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ITellYouHhwut

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Okay, so I’m one of those guys who can’t get women. I basically have no chances with women unless an absolute miracle happens and I get lucky with the right situation. Too many problems intersecting with me that cause my chances of getting a woman extreeeeemely low. 

But over the past couple months I’ve been talking to this girl who works in this sandwich shop that I frequent.

Long story short, I mustered up the courage to ask her out two days ago, and surprisingly she said yes she would like to go out sometime. I asked for her number, and she gave it to me.

I was very proud of myself for at least stepping up to the plate for once in my life. I was thinking I had finally caught a lucky break in life, and was hoping this would work out, because I know that it would take another eternity and miracle for me to “get lucky” again and find a girl of this quality that isn’t either taken or uninterested.

So now for the bad ending to this story that I knew from the outset was inevitable. I waited until two days after initially asking her out before I sent her a message. Last night at about 6 o’clock I sent her a text asking her out to a local fair next week. It’s now 2:47pm the next day and she still has not replied. I think it’s safe to say now that she’s blowing me off.

I don’t plan to send her any more messages. If she doesn’t respond to that one, that’s it. I’m not contacting her again.

Do you think that’s the right route to take? I mean it sucks, because most of you will be speaking from a perspective of “well, if she’s blowing you off, then forget her. There’s other fish out there.” But for me, there aren’t other fish. I have to do my best to harness the extremely rare opportunities I get. I would even venture to say that this could very well be the only opportunity I ever get in my life. But again, I’m not going to continue to message her and beg like a loser. Should I just forget it, say sorry I ever ever thought it was possible for me, and just go back to my life?
 
Don't abandon people if they don't reply to a message you sent them. That happens very often and causes many relationships to fall apart. Sometimes you just need to breathe new life in a conversation.

This is a bit of a different situation though, she might not be interested in you, but why did she give you her number in the first place. Maybe she doesn't feel ready to meet you in person yet. You could try to start a little text message conversation to get to know each other better. But I think it's more likely that she didn't check her phone yet. Not everyone is checking it all the time, and your message is less than a day old. Give her more time, or do you know that she read it?

Don't be afraid to send her another message, but make it different in case she doesn't like to go to that local fair. Ask something about her, tell her something about you and tell her something that happened to you.

My romantic advice is probably not the best due to my age, so take it with a grain of salt. But what I know is that you have to put the effort in to maintain relationships. If anyone doesn't reply to a message of you they simply might not know what to say, then write them another message, which they should be able to reply to.

If she still doesn't reply to you then you are lucky that you can meet her in person. When somebody isn't online for days you can't contact them but if you can meet them in person you always can talk to them.

Just have a bit more patience and don't be afraid to message her again. What do you have to lose? If you don't try it you only can lose.

(Edit)You make a disinterested impression if you wait 2 days and then write to her "Hey, let's meet at a local fair". "Someone like you has probably something better to do so you only got some time now to say hello to me". I think there is a discrepancy between what you feel for her and what you show her. If you are really that interested in her you should show it to her. I know you just want to be careful, but she doesn't know that. Think about how you can show her that you really love her.
 
I think it's a little early to assume she's blowing you off. Maybe she just didn't see the text?
 
kaetic said:
I think it's a little early to assume she's blowing you off. Maybe she just didn't see the text?

What is this 2007? What are we using motorla flip phones here? Of course she’s seen the text. She’s just blowing me off. Pure and simple. Why was I deluded enough to believe any girl would want to go with me?
 
ITellYouHhwut said:
kaetic said:
I think it's a little early to assume she's blowing you off. Maybe she just didn't see the text?

What is this 2007? What are we using motorla flip phones here? Of course she’s seen the text. She’s just blowing me off. Pure and simple. Why was I deluded enough to believe any girl would want to go with me?

It hasn't even been a full day yet.  There are quite a few times I wasn't able to text back for a while.  Sometimes I even forget my phone at home so I don't have messages.  It doesn't matter what year it is, sometimes it just takes a bit to get back to someone. 

So no, I don't think you should write her off yet either.  Wait, no one can have patience or understanding or give someone the benefit of the doubt in 2019?


I say, go get yourself a sandwich and see how she reacts to you.
 
Its not a miracle a girl said yes, its just that it happened for you because you engaged the situation. Good job, dude. Now overcome the hurdle of texting too much to early that I always fall into and you're doin even better.
 
I bet you all $100 each she’s blowing me off. If she texts me back I’ll paypal each of you your money.
 
Welp, it’s 4 days later. She still has not replied. Sent her a text this morning that said I was checking to see if the number was correct, and to let me know something. I think it’s pretty much a sunken ship by this point. It’s my fault anyway for believing the absurd notion that a girl could like me or want to go with me. My mistake for trying to ask a girl out. I’ll never do it again.
 
