Loner here. Come talk to me.

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thtnprsn

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Just wanted to drop a hello. 
I've been a loner most all my life, by a mixture of choice and circumstances. At some point in my 20s I decided to be social, go to parties, etc. Turns out I'm really not about that life. I'm much happier being alone as my most meaningful pursuits are rather solitary-Reading, writing, gardening, learning new things.

I eventually succumbed to my workings and was much happier. People talk about loners as if they're scary or dangerous, but I'm not. They praise "friends" and want a whole lot of them. I don't.

I feel like my loner tendencies are rarely appreciated. In googling why I am the way I am, I came across "recent studies" about loners--
https://mavenroundtable.io/theintel...e-happiest-when-alone-Qn_wF6eoBku0Hnx6JCpcBg/
I laughed a little at the compliment, for once. But apparently some people will never find joy being in a social group.
What do you think? Do you relate?

My ideal "social group" meets up once a month to "hang out," where hang-outs consist of coffee shops, museums, bookstores or libraries, or exploring something new.
What about you?
 
Welcome to the site. Look around and make yourself at home.
 
Same boat. Been a loner pretty much my entire life with the odd periods of sociability. I love solitude, and love being alone, although I do sort of crave a genuine connection with someone.

I’m happy just spending half the day in bed, alone with books or a synth.
 
Welcome! :D
Hope u find some good people to talk to. It's very difficult. I found one person which is a miracle. :)
 
As a single, I appreciate having abundant time and freedom to focus only on me.  It's easier, safer, and allows me the pleasure of doing only what I want, when I want, without having to entertain or accommodate others.  It''s comfortable and I remain in control.  Perhaps that speaks well to being a loner too, which I too often am myself.  The difference is though that I don't deem this to be a healthy, appropriate, preferred lifestyle.  In fact, it detracts from the whole purpose of life.  And what's that?  Well, I'd pose that the Christian faith has the right answer to that, although some other religions share in the same message: to love the Lord your God and to love others.  In other words, life is about relationships.

I don't expect to give up my loner lifestyle completely or easily, nor to convert you to the same.  But, I would suggest that you strive for some type of daily interaction with people - if even to just smile and say hi to someone walking out the door.  I would suggest that you seek out any neighbors, friends, or family members at least weekly to spend face to face time with - to interact, to share, to give support and help when its needed.   I would suggest that you make a decisive effort to build and maintain relationships, and not be content with being a lifetime loner focused only on yourself.  If you are made in the image of God, which there's substantial evidence for, you have value and purpose.  And that purpose doesn't mean staying isolated and caring only about yourself; you're here to care about others too.  That of course requires interaction with people.  Now realize that you can have adequate private time to yourself while still fitting others into your life.  There's a balance to be found, and being on the empty end is not going to yield a fulfilling, purpose driven life.

Most Christian theologians teach that believers who go to heaven (or the new earth) will be surrounded by their loved ones from this earthly life.  A score of survivors from near death experiences also share a common report: that immediately after their biological death, they were warmly greeted at heaven's gates by known loved ones and one-time encounters from the past. In other words, there's evidence to believe that our relationships here in this temporary earthly life may determine our relationships in the next eternal life.  Can you understand and appreciate the significance of that if it's true?  It's as if God has put us on this world as a training ground - to learn how to love here in order to prepare us for the greater love awaiting for us in heaven.  We might make it there alone, but it's not the ideal path to pursue.  Life, here now and heaven later, is about love and relationships.  It's best to embrace these values, not avoid them.
 
I dont understand this notion that all intellectuals prefer their own company over that of others. It seems to me to be a backlash to them feeling like outcasts in terms to finding people who think at their level. Humans need to interact with others, some like social interaction with more people, while others prefer more tightly-knit groups. 

Personally i prefer one to one conversations more than group talking. I know and submit to the fact that i need social interaction, i want it and enjoy it. Heck, that's part of the reason i am even on this site.

Anyway, rant over. Welcome to the forum, hope you find what you are looking for here.
 
I've also been a loner by a mixture of choice and circumstances, actually had periods of total isolation due to circumstances. The whims of fate have now given me a best friend who is extroverted, wants to hang out and talk constantly, and likes to share emotions with others. As Sir Joseph says, "Now realize that you can have adequate private time to yourself while still fitting others into your life. There's a balance to be found, and being on the empty end is not going to yield a fulfilling, purpose driven life." Being socially isolated was relaxing; no one was teasing me or nagging me and I thought it was a great way of life. But looking back on it, I see that it wasn't fulfilling. At first I felt really stressed out and unbalanced, but I adjusted to how my new best friend behaves and now it's a fulfilling best friendship for both of us.

Best wishes! I hope someone comes along and shakes up your social life. Maybe you'll get the group of friends that meets once a month to catch up and spend some quality time together.
 

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