I look very strange, but I don't want to waste the hour or do homework if I got some to do. Another thing where I feel kinda judged is the fact that I don't own a smartphone. I don't need one. Who should a lonely person call? Why should you leave your house, when you got a very good pc in your room? I like not having a smartphone, and be always distracted by social media. I'm only on YouTube, not any other social media.

But I ignore what they say. I'm not going to be not me, just because some kids say I'm not cool. If they don't like who I am, then we aren't going to be friends. A lot of them are still immature and think they have to belong to others. I'm happier if I can be who I want to be. I still have to work on becoming that person, and I still lack confidence especially when talking to people. I know that older people don't say I'm uncool, they think I'm more mature, and that's good if you know what you want to do when you are still so young. You shouldn't listen to everyone. Try to find people who know that it's stupid to judge other people, especially when they want to improve their self.

If you don't feel the need to socialize you don't have to do it. Just don't underestimate how powerful a good friend can be.

Yeah, exercise can actually make fun. I never understood the power of it until I had not enough time left for a 30min 3km walk, so I ran only 20 min but as fast as I could. I never sweat so much before, and when you really exercise you need to take a shower after it and it felt awesome. After that, I always ran faster than before, got sweaty, and had to take a shower after it. Did you know that exercising can be as effective as antidepressants when dealing with minor depression? It does a lot of good chemical stuff in your brain, and the mental benefits are also nice.

I know you had an old account before. but I didn't know you were on here for over 10 years. I don't want to be here in 10 years, but this is a place where people know what it feels to be lonely, and you can really talk with somebody about not generic things. If I find better places, where I could find more friends I would go there, but for now, I haven't found a good place. But you are still on here so you probably try to make friends or at least to satisfy your social need. I don't think you are here and write posts because you don't need any social interactions.

Oh, I did a mistake I wrote 8 months instead of 8 weeks. 8 months would have been a very long time, and it all started less than 8 months ago.
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#5
(04-20-2019, 04:31 AM)Dr_Pixel Wrote: I haven't really felt lonely before, because I accepted my loneliness and ignored it. With joining this forum I had to admit to myself that I'm lonely, in order to work on it. I have felt like you before, but what ain't broken doesn't need to be fixed. I just wish I had cared more about it because it could have helped me when I felt down.

I can relate to being judged by your peers. I'm unlike most of my peers, and 15 btw. When I started to learn French they were wondering why I did that. We had to choose between Latin and French years ago, and I regret choosing Latin. I don't think this should be an excuse for not learning another language, because it can be awesome, and I got fluent in English, so I wanted to see how far I can get in another real language. Also when I sit in the lunch break and work on my laptop with my soundcard and headphones, I look very strange, but I don't want to waste the hour or do homework if I got some to do. Another thing where I feel kinda judged is the fact that I don't own a smartphone. I don't need one. Who should a lonely person call? Why should you leave your house, when you got a very good pc in your room? I like not having a smartphone, and be always distracted by social media. I'm only on YouTube, not any other social media.

But I ignore what they say. I'm not going to be not me, just because some kids say I'm not cool. If they don't like who I am, then we aren't going to be friends. A lot of them are still immature and think they have to belong to others. I'm happier if I can be who I want to be. I still have to work on becoming that person, and I still lack confidence especially when talking to people. I know that older people don't say I'm uncool, they think I'm more mature, and that's good if you know what you want to do when you are still so young. You shouldn't listen to everyone. Try to find people who know that it's stupid to judge other people, especially when they want to improve their self.

If you don't feel the need to socialize you don't have to do it. Just don't underestimate how powerful a good friend can be.

Yeah, exercise can actually make fun. I never understood the power of it until I had not enough time left for a 30min 3km walk, so I ran only 20 min but as fast as I could. I never sweat so much before, and when you really exercise you need to take a shower after it and it felt awesome. After that, I always ran faster than before, got sweaty, and had to take a shower after it. Did you know that exercising can be as effective as antidepressants when dealing with minor depression? It does a lot of good chemical stuff in your brain, and the mental benefits are also nice.

