I am left out AGAIN

Hi.  I am 52 year old female. I run a meetup with a 70 year old woman. We have run the meet up together for years and had a good working relationship.

I just found out today she invited a bunch of others for lunch for her birthday and did not invite me.  It wasn't even that close friends, she invited others we had met via meetup.  Actually people from another meet up, not even ours, yet she invited them but not me.  : (

She always talked about this month as being her "birthday" month and not available for helping out.  

I found out when I called up one of the guys going  and he told me not realizing it might bother me.  I told him about a special 4th event and if he'd be interested.  He even said "Let's invite X, you know X"?  "Yes I know X, she is my meet up partner".     At first I agreed, the more the merrier but then I said "Let's not invite her.  I don't think she would be into this event as in the past she wasn't". But my main reason is if I can't even be invited to her casual birthday lunch I am not sure I should invite her to my own more personal event.  I don't want her there it would make me feel uncomfortable now. 

I just feel dejected.  Am I super into this woman as a friend?  No.  But we've always been friendly. The people she invited are my age.   But I cannot believe I am not even included in a loose social thing. I am her meet up partner for several years now!   

Clearly I am not worth it to her.  I am not liked "enough". I am not worthy enough.

I feel this will be the story of my life and I don't know how to get out of it.

How do I deal with this pain?   I expect rejection from some people but didn't expect it from her! Sigh.

Ask her. 
That’s the only way you are gonna find out why. 
Just a casual text or whatever would be fine. 
“Hey, I saw you had a birthday lunch meetup thingy and you didn’t invite me. Can we talk about that?”
That’s what I would do at least. Go in, deal with it and get rid of all these questions buzzing in your head. 
Faster way to moving on if she’s not worth it.

Understand what you mean. I've been left out many, many times in my life. The way I look at it is if she does this and is supposed to be a friend then who needs it. You are worth it. No matter who you are. People can be flat our mean. Also, due to someone I know, Ive come to realize that many people in our society are mentally ill on one level or another. I know its hard but just let it go. If she doesn't say anything and you feel like asking I would. However, she's the one that needs to explain, not you.

Bottom line.... Keep that chin up. This other person is missing out on a good friend. If she is that clueless don't degrade yourself. Just find another friend. They are out there. I promise. Like I said Ive been left out many times its to the point with me that I could really care less.

I agree with MissBehave. Just ask. Could be misunderstanding. Maybe there was an implied invite.

PandaSwag said:

I agree with MissBehave.  Just ask.  Could be misunderstanding.  Maybe there was an implied invite.

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Thanks guys for your benefit of the doubt but I don't think anything was implied.  She told me ahead of time that she won't be doing any official meet ups because it's her birthday month and she wants to spend it with FRIENDS. She didn't mention anything to me.   I didn't think it involved meet up people but lo and behold it did.

She isn't obligated to invite me so I won't ask. And we aren't friends friends...although friendly we are working together on a meet up.    I did have a lightbulb moment today though that I will post in another post about "rejection consciousness".    Please read that and let me know what you think.

How should I proceed with her now? I am not going to say anything but I wonder how I should be with her. I've always been super friendly and warm but now I think I'll cool it down and be more "business friendly". What do you think?

I think you should be how you've always been with her. Do what you feel is best and disregard anything about her not inviting you. It was her personal event. She has the right to invite who she wants and while it might hurt, you don't know her reason for not inviting you. She may have had a very logical reason.
In my opinion, the worst thing anyone can do is think they know why a person did what they did. You run a meetup together, yes, but that doesn't automatically make you friends. I run facebook groups with other people and I wouldn't call us friends. We talk all the time, but it's more of a "work" relationship. So yeah, if it's your nature to be super friendly and warm, then continue being that way. I know it's hard, but try not to take things so personally.

Hi HappyYogi, I can understand how upset you must be feeling. However, you also said that she had invited people from another meet up group rather than from your mutual meet up group to her birthday lunch. is it possible that she wanted to talk about/participate in whatever interest they share in the other meet up group for her birthday? I went to a German meet up for a while where we spoke mainly in German. Could it be something fairly similar? Also, you said you don't think of her as a close friend, so maybe she thought you wouldn't want to go. What has happened in other years when her birthday and your birthday come around?

Hi happy yogi!

I'm sorry you felt like that (Friendship or love aren't to be begged).

I know what it's felt like. My own daughter made me feel like that (yet I thought I was used to being rejected, but not my own family). Now i'm cured and aware of that hurting (all who hurt, will be hurt, too).

Few weeks back, my Ex mother in law was on birthday and my hurting daughter kissed and hugged her... this week, my own Mom was ignored by my daughter on her birthday (I felt hurt for that way of rejection).

You said, "How do I deal with this pain?   I expect rejection from some people but didn't expect it from her! Sigh."

I don't know your background but I've read Jesus said that it would be nicer If ppl invited to a parte THOSE who wouldn't turn back their backs. If i had a cake, I could partake with the poor, lames and blind: They have no way to repay!

I've done things like that, but I've tried not to build emotional bonds or friendly relationships. 

You know! It's a foolish way to selfprotect but, when you loved, you'll be hurt.