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Buddy_2019

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Hello i'm 58 been married 15 years and this is my second marriage and find myself very unhappy and wanting more but not getting it. We get along but we are more like roommates and our sex life is not anything to jump up and down about. Divorce is not and option and we talk and communicate but we just don't seem to connect like we use to and really don't have much in common. I'm seeking a female who is is maybe in the same situation who would like to chat and shares some of out loneliness and feelings and be chat buddies and support one another. I know this is a shot in the dark but i don't know what else to do. Thx for reading and hope to hear back form anyone with support and advice.
 
Buddy,

I'm surprised no one's jumped in here for you.  Although I've never been married, I have seen a lot of good and bad marriages and experienced my own relationships in life.  From a Christian perspective, I've seen what works and what doesn't, so I offer this response for your consideration.

I believe that incompatible people get married all the time and it either leads to eventual divorce or a life of emotional hardship for those that honor their vows.  I can't know whether you and your wife have irreconcilable differences or whether you're just not showing and sharing love the way it should be. But, since you've made the commitment not to get divorced again, we'll go with the premise that you're either going to rebuild the love back or succumb to a remaining life of frustration, disappointment, and loneliness.  Before accepting option two, I think you need to be willing to take extraordinary measures to rebuild the love. You've heard it in songs, seen it in films, and hopefully learned it in church: love is more than a place we fall or a feeling we have, it's something that we do.

The first suggestion I have is to completely nix your idea to find solace in another woman - unless that woman is your close relative, church counselor, or old, fat, unattractive neighbor that you've already befriended.  In short, building a new relationship with a new woman, especially online, is far more likely to steer your heart towards that person than to your wife.  It's only natural to grow fond of someone who understands, sympathizes, and supports you.  But you need improved intimacy with your wife, not with another woman.

The second suggestion I have is to encourage you both to pursue good marriage counseling.  And to me, good counseling comes from a Christian leader who's happily married and knows the principles of a proper loving relationship.  I've learned that most couples who get good marriage counseling benefit immensely from it.  It takes a willing heart from both parties though, and if one's own heart isn't right, then sharing it with others will remain problematic.

If your wife isn't eager or motivated enough to pursue marriage counseling or to somehow otherwise rescue your marriage, then it's gonna be up to you to push the point.  After all, I think you're better off giving it all and achieving failure or success rather than maintaining unsatisfactory detante. If the burden lies on you, you're going to be tested on your ability to give unconditional love.  That's hard for all of us, but I have a movie to recommend that should inspire you.  Being a typical low budget, marginal acting, Christian film, it might seem a bit hokey in places.  But the plot is dead on applicable to you, the message profoundly right, and the story both interesting and entertaining. You can watch a good copy of this movie Fireproof on Netflix or catch a marginal quality copy of it at the link below.
  
http://www.cross.tv/86373

I hope this gives you some direction and a course of action Buddy.
 
Buddy_2019 said:
Hello i'm 58 been married 15 years and this is my second marriage and find myself very unhappy and wanting more but not getting it. We get along but we are more like roommates and our sex life is not anything to jump up and down about. Divorce is not and option and we talk and communicate but we just don't seem to connect like we use to and really don't have much in common. I'm seeking a female who is is maybe in the same situation who would like to chat and shares some of out loneliness and feelings and be chat buddies and support one another. I know this is a shot in the dark but i don't know what else to do. Thx for reading and hope to hear back form anyone with support and advice.
Click to expand...

I really didn't want to answer this post, but somehow my fingers took over my keyboard and it went from there. 

So, you find yourself unhappy. Got it. How about your wife, is she unhappy too? I suppose she must be because it takes two to tango. Furthermore, I suppose you would like her to look for someone to "chat" online as well?

Get real! It really looks like you are a bit in the dark, so let me enlighten you a bit -if you don't mind.


Your sex life is not what you think it should be? Well, how about you work on it? What in the name of whatever god makes you think she has to make you happy. Ever tried it the other way around?

A marriage is about giving and taking. Two equal partners. You have to want it - it takes work - it takes commitment. There are ups and downs and you have to live through it. Happiness is not served on a silver platter, mainly because it would be wasted. If you are not happy with yourself, nobody will be able to make you happy. It's that simple.

I came here because I am lonely. Are you?

If you don't mind me say so -and this will get me booted from this forum -cut the crap! Man up and work on your marriage. She is worth it...are you?

And stop your pity party. Grow up and stand up. If this marriage is not what you want to get out. If you can't do that ask yourself why? 

I am lonely. I have had fights with my husband lately because my loneliness has something to do with him as well. I let it happen and now I am rocking the boat for me -for him - for us. 

Chat with your wife. Support her, ask her to support you. A marriage takes work, so does life!
 
