Am I pretty?

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KellyGirl

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~Am I pretty?

it's a weird thing to write about...but it's on my mind a lot lately. My womanhood is a feeling deep inside...but I think it too much to be healthy,..I over think. I feel so distraught I hate my body and I can't express myself. I keep thinking to myself over and over again "am I pretty?" now this isn't a literal question. I look into the mirror and see nothing of beauty. nothing of prettiness nothing of girlishness.

Ranma 1/2 is among my favorite anime,perhaps my favorite. it's about a boy who's body who changes to female...this is a mtf's dream but a boys nightmare. I think Ranma is a great representation of FtM as his girl form he thinks as a insult to his manhood and he seems to always be a boy no matter his body, the episodes he's stuck as female he's miserable...I guess it's nice to see a strange parallel to myself unfolding. even though the character I really related to was Ryouga.

in one episode "Am I pretty? Ranma's declaration of womanhood" Ranma hits his head and wakes up thinking he's female...and it's played mostly for laughs. but some of the things he says are so telling "I feel like I'm awake for the first time...I remember everything. but it's like it was someone else...not me" I think this brought some insight into the mind of a MtF. but what I really noticed was the way, for the first time in the show Ranma is at peace. and since he reverted back he really wasn't again since...this makes some fans speculate...is Ranma transgendered?

But silly Rants aside...am I pretty? no. I'm ugly. I'm insecure. and somtimes I hate myself. I'm not asking for pity. just getting the clearest picture I can. I always think...am I pretty? could I be pretty? do I deserve to be pretty? or am I a stupid boy with delusions of grandeur. what a fool to want to be a pretty girl! but thats not true at all...after all...isn't it natural for a girl to want to be attractive. for herself and for her love....

so I guess....I'm not pretty...beauty is only skin deep...but I want closure. I want to feel good about myself. I want to be me and I hope with all my heart I might be pretty some day...I'm a vain girl perhaps...

~KellyGirl~
 
i had to delete my post.

But love yourself for who you are. Whoever that is. It's hard to do sometimes but more than worth the try.
 
Hi there KellyGirl. I think in today's world its not surprising that we put so much pressure onto ourselves for the way we look. There is a few here that hate the way they look. The ones I have seen here I have to be honest I don't really understand why they would hate there looks as to me they look just fine. I think most of the time when we question our looks its moor to do with other insecurities that we have. Like a lack of confidence. I don't know much about anime. about the only anime I have seen was dragon ball-Z. Was good but I thought the episodes took far to long. Maybe the other stuff isn't like that IDK.

Anyway, Even I get down about my own body. I am starting to think in all honesty it dose not matter at all. I mean for me and most descant ppl out there they would rather go out with a normal looking person then some supper model that was a total *****. I mean when we grow old none of us well take our youthful looks with us. This is just a fact of life and for me I am looking for someone to spend the rest of my life together. Not just for the next 10 years so I can show of to my mates, Like you would with a new car. I would hope that who ever I settle down with I would be able to talk to still in 50 years about any old crap and still maybe fined what the other person has to say interesting. I think only when your so young like you are that looks are all important. Let me assure you that they become less important the older you get.
 
Hey KellyGirl,

I sometimes feel the same way too. The last year it has been sometimes, before that I felt it everyday...

I agree with Bluey, looks are just temporary, and its importance will fade as you grow older. Even though I am only 24 myself, and I look around and everyone is so focused on looking beautiful and stylish, it is hard not to feel a bit of an outcast. I'm not the type of girl that wears make-up everyday. I don't need to put on make-up when I go shopping or go to school. I go as I am. Allot of girls can't step outside their own front door, or maybe even not their bedroom door before looking "perfect". I've heard that these are the girls that really don't think they look pretty and put layers and layers of make-up to hide all their imperfections and highlight whatever that is in fashion at the moment, to look more like the rest of the "sheep"... sorry to say but I think they all have one person in mind and try to look like that person, usually a movie star:) like there was one year were everyone was trying to look like Anastasia, And then Victoria Beckham.
I'm not saying I don't wear make-up ever, I do, but mostly I don't.

I also wonder about why is it that girls have to wear make-up to be pretty and boys don't do anything? I mean, if girls find them attractive, just the way they are? Why wouldn't guys find girls attractive, just they way they are?

They say that the prettiest thing you can put on your face is a smile ;) when you genuinely laugh or smile, try to look in the mirror, you'll see that you look pretty.
 
Akira said:
I also wonder about why is it that girls have to wear make-up to be pretty and boys don't do anything? I mean, if girls find them attractive, just the way they are? Why wouldn't guys find girls attractive, just they way they are?

