humourless
Well-known member
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2019
- Messages
- 362
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Empathy works.
Even if you aren't good at it. You get points for trying. And in the process of trying you get better at it.
example 1
I notice my partner is often grumpy and short tempered this time of year. its winter and cloudy. I usually take it personally. But after thinking about it a bit more I noticed this. She works from home. She works in a gloomy small study in our house up to 10 hours a day. No wonder she is grumpy! I told her no wonder you are in a bad mood all the time. It seemed to help. I advised 'take a holiday away from here all winter next year." she liked that even more.
example 2
my brother finally said by text "and don't contact me again until August". At first I was offended. How dare he talk to me like that. But I was dumping a lot of texts on him. And pushing my own agenda, my own opinions. he's entitled to have boundaries and in retrospect I didn't respect them. So I chose not to react to his rather strong demand at the end. Whilst I don't know if he is happier now I can sense that my decision not to react was a wise one and will help our relationship.
This insight needs to translate into a healthy habit.
Even if you aren't good at it. You get points for trying. And in the process of trying you get better at it.
example 1
I notice my partner is often grumpy and short tempered this time of year. its winter and cloudy. I usually take it personally. But after thinking about it a bit more I noticed this. She works from home. She works in a gloomy small study in our house up to 10 hours a day. No wonder she is grumpy! I told her no wonder you are in a bad mood all the time. It seemed to help. I advised 'take a holiday away from here all winter next year." she liked that even more.
example 2
my brother finally said by text "and don't contact me again until August". At first I was offended. How dare he talk to me like that. But I was dumping a lot of texts on him. And pushing my own agenda, my own opinions. he's entitled to have boundaries and in retrospect I didn't respect them. So I chose not to react to his rather strong demand at the end. Whilst I don't know if he is happier now I can sense that my decision not to react was a wise one and will help our relationship.
This insight needs to translate into a healthy habit.
