~Am I pretty?
it's a weird thing to write about...but it's on my mind a lot lately. My womanhood is a feeling deep inside...but I think it too much to be healthy,..I over think. I feel so distraught I hate my body and I can't express myself. I keep thinking to myself over and over again "am I pretty?" now this isn't a literal question. I look into the mirror and see nothing of beauty. nothing of prettiness nothing of girlishness.
Ranma 1/2 is among my favorite anime,perhaps my favorite. it's about a boy who's body who changes to female...this is a mtf's dream but a boys nightmare. I think Ranma is a great representation of FtM as his girl form he thinks as a insult to his manhood and he seems to always be a boy no matter his body, the episodes he's stuck as female he's miserable...I guess it's nice to see a strange parallel to myself unfolding. even though the character I really related to was Ryouga.
in one episode "Am I pretty? Ranma's declaration of womanhood" Ranma hits his head and wakes up thinking he's female...and it's played mostly for laughs. but some of the things he says are so telling "I feel like I'm awake for the first time...I remember everything. but it's like it was someone else...not me" I think this brought some insight into the mind of a MtF. but what I really noticed was the way, for the first time in the show Ranma is at peace. and since he reverted back he really wasn't again since...this makes some fans speculate...is Ranma transgendered?
But silly Rants aside...am I pretty? no. I'm ugly. I'm insecure. and somtimes I hate myself. I'm not asking for pity. just getting the clearest picture I can. I always think...am I pretty? could I be pretty? do I deserve to be pretty? or am I a stupid boy with delusions of grandeur. what a fool to want to be a pretty girl! but thats not true at all...after all...isn't it natural for a girl to want to be attractive. for herself and for her love....
so I guess....I'm not pretty...beauty is only skin deep...but I want closure. I want to feel good about myself. I want to be me and I hope with all my heart I might be pretty some day...I'm a vain girl perhaps...
~KellyGirl~
it's a weird thing to write about...but it's on my mind a lot lately. My womanhood is a feeling deep inside...but I think it too much to be healthy,..I over think. I feel so distraught I hate my body and I can't express myself. I keep thinking to myself over and over again "am I pretty?" now this isn't a literal question. I look into the mirror and see nothing of beauty. nothing of prettiness nothing of girlishness.
Ranma 1/2 is among my favorite anime,perhaps my favorite. it's about a boy who's body who changes to female...this is a mtf's dream but a boys nightmare. I think Ranma is a great representation of FtM as his girl form he thinks as a insult to his manhood and he seems to always be a boy no matter his body, the episodes he's stuck as female he's miserable...I guess it's nice to see a strange parallel to myself unfolding. even though the character I really related to was Ryouga.
in one episode "Am I pretty? Ranma's declaration of womanhood" Ranma hits his head and wakes up thinking he's female...and it's played mostly for laughs. but some of the things he says are so telling "I feel like I'm awake for the first time...I remember everything. but it's like it was someone else...not me" I think this brought some insight into the mind of a MtF. but what I really noticed was the way, for the first time in the show Ranma is at peace. and since he reverted back he really wasn't again since...this makes some fans speculate...is Ranma transgendered?
But silly Rants aside...am I pretty? no. I'm ugly. I'm insecure. and somtimes I hate myself. I'm not asking for pity. just getting the clearest picture I can. I always think...am I pretty? could I be pretty? do I deserve to be pretty? or am I a stupid boy with delusions of grandeur. what a fool to want to be a pretty girl! but thats not true at all...after all...isn't it natural for a girl to want to be attractive. for herself and for her love....
so I guess....I'm not pretty...beauty is only skin deep...but I want closure. I want to feel good about myself. I want to be me and I hope with all my heart I might be pretty some day...I'm a vain girl perhaps...
~KellyGirl~