While I don't usually don clown makeup when mixing with society, I do put in effort to fix my appearance.

I think it's a quick generalization to say that girls find boys "attractive just the way they are". Keep in mind that just as a lot of women are trying to fit a particular image, there are just as many men trying to fit another image as well. The fact that it's not explicit as slapping some powder on one's nose doesn't mean that it's not there.

All that aside, part of putting effort into one's appearance is about self-esteem. It doesn't have to be an obsession with looking like a particular celebrity. It's about knowing that when one steps out the door, one looks good. That's what builds confidence and self-esteem-in other words, be accountable to yourself. Look good for yourself.

And that's my triumphant return onto the self-help scene.
 
Akira said:

They say that the prettiest thing you can put on your face is a smile ;) when you genuinely laugh or smile, try to look in the mirror, you'll see that you look pretty.



I think it's wonderful all that's been said and all the support I've been given but this isn't a normal insecurity. this isn't a normal girl saying that she hates the way she looks becuase of the pressures of modern scioty. I'm a tgirl. a MtF transsexual. in other words I'm a girl who was born and currently resides in a male body...you can only imagine what I see and think when I look in the mirror. still it's all great advice and I thank you ^_^
 
zraskolnikov said:
Akira said:
I also wonder about why is it that girls have to wear make-up to be pretty and boys don't do anything? I mean, if girls find them attractive, just the way they are? Why wouldn't guys find girls attractive, just they way they are?

I think it's a quick generalization to say that girls find boys "attractive just the way they are". Keep in mind that just as a lot of women are trying to fit a particular image, there are just as many men trying to fit another image as well. The fact that it's not explicit as slapping some powder on one's nose doesn't mean that it's not there.[/font]


Hmm... I haven't really given it that much though before. Maybe guys also do things like that :) Some guys do use quite some time in the bathroom to fix their hair like most girls do... so why not? I guess we all try to do something to be satisfied with our looks. ^_^
 
I agree Akira. I am not one of them guys that spend all there time in the bathroom but I know plenty of guys that are.

Also KellyGirl I think to be confused with your sexuality would be confusing enough but to be confused about what sex you are and if you really feel that you should had been given a boys body and your in a girls body then I can see how painful that could be. In fact I have a man over the road that is now living as a women. SHE is a very nice person and very much keeps her self to her self. She has had all the surgery done apart from the last bit that the NHS over here has for some reason refused to do for her. She has even takin it to the news and the BBC are round there regular. I admire her spirit and she is probably in a lot of pain but you know she always has a smile on her face to say hallo with. That's what I admire. If you really want this in your life you can do it. I also know of one other women that lives opposite my Nana and you would never know she used to be a man. In fact for her age she ent half bad looking ;)

It is a lot moor common then ppl think now days. Still I think you need to be strong and you well get through it. Yes ppl well talk. Me and the neighbors round here have talked about the women we know. But none have said anything bad. They all think she is brave even the ones that don't fully understand it. Goes to show that ppl can be a lot moor understanding then you think.
 
thanks for the kind words. but I'm a girl in a boys body not the other way around sorry if I confused you. ^_^ anyway thanks for the advice.
 
KellyGirl said:
thanks for the kind words. but I'm a girl in a boys body not the other way around sorry if I confused you. ^_^ anyway thanks for the advice.

That is the same as the 2 ppl I know then. But which aver way it is I would think not that important. The important thing is you was given the wrong body. Do you think you well ever have surgery?

See the way I see it is you can not be blamed for wanting a girls body just like a person can not help liking what ever sex they like. Who and what we are to a certain degree is a bit out of our control. sure we can control whether we do anything about those feelings but I don't think we can control the actual feelings them self.
 
Well yes o.o agreed. but just becuase it's out of my hands doesn't necessarily make it any easier to cope with
 
I dont agree with this.

I am sorry but ..to me... the only solution is to accept who you were born as.
It's the same as race to me.
If you were born black... you are black. You might hate your hair, and your lips, and your skin color and all that. But the best advice anyone can give you is to learn to love your skin.

Just like it's okay to wear make-up to hide a pimple or so, it's okay if you are a boy and want to dress in high heels and a dress.

But at the same time some effort has to be put into loving yourself. You are not ugly because you were born as a boy. And that is no reason to hate how you look. Some people are born with disabilities, and look very different from the norm.. that doesnt make them ugly. They may have trouble accepting their beauty but it's something worth while to try and do.

In life you are born a certain way and as you travel though life things will change .. you will add to your self. Maybe you will change to look more towards what you think is 'pretty'. Fine. But you wont ever be really happy until you love every stage that you have been through.

