I keep losing friends

I seem to make friends easily but I have trouble keeping them. Once again I keep trying to make plans with this girl that I hung out with for a bit but she never has time for me or says something like 'I'll let you know in a bit" Meaning I'm gonna see if I have something better to do first. I dont understand what I'm doing wrong, when I first meet people we seem to hit it off but after a while its like they loose interest. I've realized maybe I share too much too quickly or something I don't know what the problem is. How do I figure out if its me pushing people away?

I have the same situation as you.... and it makes me rather sad that everyone treats me like this. And the worse part, you don't know how to solve this problem. Well, I guess, life sucks that is the way it is.

I think its both a mix of you and them.

Some people I hung out with would sometimes expect me to perform or entertain them when all I wanted to do was relax and talk about bs. Never would see it coming too. I would eventually get so irritated with them that they eventually grew a bit of tension towards me since I like to speak my mind and hold no things back.

Every relationship has an expiry date. Don't get so hard on yourself.

-ghasp- an expiry date? D:
yeah i know what you mean, though sweetviki.
my "friends" used to love hanging out with me,
but then recently, they've stopped calling....or
picking up the phone (except for Erin cause she
doesn't have caller ID O-o but the conversations
with her are irritating, because she lets you know
she's bored and doesn't wish to talk with you). I
have actually considered that yes, i'm probably
sharing too much about myself and so then they
get bored of me quite easily.

Also, I'm one of those clingy people. TT__TT
I don't know why I'm so clingy. I guess it's just
that I've lost so many friends and lovers that...
I'm afraid of losing them now, and so I try and
hang out with them as much as possible. I guess
i just can't tell what is too much and what is too
little.

It is often the case that people get busy with their own lives and really don't have time for others. I lost touch with a lot of my friends when I finished high school and again when I graduated from University earlier this year; except that it's not as bad as the time I finished high school thanks to advances in social networking (e.g. facebook).

"I've realized maybe I share too much too quickly or something I don't know what the problem is. How do I figure out if its me pushing people away?"

Wow, Sweetviki, how do you know me so well?! ;-) And do you notice, as I do, that when I supress the urge to "share" and just let others talk/emote, they do it for hours, and there's no reciprocating? Or am I just starved for attention? It seems to get worse, not better, as people around me mature.

man i can tottaly relate man,

i've got more aquantances than i can count, but i can count the number of good friends i've had on one hand.

it seems that so many other people have tons of friends and aquatiances, that i am merely a spare- to so many people i am a backfriend. leave me in the dusty attic without a clue as to whats going on. Just in case it all doesn't work.

ghasp- an expiry date? D:
yeah i know what you mean, though sweetviki.
my "friends" used to love hanging out with me,
but then recently, they've stopped calling....or
picking up the phone (except for Erin cause she
doesn't have caller ID O-o but the conversations
with her are irritating, because she lets you know
she's bored and doesn't wish to talk with you). I
have actually considered that yes, i'm probably
sharing too much about myself and so then they
get bored of me quite easily.

Also, I'm one of those clingy people. TT__TT
I don't know why I'm so clingy. I guess it's just
that I've lost so many friends and lovers that...
I'm afraid of losing them now, and so I try and
hang out with them as much as possible. I guess
i just can't tell what is too much and what is too
little.

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i'm the same **** way, it ******* sucks.

how i let go of the only thing i have left

well as far friends go I only have 2 close ones and only see them once every 2-3 months because of our work schedules but when we do finally get to hang out its like we are so close that it seems like no time has passed since our last visit with one another and as far as being clingy I see nothing wrong with someone being clingy, I think most of us are to a certain degree some more than others and we should be, especially in romantic relationships(which is usually where my clinginess comes out at) I guess thats because to me what some see as clingy I see as loyalty. I think the problem most of us "clingy" people have is that the time and effort we are willing to put into any given relationship is not reciprocated for any number of reasons, atleast thats the problem I've always encountered being a clingy person but anywho I give all who admitted to being clingy kudos for even being honest and saying so because most people these days act like its some kind serious medical condition just because someone happens to want to be around them a little more than they are use to. So thanks for lettin me know I'm not alone.

Sry in advance because I am going to get a bit theoretical.

Many people I know who became close friends left because:
High Expectation

You do not expect anything from a stranger or much from an acquaintance. BUT when you get closer to a friend,your expectation of him increases.

Expectations are not met = Relationship become strained
"I expect him not to talk with me.He is my close friend anyway."