I know you had an old account before. but I didn't know you were on here for over 10 years. I don't want to be here in 10 years, but this is a place where people know what it feels to be lonely, and you can really talk with somebody about not generic things. If I find better places, where I could find more friends I would go there, but for now, I haven't found a good place. But you are still on here so you probably try to make friends or at least to satisfy your social need. I don't think you are here and write posts because you don't need any social interactions.

Oh, I did a mistake I wrote 8 months instead of 8 weeks. 8 months would have been a very long time, and it all started less than 8 months ago.

In my personal opinion you are on the right track because your path will result in a much better chance to be independent, likely successful and quite possibly happier for it. Ignore the people who are judgmental and negative, they are usually insecure and weak individuals anyway.

My path was one of anxiety and depression where I no longer cared for myself at all or my path in life. I cared for everyone else, always seeking to help and appease their well being selflessly, and never my own. It had dire consequences that have taken a very long time to fix and I am still not out of the woods just yet, but I see the clearing.

I have gone and come back to here a few times though I just returned not due to loneliness reasons. It just came to mind when thinking about relationship based issues which is a subject that has always intrigued me for some reason.
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#6
People will judge you regardless.  It's part of life.  The real trick to self improvement and moving on to a happier life is to not let those judgements impact you.  
Who cares what they say/think...do you know you well enough to form an honest opinion?  Usually not, so why does it matter what they think?
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM 
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#7
Dr Pixel, i agree with part of what you have said. Yes being on your own gives you time to focus on hobbies, interests and yourself. On saturday i went out and photographed the apple orchards in London (not all of them LOL). However it seems to me that you enjoy your solitude and don't really miss friends.

For me although i like my space and peace and quiet. I yearn for friends and a social life. I notice that my mood rises when i am with people and when i go through a period of socialising i feel better.

Different strokes for different folks i guess. I wish you well and congrats on improving yourself.
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#8
(04-20-2019, 01:08 AM)I have just bin in a relationship for 2half years and now he has finished with me. And I tried to get back in touch with my old. mates but that don\t want to no. And I'm not close to my family. I don't see them at all. I don't work. I'm 46 this year with no kids. So alone. Wrote: his post is about feeling lonely when you have no social life or relationship. Just a bit about my personal experience.



I have always been an outcast, having social problems in the past. My life took a twist before fixing myself which resulted in losing all friends that I had, I'm not actually super unpopular, but I just have no friends to be with in person.

At first it felt pretty lonely, but after a while, I started involving myself in various subjects that I like to engage with and learn about. Now I have all sorts to work on and have ambition because I set myself many goals for the future, things to be productive with. It's funny because I thought it would be a negative at first losing all my friends and having no one to socialize with, but for me, I have found a lack of social life actually incredibly liberating. This isn't to say I'm against having either a social life or relationship in the future, but I found positives to not having any friends or relationship. It means you can do what you want, look how you want, go where you want, and have absolutely zero fear of judgement from anyone or anything. You can reinvent yourself in any way you wish, any way you feel you would like.

While "loneliness" sucks if you are feeling that way, there are ways to negate the feeling. If you are lonely due to no social life, no relationship, no family, perhaps try and focus on some of the positives and find a bunch of things you enjoy and engage with them. Maybe you have things you want to improve upon about yourself... With no-one looking over your shoulder or judging from afar, you can have no fear to improve on these things, whether perhaps that's changing your looks, your style, your hobbies... Improve your life for the better, You have complete freedom to do whatever you want, become a strong person with no one to stop you or judge you.
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#9
(04-20-2019, 01:08 AM)Quietude Wrote: This post is about feeling lonely when you have no social life or relationship. Just a bit about my personal experience.



I have always been an outcast, having social problems in the past. My life took a twist before fixing myself which resulted in losing all friends that I had, I'm not actually super unpopular, but I just have no friends to be with in person.

At first it felt pretty lonely, but after a while, I started involving myself in various subjects that I like to engage with and learn about. Now I have all sorts to work on and have ambition because I set myself many goals for the future, things to be productive with. It's funny because I thought it would be a negative at first losing all my friends and having no one to socialize with, but for me, I have found a lack of social life actually incredibly liberating. This isn't to say I'm against having either a social life or relationship in the future, but I found positives to not having any friends or relationship. It means you can do what you want, look how you want, go where you want, and have absolutely zero fear of judgement from anyone or anything. You can reinvent yourself in any way you wish, any way you feel you would like.