Did you try any of the other ideas, or was everything riding on her replying to this text? Because you're right, maybe the number is wrong or maybe it's right and she was blowing you off... who the hell knows. But if the number is wrong and you're counting on a complete stranger to respond to your text... I don't reply if I don't know the number. I just delete it. Maybe you'll get lucky and some one will let you know though and you'll be excused from the limbo of waiting.

Callie's idea was pretty good. Go to the sandwich shop and check out her reaction to seeing you. That split second before she plasters on a customer service smile, should tell you if she's been avoiding you or not. If you sent more than a couple texts... I could understand the hesitation? Is there more to know about?
 
Facebook's 'seen' feature would have removed all doubt, but of course this is a stranger. Don't send any more messages. Callie's idea probably. Just try to look like you're there to get a sandwhich instead of stalking her.
 
Yeah, I'd say you've run into a wall here. Best to give this one up. I'd go further and just avoid the sandwich shop altogether at this point. It's just gonna be awkward for both of you. If there's a lesson to be learnt here, it's that you should always play the grey man when out in public. Don't initiate small talk. Order your food, get said food, and leave. If there are multiple cafe's around your area, maybe try alternating between a few of them? Hopefully if no one's able to see you as a 'regular', you can avoid this scenario from happening in the future.
 
Red_Wedding_Casualty said:
Yeah, I'd say you've run into a wall here. Best to give this one up. I'd go further and just avoid the sandwich shop altogether at this point. It's just gonna be awkward for both of you. If there's a lesson to be learnt here, it's that you should always play the grey man when out in public. Don't initiate small talk. Order your food, get said food, and leave. If there are multiple cafe's around your area, maybe try alternating between a few of them? Hopefully if no one's able to see you as a 'regular', you can avoid this scenario from happening in the future.

He hasn't done anything wrong yet. It could be awkward but so what. At least it will remove any knawing what-ifs.
 
ardour said:
This advice would be a bit too indicative of a crab in a bucket mentality. He hasn't done anything wrong yet. It could be awkward but so what. There's nothing wrong with assessing a reaction. At least it will remove any knawing what-ifs.

I actually had to look up 'crab in a bucket' mentality.

...

Evidently, for the sake other's personal growth, I must take my leave.
 
I'm not saying this is the case here by any means but sometimes women will give a guy their number because they aren't sure how they will react to being told no. Again, not saying that is the case here but it is something that happens.
 
At least you aren't getting ghosted after dating someone six times like I was. Too many red flags with her anyways, untreated BPD included.

Good luck to you. Please don't give up.
 
She actually ended up replying not long after I posted that. Turns out, according to her, some pretty terrible stuff happened to a family member of hers, and she was preoccupied with that. I’m still not sure if she’s blowing me off or not, even if that is true (which I’m sure it is).
 
ITellYouHhwut said:
I bet you all $100 each she’s blowing me off. If she texts me back I’ll paypal each of you your money.

So about that money....

I'm kidding, but yeah, learn some patience.  Don't go straight to the worse case until you know for sure. Sometimes, honeysuckle really does happen.
 
TheRealCallie said:
So about that money....

I’m from the south. It’s no deal unless we shake hands! Haha


Anyways, I’m still kind of thinking she might not be interested in going out with me. I’ve never been able to draw the interest of women. Most other guys I run into seem to garner the interest of women fairly easily, and women seem eager to be with them, whereas women always seem to view me with reluctance and avoidance. It’s always been this way. I’ve never fully been able to diagnose the reason(s) why. It’s likely got to do with a confluence of many things about me, but I think it really just goes back evolution, genetics, and biological imperatives of women to select certain features in men. That’s really the only thing that explains it. I see other guys every day who have women wrapped around them left and right and they don’t seem to have to put much effort into it. I can say that after a while worrying about it kind of gets tiresome. The idea of it ever happening for you starts to become this distant dream that doesn’t even seem real anymore. You start to build resentment without even trying to or wanting to. It’s kind of like “what’s the point?” anymore.
 
ITellYouHhwut said:
but I think it really just goes back evolution, genetics, and biological imperatives of women to select certain features in men. That’s really the only thing that explains it.

There are dozens of other factors, for example a suffocating or highly reactive mother figure.
 
Younger women in particular are  good at reading insecurity. I'm sure you realize all this BTW but men with masculine conforming personalties tend not to get crushes or hung up on what individual women think of them.

I'd keep it to a short response, telling her you’re sorry about the family situation (in the most generic terms) while leaving the offer open. There's not much else you can do.
 
ardour said:
I'd keep it to a short response, telling her you’re sorry about the family situation (in the most generic terms) while leaving the offer open. There's not much else you do.

That is a very good idea.
 

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