Basket Case said:
Buddy_2019 said:
Hello i'm 58 been married 15 years and this is my second marriage and find myself very unhappy and wanting more but not getting it. We get along but we are more like roommates and our sex life is not anything to jump up and down about. Divorce is not and option and we talk and communicate but we just don't seem to connect like we use to and really don't have much in common. I'm seeking a female who is is maybe in the same situation who would like to chat and shares some of out loneliness and feelings and be chat buddies and support one another. I know this is a shot in the dark but i don't know what else to do. Thx for reading and hope to hear back form anyone with support and advice.
Click to expand...

I really didn't want to answer this post, but somehow my fingers took over my keyboard and it went from there. 

So, you find yourself unhappy. Got it. How about your wife, is she unhappy too? I suppose she must be because it takes two to tango. Furthermore, I suppose you would like her to look for someone to "chat" online as well?

Get real! It really looks like you are a bit in the dark, so let me enlighten you a bit -if you don't mind.


Your sex life is not what you think it should be? Well, how about you work on it? What in the name of whatever god makes you think she has to make you happy. Ever tried it the other way around?

A marriage is about giving and taking. Two equal partners. You have to want it - it takes work - it takes commitment. There are ups and downs and you have to live through it. Happiness is not served on a silver platter, mainly because it would be wasted. If you are not happy with yourself, nobody will be able to make you happy. It's that simple.

I came here because I am lonely. Are you?

If you don't mind me say so -and this will get me booted from this forum -cut the crap! Man up and work on your marriage. She is worth it...are you?

And stop your pity party. Grow up and stand up. If this marriage is not what you want to get out. If you can't do that ask yourself why? 

I am lonely. I have had fights with my husband lately because my loneliness has something to do with him as well. I let it happen and now I am rocking the boat for me -for him - for us. 

Chat with your wife. Support her, ask her to support you. A marriage takes work, so does life!
Click to expand...

So many assumptions in your post. You assume he hasn't tried to work on it, you assume he hasn't tried to improve his sex life and without even knowing the OP or his wife you assert that she is worth it and question whether he is. How can you presume all of these things without any evidence and when you haven't bothered to ask the OP what he might have already done to improve the situation. Even if you turn out to be right and he does need to do more, you just end up looking biased to begin with.
 
LostintheBardo said:
Basket Case said:
Buddy_2019 said:
Hello i'm 58 been married 15 years and this is my second marriage and find myself very unhappy and wanting more but not getting it. We get along but we are more like roommates and our sex life is not anything to jump up and down about. Divorce is not and option and we talk and communicate but we just don't seem to connect like we use to and really don't have much in common. I'm seeking a female who is is maybe in the same situation who would like to chat and shares some of out loneliness and feelings and be chat buddies and support one another. I know this is a shot in the dark but i don't know what else to do. Thx for reading and hope to hear back form anyone with support and advice.
Click to expand...

I really didn't want to answer this post, but somehow my fingers took over my keyboard and it went from there. 

So, you find yourself unhappy. Got it. How about your wife, is she unhappy too? I suppose she must be because it takes two to tango. Furthermore, I suppose you would like her to look for someone to "chat" online as well?

Get real! It really looks like you are a bit in the dark, so let me enlighten you a bit -if you don't mind.


Your sex life is not what you think it should be? Well, how about you work on it? What in the name of whatever god makes you think she has to make you happy. Ever tried it the other way around?

A marriage is about giving and taking. Two equal partners. You have to want it - it takes work - it takes commitment. There are ups and downs and you have to live through it. Happiness is not served on a silver platter, mainly because it would be wasted. If you are not happy with yourself, nobody will be able to make you happy. It's that simple.

I came here because I am lonely. Are you?

If you don't mind me say so -and this will get me booted from this forum -cut the crap! Man up and work on your marriage. She is worth it...are you?

And stop your pity party. Grow up and stand up. If this marriage is not what you want to get out. If you can't do that ask yourself why? 

I am lonely. I have had fights with my husband lately because my loneliness has something to do with him as well. I let it happen and now I am rocking the boat for me -for him - for us. 

Chat with your wife. Support her, ask her to support you. A marriage takes work, so does life!
Click to expand...

So many assumptions in your post. You assume he hasn't tried to work on it, you assume he hasn't tried to improve his sex life and without even knowing the OP or his wife you assert that she is worth it and question whether he is. How can you presume all of these things without any evidence and when you haven't bothered to ask the OP what he might have already done to improve the situation. Even if you turn out to be right and he does need to do more, you just end up looking biased to begin with.
Click to expand...
Hello , thanks for all the feedback and its appreciated and will take nay help i can get thanks.
 

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