While "loneliness" sucks if you are feeling that way, there are ways to negate the feeling. If you are lonely due to no social life, no relationship, no family, perhaps try and focus on some of the positives and find a bunch of things you enjoy and engage with them. Maybe you have things you want to improve upon about yourself... With no-one looking over your shoulder or judging from afar, you can have no fear to improve on these things, whether perhaps that's changing your looks, your style, your hobbies... Improve your life for the better, You have complete freedom to do whatever you want, become a strong person with no one to stop you or judge you.

Hey there! Seems like we're both in the same boat. I was also always an outcast in life, ever since I started attending elementary school. I've only got one person in my life that I can consider a friend at work, but other than that though, I have nobody else I can consider a friend. It's pretty difficult to find people who are truly interested in being friends with you, but even more difficult finding people who can be transparent with you i.e not fake, especially as you get older. Also, a lot of people seem to get the concept of friends, and acquaintances mixed up, so they think they have friends, but they can't count on those so called 'friends', and they only know them on a surface level. Just like you I'm also focusing more on my hobbies, and passions in life (my writing, and drawing).

I'd say what you're doing so far is really good. Focusing on learning subjects that interest you, and improving yourself is a great use of your time. And it's true what you said: it DOES feel liberating when your social life is dead since you have a LOT of free time to focus on your goals, and interests. Unfortunately, though, we need to have supportive people in our lives since humans are social creatures, but finding the right people is hard. I've been to painting and writing workshops, and still haven't met anyone who's interested in establishing some kind of connection, which made me realize that true friends come when they're supposed to come.

I think the most liberating thing is when you learn to be content with your own company, because then your happiness doesn't depend on whether or not you have other people around you constantly, or what others think of you.
Want some tips on improving yourself or overcoming low-self esteem? Check out my blog!  Smile

https://authenticyou93.blogspot.com/
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#10
(04-20-2019, 01:08 AM)Quietude Wrote: This post is about feeling lonely when you have no social life or relationship. Just a bit about my personal experience.



I have always been an outcast, having social problems in the past. My life took a twist before fixing myself which resulted in losing all friends that I had, I'm not actually super unpopular, but I just have no friends to be with in person.

At first it felt pretty lonely, but after a while, I started involving myself in various subjects that I like to engage with and learn about. Now I have all sorts to work on and have ambition because I set myself many goals for the future, things to be productive with. It's funny because I thought it would be a negative at first losing all my friends and having no one to socialize with, but for me, I have found a lack of social life actually incredibly liberating. This isn't to say I'm against having either a social life or relationship in the future, but I found positives to not having any friends or relationship. It means you can do what you want, look how you want, go where you want, and have absolutely zero fear of judgement from anyone or anything. You can reinvent yourself in any way you wish, any way you feel you would like.

While "loneliness" sucks if you are feeling that way, there are ways to negate the feeling. If you are lonely due to no social life, no relationship, no family, perhaps try and focus on some of the positives and find a bunch of things you enjoy and engage with them. Maybe you have things you want to improve upon about yourself... With no-one looking over your shoulder or judging from afar, you can have no fear to improve on these things, whether perhaps that's changing your looks, your style, your hobbies... Improve your life for the better, You have complete freedom to do whatever you want, become a strong person with no one to stop you or judge you.

I am in a sort of similar situation as you. I don't have any friends or family that care and am incredibly lonely. I've tried to reach out to people only to be ignored. I've tried to do good things and be nice to people but they think I'm being fake (I'm not). I can go for weeks/months without speaking to anyone outside work. As for work, ha ,what a joke. Honestly think my colleagues would love to see me drop dead (I tried to take an overdose recently due to the attitudes of certain colleagues towards me). I'm at the point if no return .currently sitting in the dark drinking alcohol watching TV. Nobody cares, so you know what,j don't either
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