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How do I hide my loneliness?
#1
How do people know I am a Loner????
People can sense it. It makes me feel like im a social outcast. Everyone I talk to makes fun of me saying I have no friends. But I feel like they have some pity for me. I am in a group chat in college, they are the only people I talk to. They always joking insult me by acknowledging my loneliness. A quote from my classmate, “I’m kind of insulting you btw”, I have nothing to talk about because I’m naive. So they quote “Is that why you don’t have friends?” It makes me so uncomfortable how they can  be two faced. They are nice to you for a second and the next day they talk behind your back and confront your loneliness.
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#2
There are two kinds of people in the world. There are over 7 billion who are the wrong kind. Your chances of being around the right kind are slim. Some of those who are the wrong kind do what they can to keep you away from the right kind. This keeps you surrounded by the wrong kind. This dynamic is common and worldwide. The source for the help you need to overcome this worldwide system is scarce and hard to find. I have found this type of help.

AlertChristians
Bradley Dean Sanderson
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#3
Hmm. Well, first off, your "friends" don't sound too friendly to me. I don't get why someone even feels the need to say something like that to you. Next time they say something like that, I'd tell them to cut it out. If they are true friends, they will respect that you don't like it when they say those things. But if they continue, then I'd say they aren't very good friends. If it comes down to that, I'd gradually cut them off. No point in making time for people who are just going to make fun of you.

I can relate on the whole loner thing too, somewhat. Not currently, but I was a loner growing up, at least among people my age. I had family at home so that was nice, but in school I had a hard time making friends because there weren't too many people with my interests or a friendly personality (lots of cold people), and I didn't have a lot of strength or money so I couldn't be "cool". It took a while for me to make friends because, like you, I was naive and didn't get a lot of cultural references. I just wasn't into that stuff. And I wasn't into being "bad" either, so that meant I wasn't going to be popular. Eventually I did meet people with common interests and people I could get along with, though. I met one friend in band, who introduced me to other friends, and so on and so forth. And I met another friend doing a sport in high school and met friends through him as well.

I noticed on your other threads you said you were nice and loyal and all that, but also struggled with finding things to say. I'm kind of in the same boat. I haven't pursued any interests for a while due to some problems, and I think it's causing me to not have too much to say. I think being nice and loyal and trustworthy and all that is a good thing, and great that you are that way, but I feel like for people to really want to get to know you, they need a little more. Something a little more thrilling. You don't want to be a person that's just "there", I feel like you want to be a specific type of person, like an artist, a rocker, an athlete, car guy, etc. Even being a video game enthusiast would work, as long as it's some kind of person that's based on an interest or activity. I think that really helps you meet people with common interests, and you know you'll have something to talk about.

Another tip when you feel you don't have much to say - ask others about themselves. They'll usually be glad to tell you. Then you can ask them more questions if you want. I've used this before when I'm a little low on conversation pieces, myself.

What are your interests? That should help point the way.

PS - I'm no expert, I have problems too, but some of the things you said, I felt I could relate to, especially back in the school days. So I just thought I'd tell you how it went for me.
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#4
(04-29-2019, 03:29 PM)TheSkaFish Wrote: Hmm.  Well, first off, your "friends" don't sound too friendly to me.  I don't get why someone even feels the need to say something like that to you.  Next time they say something like that, I'd tell them to cut it out.  If they are true friends, they will respect that you don't like it when they say those things.  But if they continue, then I'd say they aren't very good friends.  If it comes down to that, I'd gradually cut them off.  No point in making time for people who are just going to make fun of you.

I can relate on the whole loner thing too, somewhat.  Not currently, but I was a loner growing up, at least among people my age.  I had family at home so that was nice, but in school I had a hard time making friends because there weren't too many people with my interests or a friendly personality (lots of cold people), and I didn't have a lot of strength or money so I couldn't be "cool".  It took a while for me to make friends because, like you, I was naive and didn't get a lot of cultural references.  I just wasn't into that stuff.  And I wasn't into being "bad" either, so that meant I wasn't going to be popular.  Eventually I did meet people with common interests and people I could get along with, though.  I met one friend in band, who introduced me to other friends, and so on and so forth.  And I met another friend doing a sport in high school and met friends through him as well.  

I noticed on your other threads you said you were nice and loyal and all that, but also struggled with finding things to say.  I'm kind of in the same boat.  I haven't pursued any interests for a while due to some problems, and I think it's causing me to not have too much to say.  I think being nice and loyal and trustworthy and all that is a good thing, and great that you are that way, but I feel like for people to really want to get to know you, they need a little more.  Something a little more thrilling.  You don't want to be a person that's just "there", I feel like you want to be a specific type of person, like an artist, a rocker, an athlete, car guy, etc.  Even being a video game enthusiast would work, as long as it's some kind of person that's based on an interest or activity.  I think that really helps you meet people with common interests, and you know you'll have something to talk about.

Another tip when you feel you don't have much to say - ask others about themselves.  They'll usually be glad to tell you.  Then you can ask them more questions if you want.  I've used this before when I'm a little low on conversation pieces, myself.

What are your interests?  That should help point the way.

