Again, perhaps you are too focused on the "red" spectrum of light.
I personally don't subscribe to, 'self-improvement'. I am timid and shy. No way in ******* HELL (well, never say never) will I ever have the confidence of strong woman who, 'doesn't give a fresia'. I give a fresia (I care). Some times you can care, WAY too much, about things that are unimportant. I care about what some one at the grocery store may have thought about me a good 15 minutes after the encounter ended. Most likely for them, they didn't give a honeysuckle to begin with; and, if they did, it's probably more their problem than mine.
Anyway, my point is, if you are 5'8" feet tall; then, yeah no honeysuckle, trying to be 6'3" is not going to work. If you are 4'9", start using a stool. An apple tree bears apple fruits. Why expect it to bear pears, or pineapples?
There are some things in life we absolutely can NOT change. Other things, we have relatively easy control over; such as, turning on a light switch. One extreme is black and the other is white. Life has a LOT of room for a LOT of grays, vagueness, and such (even some color).
It seems to me like you have spent a lot of time trying to make yourself 6'3" feet tall, when you are in fact 5'8" feet tall. It's very very easy for me to, 'describe', my, 'understanding', of your situation. It's not so easy to appreciate it. I can tell you, from my own opinion, though, we are living in a time, where EVERYONE is envious of EVERYONE else. Never, have people, seemed to want what some one else has so much (at least in the U.S., it seems, but, I digress).
In psychology circles, you may here about, "black and white/all or nothing" thinking. I hear you say, "I am not confident and ladies just don't want my propane and propane accessories, therefore I must stop selling propane and propane accessories." It's a ******* black screen, man. It's all black. You have had some female(s) ask you a few questions about a social encounter in this thread of yours, concerning your woes. I imagine she is quite knowledgeable about how, she, as a female, views certain social situations. She, may, or may not have been able to provide some small advice, and at the very least, gave you the time of day. Even if that's one tiny blue dot on your black screen, at least the screen still works.
You can watch comedian after comedian lament all the woes of feminine discourses in this world. honeysuckle, maybe that's it. Take up comedy. Get into drama. And there are women out there right now going through EXACTLY what you are going through (except maybe they still live with their parents and don't have six figures coming in).
At the very least, you are NOT alone, SPECIFICALLY, in your circumstance. I suppose I'm not trying to give you answers or advice as much as state again, some major themes.
For one,
maybe, try to pull the thumb back a bit. For another, I agree with you completely. I, myself, am not confident and outgoing, why waste time and energy trying to make an apple tree honeysuckle out pineapples? Third, now that I am not wasting energy trying to be 6'3" when I am 5'8", what can I use that unspent energy doing? Perhaps I can produce better apples?
There are people who go about life the wrong way till they are on their deathbed and after all that wasted time and energy, finally, figure it out. Some people don't even figure it out at all. I hope I'm not one of either of those; but, my point is you, you can spend ENORMOUS amounts of time on something that turns out to be a completely useless failure. These things happen in human life, and have happened; but, on the positive, some times that great scientific discovery happens as a random accident completely unrelated to years of endeavors that ultimately failed.
If you suck at being a sexy woman magnet; join the club, man. If everything is either black or white, you can't even watch black and white television. You need some grays. And if you can get that far, maybe you can introduce some color in there.
Or, to throw away all that horseshit I just typed; even more simply put, some times when working on a tough puzzle, you have to take a long break to make any further progress. This is an experiential fact. Or like studying for a test. You can only study for so long before your mind just can't absorb any more honeysuckle and you need to go stare at a cow in a field for 3 hours to detox and let it all sink in while you recharge.
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oh, also. Concerning your, "fire side failure"... at least you tried... I asked a woman out from a college class a few years ago. I waited till the very last class, after the test was taken, to finally get the nerve to ask her for a cup of coffee. Turns out she had a boyfriend already; but, didn't mind seeing about a friendship. I was visibly hurt over the, PERCEIVED, rejection of her having a boyfriend to even try to accept an offer of friendship. She was a real sweet heart, about it, too; told me it was good that I asked. So. Better to have tried and failed, then to have never tried at all...
..and all that jazz. At least I tried. I failed, and I failed pretty hard; but, wow, I had the courage to at least ask.