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Been feeling a bit down lately.
Just starting to feel less inclined to join in on things, the shows I watch don't really entertain me as much anymore and video games are all turning into mobile game style micro transaction turd fests, so those are annoying just by their own nature. 

Don't really have any motivation to try and get into a relationship, don't really trust women in general but that's on me. I do have a bit of paranoia that they're out to get me, for one reason or another but it's unrelated to any relationship, it just makes it hard for me to trust anyone which makes it hard to even entertain the idea of starting a relationship. It's harder when if a woman is flirting with me, they start acting shady about certain shit like their past, then I definitely shut them down as well. I get that it may be shit they aren't proud of and that's probably all it is, but they have their quirks and I have mine. 

Firm believer in that if you feel strongly for someone/something you should go "entertain yourself" before making any decisions, and haven't felt anything real for anyone in a long time either. Don't really even get horny anymore, so I don't even have to really bother looking up porn to get rid of that desire, I just don't have that desire.

About the only time I'm close to happy is when I'm at work talking shit with my co workers, but they're not always into my humor or my jokes which is fair.

I don't draw anymore, it just caused me a ton of back and neck pain over the years so now if I do try it just frustrates me and causes me pain.

People allude to me being a bad person in one way or another, but I haven't done anything to anyone so that kind've just sucks. 

I go behind people at work and clean up after them and I wouldn't, but if I don't I'm usually the one that gets blamed anyways, and bosses don't give a damn about excuses or he said she said. So that sucks. If I tell the other employee to do it themselves they'll just say "If you don't like how I do it, you do it yourself." So I end up doing that. 

I'm a supporter of legalizing marijuana and cannabis in general for adult use, and I try to stay up to date on things despite not smoking it myself. So seeing people try to legalize mushrooms and stuff in these stats where weed is legal just makes me feel like my home state is inferior as they struggle to even come to terms with some form of medical legalization. There are plenty of folk who still don't agree with same sex marriages where I live, so it doesn't surprise me but it is saddening. Not to compare wanting the freedom to imbibe a drug to the right to love someone, but to say that people here have trouble maturing in a cultural way with the rest of the nation. I don't have the money to even go visit somewhere that it's legal to see what it's like and make an informed opinion about it all. That kind've saddens me to feel very strongly about something but not have any way to support it feasibly. It's extremely hard to have any pride for my home when I agree with almost none of their deeply held values.

It's just a down point in my life at the moment, and i'm just ranting to get it off my chest and out of my head. I'm sure if I just keep being me and doing my best it'll turn around eventually. Happy and proud of myself that I don't feel anywhere near as empty as I used to, but still not completely put together.
I want to write something supportive, but I suck at this kind of stuff... So I'll just say, I'm sorry that you're having a rough time right now. I understand what that feels like and I hope it gets better for you soon.
(04-20-2019, 04:21 AM)kaetic Wrote: I want to write something supportive, but I suck at this kind of stuff... So I'll just say, I'm sorry that you're having a rough time right now. I understand what that feels like and I hope it gets better for you soon.

I'll be fine. Just wanted to get it off my chest. I've felt like I've had to keep a lot of stuff in lately. People are extremely judgmental these days. One of my friends rarely says anything other than "Damn dude, that's dark." When I try to open up, so I just quit trying lol.
I don't enjoy playing video games too, which is interesting if you would describe yourself as a game developer.

I have depression myself, but things are going really good right now. I feel if I can get a decent social life I don't have to worry about it anymore. I already exercise and eat healthily or at least don't eat something with a lot of sugar in it. I have felt rarely depressive lately, and that only when I didn't have social interactions for a couple of days.

Back to video games. I don't enjoy them, because I see them more like a waste of time. I remember when I started to get depressive, I only played video games and binge-watched YouTube. Since that playing video games doesn't make as much fun as it did before. I still watch sometimes too much YouTube all day. 

I guess what motivates me to do something else than these things is to do something I want to do, like making video games or videos. Being passionate about something can make you forget everything else when you are focussed on it. Sadly painting gives you pain, you could try to find a way how you can paint with less pain, or do more sport. You are still young, so you could fix that. You also could try to find other hobbies. You don't know if you enjoy them unless you try it.

My advice would be: Socialize, exercise, eat healthily, do your hobbies, and seek help if you can't handle it on your own. I didn't seek professional help and I wouldn't recommend to not do it, but luckily I got almost over it on my own.
Glad to hear you're doing good my dude.
Thanks, but I thought I missed a bit what your Thread is about. The numb feeling of emptiness. That's really hard to overcome.

I would recommend doing or thinking of something that makes you emotional. Feeling something is always better than nothing. What worked best for me is to cry out of this state. Something that makes you really sad, that could even be the void inside you or something that makes you so happy that you cry because of it. The latter is possible and I didn't think it was possible for me, but it helped me a lot to get out of this feeling. Something like anger can work too, but it's not the best motivation and you have to calm yourself down after it before you do anything stupid.

But I think in general, exercising, eating less sugar or avoid substances that can make you addictive and things like socializing, sleeping better, meditating... can make you feel better, by regulating the chemicals in your brain better, which makes it less likely to get this feeling in the first place. You also could seek professional help and get antidepressants, if you want to.

I can recommend you this 6-minute long heartwarming story, which always made me feel emotional.

But what always makes me feel a little bit better, is some social interaction like receiving new replies to your thread, so I'm happy if I could make you feel a little bit better.
Don't feel down
It sounds like you need to forget about girls for a while and just concentrate on yourself. Find some new hobbies, find some new people to hang out with, find something you can feel passionate about again.
I get that way sometimes, but thankfully, it doesn't last long anymore and when I do feel that way, I force myself to do shit I don't really feel like doing to make sure it doesn't get worse.
You'll come out of it, just give yourself some time and figure out what you really want.
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(04-20-2019, 03:49 AM)Naizo Wrote: Just starting to feel less inclined to join in on things, the shows I watch don't really entertain me as much anymore and video games are all turning into mobile game style micro transaction turd fests

Games  are generally a soulless waste of time now and and I  find myself getting bored half way through yet another so so sci fi series people recommend, that's not a patch on anything I used to enjoy.   Reading for some reason still seems to distract me. Maybe you could force yourself to read some important works of literature or philosophy, it might at least provide some minor sense of achievement.

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