Recovering Addict you can do it! (warning talk of ex habits)

Hello, I will start with im a recovering addict of 10 years. And only being 27 is a big accomplishment. I have been through hell and back in my life. It all started when I was 13 when My mom moved me to a new town. I started getting in with a different crowd than what i was hanging with back home.  I started drinking, then getting into pills. By time i was 16 i was on heroin. My mom had no idea, although not that she really paid enough attention to me to care. She was always at the bar and treating me like dog honeysuckle. She would come home drunk and scream at me, beat me. Whatever mood she was in i felt it. I think alot of it pushed me towards drugs.  I mean she was buying me cases of beer at 16, house parties on the weekends and unlimited drugs. Back then i thought my life was awesome. I was also a kid. Well, at 17 I was living with my dealer and we all got busted. Ended up getting into some trouble and getting on probation. I moved in with my dad and was still doing whatever i wanted. My entire Childhood was me, myself and I. So it was nothing new. I failed my pee tests and landed myself in rehab. When I got out of rehab I stayed clean for a few months and was right back at it again except it wasn't with herion. I was doing stupid crap. I was overdosing on cold medacine and tripping. I was on that crap even before rehab. it was anything i could get my hands on really. My life was messed up. It was the only way I feel i could cope. Now that i look back it wasa dangerous way of coping. I could've died plenty of times. I did die once. Scared the living honeysuckle out of me. Course it didn't stop me for very long.   I hate when people say that addiction is not a disease. The addiction itself is not the disease. There is an underlying reason why people do drugs. Mine was a bad childhood and deep depression. Now that im older of course i find healthier ways to cope. My past still haunts me and im sure it always will. When things get really stressful I still crave. But im stronger now. Addiction is a disease and a choice. You can either choose to cope healthy or cope by drugs. But, Please if youre an addict know theres more to life. Drugs dull the pain not take it away. Fast Forward, even though im going through some things now. I got my apartment on my own. I got my car on my own I accomplished more sober than i ever would back then. I wish i could go back and start my life over and chose not to take that path. It is never to late to stop. You're never to low to not be able to go up. And i don't want to hear anyones excuses because, if i can come back from where i was so can you. Life is WHAT YOU MAKE IT. If you think negative all the time you will receive negative. Take it from some one who has a bad habit of thinking negative. But, I try to find the posative in everything when I can. Even if you feel alone in the world and like nobody cares... there is atleast 1 person out there would be devastated if something happened to you. Drugs are only a death sentence.   Ive come a long way, and all i want to do is see people come back from somewhere they never thought they could come back from. My cousin is locked up right now, he was so far into drugs that he ripped someone off and they raped him and beat him. Do you really want to get that far? Na. You deserve more and dont let anyone make you think that you don't. If you are an addict, and you need to talk my inbox is always open. But never think you can't go up.

I liked reading your story. It’s so nice to get a peek into someone else’s life and experience. 
Was it hard to quit heroin?

MissBehave said:

I liked reading your story. It’s so nice to get a peek into someone else’s life and experience. 
Was it hard to quit heroin?

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Want the honest answer or the easiest answer? Ever read any stories wrote by other addicts? Its just like they say you fall in love with her. Thats why opiates are so bad right now in the US. But, yes it was hard. I was also Alone. I didn't have any support. Those "friends" i thought i had just was with me for the high. I found support within the rehab i went to which made it easier. The withdrawl isn't really as bad as youd think. It was the restlessness that i couldnt handle well, the rest just felt like the flu. But, its only as hard as you make it. Just have to have the push. You know? While I was in rehab I met someone I really connected with and they really helped me get through. The first week was really hard. Because, the withdrawl is just the beginning. When all the emotions come back is the hardest part. Counseling, Strength, and meetings are a huge help. I went to N/A meetings for about a year once i got out of rehab. Its always good to have at least one person who you can talk to about it.

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I once read this book called "tweak" by nic Sheff pretty sure thats how its spelled. Was a great read. Its about a guy that was on a bunch of Drugs and his success story. There are war stories in it so its not for people who just got clean 2 weeks ago. But I still have my NA book i got in rehab as a reminder of where I don't ever want to be again.

Sounds like you found some great support. It’s hard to choose something different for yourself, especially when you have been stuck in a track for a long time. I hope it goes well for you.

MissBehave said:

Sounds like you found some great support. It’s hard to choose something different for yourself, especially when you have been stuck in a track  for a long time. I hope it goes well for you.

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I have more to live for now. I have a daughter that i wouldn't ever do anything to jeopardize losing her. Shes defiantly my saving grace. Even on days i dont think I will make it she gives me the strength to Stay sober. once an addict always an addict and its always a struggle. But its always mind over matter.