SirPanda
Well-known member
So I've been in this quasi relationship with someone I met on Anxiety forum. She has issues with her appearance and feeling discriminated against for her race(Asian, American Born) and is on Disability because of it. We met by happenstance on the anxiety forum. And we got to know each other online for month before meeting in real life. Now during that month there were communication issues of misinterpretations. She seems to have this issue with everyone not just me.
Later we moved our communication to Google Hangouts. Now from there she always complained about how people perceived her and complained at how ugly she was etc. Only to then turn around and actually fat shame me. Now I've lost some weight since then and I wasn't exactly obese but not skinny. SHe's very petite. But still given her own perception of herself it's absurd to turn it around on me. We've even been intimate later in the relationship. But over the course of 12 months we hungout and chatted for long periods online. Nearly everyday. And nearly every time it's contentious. Because she has this stigmatized view of me. She grew up in a very liberal city and has college education. But she looks down on me for not having those things. Stereotypes me from the city I live which is a small town, stereotyped as kind of hickish, but it's mostly a mix of White, hispanic, and East Indian. While I consider myself moderate and libertarian she keeps insisting on this conservative slant of me. So that's just one aspect of the contention. While she herself isn't exactly in a position or status in life to make such judgements. It's truly mind boggling. I've been empathetic to her yet she doesn't fully accept me. But at the same time she's actually admitted that she's only interacting with me because she's lonely and has no other people to talk to or hangout with. She did hangout with one other male friend(very Platonic as she speaks ill of him too). However our relationship has been more non-platonic. I've tried to show her that life and relationships more than the superficial and shallow things she seems to focus on, but she won't budge. Always insulting me with this perception that I"m overly conservative and never been there done that, non-bougie, less educated. It's very childish in my opinion. But my own loneliness makes me stick with her and empathize with her anxiety driven issues. I giving her a huge benefit of the doubt and trying to show her what a good person is and the shallow superficial things she harps on aren't what's important.
She has also expressed how little overlap we have in interests and certain beliefs. But the fact that I've been hanging out and doing many activities with her that would be construed as more cultured, educated doesn't seem to matter to her. And I'm not doing them just to appease her. The activities we've done I'm genuinely interested in as well.
Now I admit since she's the first gal I've tried to have a relationship with I am very inexperienced so I've made some mistakes. And few occasions I've definitely let my emotions get the better of me. So while I've grown in this past 12 months + she hasn't. She literally repeats the same rote issues she has with herself and of me. Her therapists don't seem to help her.
I don't know what else I should do. This is toxic. I recognize it. But both our desperate loneliness is making us stick together.
Later we moved our communication to Google Hangouts. Now from there she always complained about how people perceived her and complained at how ugly she was etc. Only to then turn around and actually fat shame me. Now I've lost some weight since then and I wasn't exactly obese but not skinny. SHe's very petite. But still given her own perception of herself it's absurd to turn it around on me. We've even been intimate later in the relationship. But over the course of 12 months we hungout and chatted for long periods online. Nearly everyday. And nearly every time it's contentious. Because she has this stigmatized view of me. She grew up in a very liberal city and has college education. But she looks down on me for not having those things. Stereotypes me from the city I live which is a small town, stereotyped as kind of hickish, but it's mostly a mix of White, hispanic, and East Indian. While I consider myself moderate and libertarian she keeps insisting on this conservative slant of me. So that's just one aspect of the contention. While she herself isn't exactly in a position or status in life to make such judgements. It's truly mind boggling. I've been empathetic to her yet she doesn't fully accept me. But at the same time she's actually admitted that she's only interacting with me because she's lonely and has no other people to talk to or hangout with. She did hangout with one other male friend(very Platonic as she speaks ill of him too). However our relationship has been more non-platonic. I've tried to show her that life and relationships more than the superficial and shallow things she seems to focus on, but she won't budge. Always insulting me with this perception that I"m overly conservative and never been there done that, non-bougie, less educated. It's very childish in my opinion. But my own loneliness makes me stick with her and empathize with her anxiety driven issues. I giving her a huge benefit of the doubt and trying to show her what a good person is and the shallow superficial things she harps on aren't what's important.
She has also expressed how little overlap we have in interests and certain beliefs. But the fact that I've been hanging out and doing many activities with her that would be construed as more cultured, educated doesn't seem to matter to her. And I'm not doing them just to appease her. The activities we've done I'm genuinely interested in as well.
Now I admit since she's the first gal I've tried to have a relationship with I am very inexperienced so I've made some mistakes. And few occasions I've definitely let my emotions get the better of me. So while I've grown in this past 12 months + she hasn't. She literally repeats the same rote issues she has with herself and of me. Her therapists don't seem to help her.
I don't know what else I should do. This is toxic. I recognize it. But both our desperate loneliness is making us stick together.