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Broken by fictitious love (X5 in a row)
#11
Kaetic, I think you are completely right. Though repression was a huge part of the reason I stayed, I was indeed conscious that I should've been treated better and still choose to stay. But in the moment, I was convinced that they truly "loved" me. As they say, "love can blind you."

TheRealCallie, Yes, Learning is all that I can logically do with these situations. But, I do have to comment on the codependency subject. While I am not well informed about this disorder and make the following comments based on extrapolations, If I were codependent, then I believe that I would actively seek relationships to validate my self-importance. All of the girls mentioned were the ones to initiate the relationship. I never went after them. I believe my actions are rooted in the natural human instinct to be a social creature. I could be completely wrong, and I'm not denying the possibility of having this disorder, I would just like to point out the fact that I don't have any real friends or strong social connections, which I believe are the impetuses behind my actions.
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#12
Sounds like most everything has already been said.

I also think that love is not only felt differently but interpreted VERY differently by people. I think certain people interpret love through romance, dizzying highs and lows and emotional rushes (especially the ones associated with new relationships or encounters). People like that can have a tendency to do what they do, get bored and move on to the next thing with no regrets or sympathy because in their mind the love or closeness or whatever is gone.

And in total opinion of mine, people are animals and living is selfishness. Being nice or caring is seen a weapon or tool, being genuinely nice is seen as weakness or opportunity. 
I don't think that partners taking advantage of you for putting 100% into a relationship is reserved for only just abusers. I feel that if you treat any SO or person too well (or for too long) that they will lose quite a bit of respect for you on a subconscious level, whether they are aware of it or not they will perceive you as being lesser in the pecking order which will dictate their future behavior towards you and the more and more they find they are able to get away with the worse it will get.
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#13
It's normal to let a certain amount of disrespect slide for the sake of not overreacting and endangering a relationship, but as others pointed out you have a pattern of getting treated like this.

Aside from a lack of spine you're probably not completely blameless with regard to your own behaviour either. We all have unlikeable sides, and if we're inexperienced so that this doesn't get to be worked on. These women would no doubt have valid sounding reasons for doing what they did, people would probably nod in agreement if they heard them and comdemn you in the process. I imagine they just abruptly cut you off with barely any warning, correct? Well, that tells you enough.
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#14
(05-05-2019, 03:15 PM)Isolationsist Wrote: If there was ever anything I could possibly do to make my significant other happy, I would do it. This often meant spending time with them despite having homework or other responsibilities that had long term ramifications for incompletion. In short, I tried my absolute hardest to always be the best boyfriend I could possibly be. 

First, a little disclaimer - I've never been in a relationship so feel free to take what I say with a grain of salt.  But I've read a lot about this, and I've had a similar situation.  I used to think similarly, that I should try to make the ones I liked happy.  And like you, there have been a few times when I stayed up for hours talking to a girl I liked when I should have been doing homework instead.  I like warmth and affection, and I assumed that others would too, especially if they've been given the cold shoulder a lot in life.  I wanted to show that I wasn't like the "cool", indifferent guys, that I was different.  Plus I genuinely liked their company.  But I think that's the problem.  You shouldn't try too hard to make someone else happy, especially in the initial stages.  And you definitely shouldn't make it obvious that you're trying hard, or put their happiness ahead of homework, responsibilities, or other important things for yourself.

(05-05-2019, 03:15 PM)Isolationsist Wrote: Over the last 4 years, I've "talked to" 5 girls, all of which used, manipulated, and exploited me. Thousands of dollars wasted, countless hours that have been cast into a blackhole, and a mind that has lost about 40% of its working capacity due to the stress and loneliness it has been subjected to are all end results of being involved with these relationships.

Yeah this is another thing I've read a lot about - you shouldn't spend too much money or spend too much time on a girl you like if you aren't dating her yet.  It seems more like having a friend, but one that you have to impress - without looking like you're trying to impress them because you're supposed to do it just by being how you are, unconsciously.  You shouldn't give yourself away too easily.  I know this can seem weird, counter-intuitive, and hard - it is for me too because I really want warmth and affection.  But, it seems to be the "rules" so to speak.  People appreciate things they have to work hard for, more than things they are just given.  Don't make her feel like she can say "jump!" and you'll say "how high?"