PS - I'm no expert, I have problems too, but some of the things you said, I felt I could relate to, especially back in the school days.  So I just thought I'd tell you how it went for me.
I’m like you. In high school, I just focused on going to school and came home playing video games. I was really stupid back then. Now I’m a adult, just recently I wanted to make friends. It looks like I have a lot to learn. So every month I learn social skills from people and I change as a person. I want to continue to be nice, because that’s just me. For some reason I noticed at work, I like being used so my co workers tell me I have no self respect. They say if I did have self respect, I would make my own right decisions. But the thing is I’m naive. It’s always the naive part but if don’t have friends, I will never be experienced. 

Lately, people that bullied me made me exit their lives. I knew the longer I was with them, I will never make any progress. So I will literally cut people off and stop texting them. I want to be treated as a friend not a stone man. I noticed that you have to be useful to people be relevant. If that is so, I have no chance. I just one good true friend, if I can meet a loner with the same personality as me I will be happy. I feel like I’m one of a kind. The one that is smart, nice, handsome(mom told me that), honest, and obedient. 


“To succeed in life, you have to be kind and be useful to someone.” - Obama
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#5
(04-29-2019, 02:58 PM)advancedip Wrote: How do people know I am a Loner????
People can sense it. It makes me feel like im a social outcast. Everyone I talk to makes fun of me saying I have no friends. But I feel like they have some pity for me. I am in a group chat in college, they are the only people I talk to. They always joking insult me by acknowledging my loneliness. A quote from my classmate, “I’m kind of insulting you btw”, I have nothing to talk about because I’m naive. So they quote “Is that why you don’t have friends?” It makes me so uncomfortable how they can  be two faced. They are nice to you for a second and the next day they talk behind your back and confront your loneliness.

I have no friends, no group i hang out with, or any online social presence. Yet, after meeting me, people make the assumption that i am a well rounded person with no issues whatsoever. I dont make any direct attempt to hide my loneliness but i can give you some pointers if you care to listen.

I smile a lot during conversations, i engage people by mostly asking them a question about themselves to get them talking and i just listen, and i throw a joke or two in to make people feel more at ease with me.

I dont know what else i do subconsciously but this what i could think of off the top of my head.

Hope this helps. Keep your chin up bud.
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#6
You just mentioned you are in a chat group and currently in college. Stand up go meet the hundred in your college that's feeling that way too.

I will share with you my own experience......  I am an orphan and at 18 yo I 'graduated' from the home with a high school's certificate and off to a job (apperentice air conditioning technician). I have not spoken to any lady and my face will blush when a girl/lady speaks with me. 

After 1 year, I borrowed some money from my company to enroll on a part time diploma course (computing). Best time of my life. I stayed in the office (store room) as I have no money for room rental. I got to study lots (books from library). Time passes so quickly and after I got my diploma (distinction and gold ribbon) I showed my boss and thanked him for the loan. He said "My pleasure. I think you should try to get a job in NY with your qualification."

Within that month, I got a few calls for interviews in NY. I applied leave and took a bus ride to NY. I kept telling myself not to blush (or shy) as they need me. Talk to them as friends. It worked...... I was very comfortable in the interview..... chit  chatting with interviewers like friends. Both companies offered me the job. I worked for the one with International branches.

So where was I ? Oh, just open up and chat ....
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#7
(04-29-2019, 02:58 PM)advancedip Wrote: How do people know I am a Loner????
People can sense it. It makes me feel like im a social outcast. Everyone I talk to makes fun of me saying I have no friends. But I feel like they have some pity for me. I am in a group chat in college, they are the only people I talk to. They always joking insult me by acknowledging my loneliness. A quote from my classmate, “I’m kind of insulting you btw”, I have nothing to talk about because I’m naive. So they quote “Is that why you don’t have friends?” It makes me so uncomfortable how they can  be two faced. They are nice to you for a second and the next day they talk behind your back and confront your loneliness.

I know it's tempting to want to continue connections with people who treat you badly because you won't have anyone else if you get rid of them. Believe me, I've been there. A couple of years ago I had a so called 'best friend' who was pretty selfish, but despite how selfish he was I didn't want to eliminate him since I had no other friends, until one day I got fed up, and cut him off. Sometimes it's better to be alone than to be surrounded with toxic people like the ones you mentioned from your group chat. Think of it like this, the way they treat you already says something about them, and it also says something about how they treat others that they look down on. Stick around longer people like that, and your self-esteem will erode as time goes on.

I know it's difficult to see all these people around you seemingly enjoying an active social life. It makes you feel horrible about yourself, and it can cause you to feel envious too. Keep in mind, though, that a lot of what you see are nothing more than just superficial friendships. Basically, a lot of them only have people they can have small talk with, but not deep friendships whom they can share secrets with, and have deep conversations with. Maybe only one or two of their friends will truly be there for them when their life gets rough.

Having no social life doesn't have to be so bad either. You can use that free time as a 'getting to know yourself' phase, and develop interests, or talents that you have, and through those interests, talents you can meet new people. Not only that, but you will also gain respect too since people admire a person who has a passion for something.  Smile
Want some tips on improving yourself or overcoming low-self esteem? Check out my blog!  Smile

https://authenticyou93.blogspot.com/
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