Because it's important that you can look at a picture of yourself when you were a nine year old in a shirt and boy's jeans one day and...smile.

But I admit; I cant relate. And who knows maybe you will one day smile at your past even if you dodnt like it. Just because you would be in a better place when you are 'prettier'.


I'm sorry if anyone felt hurt by this message. I don't mean any disrespect. I just wanted to say my opinion. Which is; love your entire self; as you are, as you want to be, as you will be.
 
I disagree. who I am is an extension of my hopes dreams and feelings. the boy in the mirror looks so miserable....I feel sorry for him...I just want to make the mirror stop lying...I want to...smile.

I'll be pretty one day!!!

*sighs* such a long road ahead.
 
sorry jales I'll have to disagree with you, but everyone of us are entitled to their opinion, so i cannot say you
are wrong for thinking the way you do.
Anyway, I was, for a very long time, thinking I was a girl in a boy's body. But then after a long time
I realised I liked having a boy's body, but then I was like "why do I like guys then?" -head/desk-
of course, this was cause i was totally sheltered...my parents thought that gays and transgender
things were like...sins. When i discovered I was gay, i spoke to my best friend about it, who said
my parents were my parents, they'd love me no matter what. Course she didn't really KNOW my
parents, and they were like "GTFO D:<" when I told them. Not everyone can be accepting.

But then something else confused me. I liked wearing woman's clothes. *__*
Yeah, I enjoy wearing dresses, putting on makeup...I get confused as a girl
at school ALL the time, because of how I dress and how effeminite I am.
Of course, I wish people would shut up about it so my prick teacher doesn't
kick me out for looking pretty. =___= it's not like I was jumping up and throwing
tomatoes...actually i'm a very focused student. =/ it's just hard to focus when
you get kicked out of class for being who you are.

it's possible to look like a pretty girl if you're stuck in a boy's body~
people do it all the time, darling Kelly~ I just wish the majority of the
world was more accepting of this kind of thing.

It's also really annoying when people get confused with crossdressing and transgender.
I am a crossdresser~ not a transgender, hahah.

I really have no idea how this comment will help at all...o___o
but hey Kelly, if you need to rant some more and talk with me
you can pm me or email me at [email protected] <3
okay darling? :3

Uriel«
 
i feel sorry for the 'boy' in the mirror as well..

Uriel what part of what I said do you disagree with?
All i've said is that she can dress as she wants to..do whatever surgery she wants to but as long as she lives her past/that boy in the mirror will always be a part of her life and who she is... and it isnt something that i think it's healthy to be ashamed of or to hate.

I think just as much as people (like me) need to start accepting others who are different, people in this situation need to start accepting themselves. I've lived with people who hate how they look..for very different reasons than Kelly might... But truth is it has the same effect. I'm not saying egoistical is good..but if you beg that the world starts accepting you for dressing as you wish... in my mind the least you can do is accept yourself.

This will prolly start an argument..so if you wish to reply in PM either one of you'll can. If not; yup i'm just another ignorant person who doesn't get it.
 
Just be yourself, remember; everyone deserves the right to be happy, to be loved and to feel wanted.
 
jales said:
i feel sorry for the 'boy' in the mirror as well..

Uriel what part of what I said do you disagree with?
All i've said is that she can dress as she wants to..do whatever surgery she wants to but as long as she lives her past/that boy in the mirror will always be a part of her life and who she is... and it isnt something that i think it's healthy to be ashamed of or to hate.

I think just as much as people (like me) need to start accepting others who are different, people in this situation need to start accepting themselves. I've lived with people who hate how they look..for very different reasons than Kelly might... But truth is it has the same effect. I'm not saying egoistical is good..but if you beg that the world starts accepting you for dressing as you wish... in my mind the least you can do is accept yourself.

This will prolly start an argument..so if you wish to reply in PM either one of you'll can. If not; yup i'm just another ignorant person who doesn't get it.

ooh O: well I think she'll be happy when she's in the body she deserves.
 
I feel like a girl...but I mostly like girls...I'm open to the idea of guys though...there's so much that says I'm a girl and not gay, not that I would mind being gay. if I could be happy just being gay I would be. even if it sounds ignorant I always said in response to the question "what if you were gay?" I always said back "well I'd be gay" I really don't think it would bother me terribly much....but I don't know much of the social stigma of being gay...be closet transgendered I'm not reconised as homosexual o.o;

oh and btw Transgender is a Umbrella term referring to many groups in the Transgender community. this does include cross dressers so technically you are hun, what you mean is your not "transsexual" ^_^
 

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