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Work used to be my escape but now..
Lol sorry i keep losting this long thing then deleting it i just dont feel comfortable
You must have a lot on your mind. We are here to listen
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind."
— Dr. Seuss
Some of my co workers like to joke that I'm gay (There's nothing wrong with being gay,I'm just not.) and make jokes about it because I don't go out of my way to try and get women, have been single for quite a few years now. I'm pretty comfortable with my sexuality, but it, over time, has started to hurt my self esteem and bring me down and make me feel very "lesser than" when in comparison to others my own age. I used to roll with the punches very well, but my ability and ability to laugh at myself often gets taken advantage of. As a man, no matter how tough I am emotionally it eventually eats into my self worth and self image of being a man. I've had women be attracted to me, but after getting dumped a few years ago and subsequently going through a bout of serious depression, trying to rebound many times and getting turned down every time, and eventually accepting that you can't force things and just deciding to live my life as it comes to me, I find it extremely hard to accept the advances/propositions of women. Regardless of whether it's a fling type of thing, a FWB type of thing, or a more serious dating type thing. For one, they're not the person I wanted to spend my life with, so I don't feel comfortable getting into any type of relationship. I don't want to get into a relationship with someone I don't know, can't trust (or won't because of my past). It goes on and on in my head, but essentially my situation in life gets made into the butt of many jokes. And you can't tell someone when something bothers you, because they'll double down on it. You have to grin and bear it, or they'll never find something else to laugh at. It's put me in a pretty dark place recently. One where you consider your actions based on how they'll effect the lives of others in a negative way.

I'm pretty good at clearing my head though. Usually just taking a nap helps me feel much better.

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