(05-05-2019, 03:15 PM)Isolationsist Wrote: How can someone do such a horrendous thing to another sentient being? I seriously would love to hear opinions on why people behave so selfishly without regard to the consequences for the other person. I have yet to come up with a theory that explains this type of irrational behavior. 

 Also, If you've had this happen to you and are now over it, what did you do to get over it?

...wondering what I did to make them want to hurt me when all I ever wanted to do was make them happier than anyone else ever had.

I feel like the answer is, because they lost respect for you and started seeing you as below them instead of seeing you as an equal.  I'm not saying you're not a respectable person.  But that's what seems to happen a lot if a guy tries to be too nice to a girl before a relationship is established.  I guess they feel like it's just supposed to "work" like magic, automatically, because you're supposed to just randomly have the traits she's looking for instead of feeling like you're trying to buy the relationship with things.  And it shows that you are valuing them more than yourself, so it gets them drunk on their own ego.  You never want to make a girl feel like she's better than you, or come off as slavish to her.  I'm not saying be mean either, I'm totally against dominance and feel like it belongs in the past.  But just don't be subservient.  Don't make her feel like she's got you wrapped around her finger.

It's weird.  It weirds me out too.  A lot of people are shitty and backwards, and look at life as a series of hierarchies and power games.  I don't, I like warmth and I dislike hierarchies, so it seems crazy to me.  But this seems to be the way most people are wired.  

(05-06-2019, 12:39 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: It kind of sounds like you let it happen because you want to be in a relationship.  There is such a thing as being TOO selfless.  You have to be selfish, to an extent because otherwise, you aren't taking care of yourself, which is how you typically end up being used and manipulated.  

That sounds like me as well.  I wanted to be in a relationship so badly I let down my guard.  I didn't even know I needed to keep it up.  I also naively assumed some people wanted the same things I did.  

(05-06-2019, 12:39 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote: At the risk of being harassed by certain members (again), you need to work on yourself.  You need to learn how to take care of yourself when you are in a relationship, whether it's a platonic one or a romantic one.  It's not all about everyone else and how much you can help them.  You have to realize that you have to help yourself too.  Don't let yourself be pushed around.

No harassment from me.  We may not always agree but...let's just say I've seen worse, lol.  And "don't let yourself be pushed around" is good advice that I myself wish I took to heart a long time ago.

(05-18-2019, 08:28 PM)Grandclam Wrote: Sounds like most everything has already been said.

I also think that love is not only felt differently but interpreted VERY differently by people. I think certain people interpret love through romance, dizzying highs and lows and emotional rushes (especially the ones associated with new relationships or encounters). People like that can have a tendency to do what they do, get bored and move on to the next thing with no regrets or sympathy because in their mind the love or closeness or whatever is gone.

And in total opinion of mine, people are animals and living is selfishness. Being nice or caring is seen a weapon or tool, being genuinely nice is seen as weakness or opportunity. 
I don't think that partners taking advantage of you for putting 100% into a relationship is reserved for only just abusers. I feel that if you treat any SO or person too well (or for too long) that they will lose quite a bit of respect for you on a subconscious level, whether they are aware of it or not they will perceive you as being lesser in the pecking order which will dictate their future behavior towards you and the more and more they find they are able to get away with the worse it will get.

Agreed with the highlighted parts.  I feel like the idea that different people interpret love differently, is a mistake that's very easy to miss.  I know I have.  And it's been my experience that we're not as evolved as we want to think we are.  Some people are nice and warm, and I feel like those are the more advanced people because they are showing the ability and desire to see beyond survival of the fittest.  But some people are cold and almost more primitive, more law of the jungle types.  Those are the ones that see niceness as weakness or opportunity, like you said, and view people they feel are "too nice" as weaker and therefore lower in the pecking order.  I really can't stand that mindset and I would have expected us to have outgrown it by now, but there still seem to be a lot more of them than one might think.
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#15
(05-22-2019, 02:44 PM)TheSkaFish Wrote: I feel like the answer is, because they lost respect for you and started seeing you as below them instead of seeing you as an equal.

This. They may not have gone into with the intention of mistreating you but as soon as the respect was lost you/it no longer mattered to them.
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