Wow i totally feel you. I have no female friends. We just don't "click" the way I see other girls getting along. I have experienced the same thing as you, maybe hanging out for a bit or a fake "lets exchange numbers" "lets chill sometime" and nothing ever comes of it. I'm a really cool person, I have a good heart and I'm not judgmental.. I don't get it. I am a pretty girl and I've had trouble making friends cause sometimes they're just really jealous and catty, but I know not EVERY female in the world can be like that, right? Ugh I feel like I'm never going to have friends in my whole life. I feel like I'm going to have no bridesmaids for my wedding and that depresses me.

sweetviki said:

I seem to make friends easily but I have trouble keeping them. Once again I keep trying to make plans with this girl that I hung out with for a bit but she never has time for me or says something like 'I'll let you know in a bit" Meaning I'm gonna see if I have something better to do first. I dont understand what I'm doing wrong, when I first meet people we seem to hit it off but after a while its like they loose interest. I've realized maybe I share too much too quickly or something I don't know what the problem is. How do I figure out if its me pushing people away?

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evanescencefan91 said:

i've got more aquantances than i can count, but i can count the number of good friends i've had on one hand.

it seems that so many other people have tons of friends and aquatiances, that i am merely a spare- to so many people i am a backfriend. leave me in the dusty attic without a clue as to whats going on. Just in case it all doesn't work.

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I am glad to see I am not the only one who is sometimes left feeling this way.

It seems the only time people call me recently .. is if they need something or they can't find anyone else to go out with.

I sometimes feel I'm the one that has to call them, or e-mailing/PM them to keep in touch, like I'm never on their mind unless they need something.

It's definately not a good feeling, and I often wonder do people really not realize they do it .. or do they really just not care that they do and are doing it on purpose.

It really has made me want to not help anyone lately; because I know they really don't appreciate it, but in fact .. kinda expect it.

Facade Level
Acquaintances
Friends
Close friends

In my opinion,acquaintances are normally the people who do not share our common interest.

For me,what seperates a friend and a close friend is the level of understanding and trust between each other.

everybody is so busy these days. they r always thinking if they have something better to do than hang out with u. it's like they rate it in thier mind...i'm pretty fed up with that myself. it's like, i want to be social...what's wrong with u because u don't seem to be interested? i think it's the other person for sure.

sweetviki said:

I seem to make friends easily but I have trouble keeping them. Once again I keep trying to make plans with this girl that I hung out with for a bit but she never has time for me or says something like 'I'll let you know in a bit" Meaning I'm gonna see if I have something better to do first. I dont understand what I'm doing wrong, when I first meet people we seem to hit it off but after a while its like they loose interest. I've realized maybe I share too much too quickly or something I don't know what the problem is. How do I figure out if its me pushing people away?

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I have a new friend. I met her on new year's eve and we hung out together. I have been avoiding her like the plague ever since. First of all, she told me her entire life story. Then she told me that she is depressed because she has no friends and because of this, she cries a lot. The killer for me was, on new year's day, she started calling me every day and dropping by my place. To me, she is overbearing. I do not like to be alone, but, at the same time I do not want to be smothered to death.

sweetviki said:

I seem to make friends easily but I have trouble keeping them.

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Exactly my life. (See 'I have 4 kinds of friends' thread.) Sorry to drag out this old thread which appeared related to mine at the bottom of the page.

If you've come up with solutions, please share.
olg

Don't think of it as pushing away, look at is as filtering. You filter out the folks who aren't worth it, they weed themselves out of your existence and because of that technically you're better off. Think about it, you could have potentially wasted a lot more time and energy with someone who was going to behave in such a manner anyway. Thank the cosmos you dodged the bullet.

Unacceptance said:

Don't think of it as pushing away, look at is as filtering. You filter out the folks who aren't worth it, they weed themselves out of your existence and because of that technically you're better off.

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I agree. And I do it constantly. It's necessary.
The sad part is, it always puts me back me back to square zero - a complete restart.
It's totally exhausting.

Hey, I'm new to this site.... as in just today.

I have the same problems many of you have. I'm shy and probably more self-conscious than necessary. But I find sometimes that other people are just shallow or "fake" and it's really annoying.

Anyway, hope to learn from this site. Thanks

Unacceptance said:

Don't think of it as pushing away, look at is as filtering. You filter out the folks who aren't worth it, they weed themselves out of your existence and because of that technically you're better off. Think about it, you could have potentially wasted a lot more time and energy with someone who was going to behave in such a manner anyway. Thank the cosmos you dodged the bullet.

Click to expand...

That's a very good way to look at it.

There are just certain people, in my opinion, that are only supposed to be in your life at a certain point, and then leave. Like, the friends you make in high school: probably half of them (at least the aquaintances/light friends) only worked out then, and since then it's not the same because time moves on, and people change, as it's a way of life. Some people will always have a special bond with you and will stay in your life forever; it just depends on the person.

I'm starting to realize right now actually, about a friend of mine, who...I'd *really* like for things to be like they were and for us to be closer (she moved 3-4 years ago) but...that's just it; we're both not the exact same people. So sometimes, it's a necessity to let some people go, whether you have to leave them, or if they take themselves out of the picture.

Well, it has happened to me so many times. People who come in and step out of my life without saying a word. I expected this to happen with acuqintances or people that I know just on the internet but lately it happened with a close friend of mine.
I don't even want to recover this friendship, actually I don't give a **** about it, but it sometimes hurts.