Cutting ties to a user

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Iceman1978

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What I am about to post is long, but I’ve been away from the message boards for a while and wanted to share my story of what I’ve been through these past two years.


About three years ago I made what turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I cosigned an auto loan for someone that I believed was trustworthy, and would always be a life long friend. He promised me three things: 1) Stay current on the loan payment. 2) Reimburse me for the insurance, and 3) Maintain a clean driving record. Needless to say he failed to do so on all three. After the first year he began to fall behind on the loan. When the insurance rates increased he simply stopped paying altogether, and, he received six traffic tickets in the space of just one year. Four tickets for speeding, another for reckless driving, and one for failure to maintain proof of insurance. The insurance rates started at $80/month, and, by the time I was finally able to take possession of the car, were $525/month.

This is in addition to my bailing him out of jail when he failed to pay child support.

I explained to him what this was doing to me, of the stress, the mental anguish, the financial cost, etc. and he would simply remark that “I’m stressed out enough” or “I’ve told you what’s going on” yet did nothing to make the situation any better.

Eventually, he was involved in an auto accident (not at fault) but, this created the opportunity I needed to take the car. Upon showing that my name was on it, and that his license was suspended, the shop agreed to release it only to me. Well, this didn’t over well with him at all. He called the shop multiple times threatening them with the police, then threatened me with the police, saying he would report the car stolen if I didn’t give it back to him. On the advise of my attorney, I ceased all communication with him once taking possession of the car.

Sad that there are people like this in the world. This guy is the literal definition of a user. Personally, I think he’s probably a sociopath in that he never showed any sort of empathy for what he was putting me through, and that he lies to get what he wants. Even today, I have to resist the temptation to send him a scathing text message, just to tell him exactly what I think of him, but, he’s probably not worth it.

Difficult thing to go through, but at least this is a success story in that I was able to cut him loose. Car is gone as is the insurance.
 
It must have been a difficult realization to discover you had misplaced your trust.
Do you think you'll be confidant in your judgment of someone's character to extend that much trust ever again?
 
To trust someone to that extent? No.

Doesn’t mean I don’t have close friends though. I have a few close friends and they were there for me when I went through this.

It is sad though. What this guy put me through? I wouldn’t do this to my worst enemy. I had assumed a worst case scenario of paying only $80/month in insurance and perhaps two payments on the car each year. Would have been irritating but not anything I couldn’t handle. What I ended up with was exponentially worse. 

I’ve actually sued him twice and have two judgements against him. Third lawsuit possibly in the making. I know I won’t get a dime from him, but, court records are public knowledge and this can destroy what’s left of his credit. Any background check done on him by a potential employer and they will see it.
 
This is a life experience that has a very hard lesson to swallow, and it isn't one that is immediately obvious. You cannot predict or control others, no matter how well you know them. People are inherently selfish, self-absorbed, and stuck living with only their own narrow perspective of the world with no consideration for the perspectives of others.

But the hardest pill to swallow is that you did nothing wrong in trusting him. He was your friend and although hindsight experience tells you to know better, nobody knows until they do. You have to burn your hand a couple of times before reaching for a kitchen glove becomes automatic. Even then you still burn a finger here. Such is life.

As for you, well, you've gone above and beyond what most friends would do. Hang in there and remember that not all people are scumbags, but those few ruin trust for the rest of us.
 
I recently found out just how disgusting he really is. He was arrested about two weeks ago for domestic violence.
 
Wait, how long did you know this guy? Was it a new car or a used car?

Even if the person is completely trustworthy, you never cosign AND provide insurance for someone. There's no reason they can't find a cheap car after saving up some money. My nephew just bought an older truck for $500. They are out there, all you have to do is look. And most places have taxis/buses/ubers/friends who can give them rides...

I could be thinking of another forum member, but are you sure you weren't so focused on keeping a friend happy that you allowed yourself to be used?
 
Trust me. I understand this now. I will regret this for as long as I live.

It wasn’t so much a matter of me allowing myself to be used, but more like being trapped. Since my name was on it, I was required to maintain insurance regardless if he paid it back or not, and I suspect he knew that.

Interesting that today (Sep 8) is exactly one year to the date of when the bank finally repoed the car. I met with the tow truck driver, then went to the DMV to surrender the tag, then called up the insurance company to cancel the policy. After that, I went out for a drink to celebrate.

I’ve said for a while that he is an inherently bad person, dishonest person, a user, and, in my estimation..a sociopath. Him getting arrested for domestic violence only proves that I was right. My only hope with that is that the woman will not drop the charges. Hopefully she has tossed him out of her home, changed the locks and gotten a protective order on him.
 

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