Dating Xpendable: Pros and Cons

Pros:
-Good conversationalist and a good listener.
-Reliable.
-Willing to show emotions.
-Sensitivity and creativity.
-Good sense of humor.
-Likes to go out but not a party animal.
-Not too many friends or too little friends. 
-Hardworking and responsible.
-Works out 2 or 3 times a week.
-Has skin-care.
-Works around the house.
-In acceptable shape and with a lot of energy.
-6'0 feet, slim body.
-Not picky. I don't want a supermodel.
-Brown skin and a stubble beard.
-Not picky with food.
-Not a big spender, likes to have savings.
-University student. (senior year)
-Artists.
-Bilingual.
-Read, writes, plays and makes music, draws.
-Likes animals very much.
-Not obsessed with social media.
-Values physical contact and affection.
-Attentive.
-Not conservative or leftist.
-Respects other people's beliefs.

Cons:
-No financial independence.
-Only works part-time.
-Doesn't own a house, car, etc.
-Can't invite you to expensive places or nice vacations.
-Can't buy you expensive gifts or tools.
-Over 30.
-Sexually inexperienced.
-Doesn't dress very well (mainly because of money)
-A slight speech impediment.
-Asymmetrical, unharmonious face features.
-Slight scoliosis.
-Bad posture (not always)
-Insecure, sometimes shy.
-Procrastinates in some instances.
-Has trouble setting boundaries or saying NO.
-Has trouble leading others.
-Not dominant enough or charismatic enough.
-Not direct. Sometimes passive-aggressive.
-Makes others depend too much of my time.
-Has episodes of anxiety.
-Gets sad very often (not depression).
-May become needy eventually.



 The list may change in the future.

What?. I must stop posting when I’m drunk.

Is this a sort of personal inventory? I'm trying to understand the purpose... Trying to identify strengths and weaknesses, maybe?

I wouldn't call a part time job a con, at least you have one... And it makes sense while you're attending University.

Also not owning a house... Isn't necessarily a con. Having you're own place whether you own it or you're renting is a pro, sure. But like you said you're going to school and you work part time... Most people would understand if you didn't live alone.

What did you mean by financial independence? Bc you don't work full-time or do you live with someone else while you're going to school? Or is it bc of debt... A lot of people are unhappy with their finances, and that sort of stuff can be changed. Many of the cons on your list can be.

Overall, it seems to me that you have a lot going for you. Good luck.

kaetic said:

Is this a sort of personal inventory? I'm trying to understand the purpose... Trying to identify strengths and weaknesses, maybe?

I wouldn't call a part time job a con, at least you have one... And it makes sense while you're attending University.

Also not owning a house... Isn't necessarily a con. Having you're own place whether you own it or you're renting is a pro, sure. But like you said you're going to school and you work part time... Most people would understand if you didn't live alone.

What did you mean by financial independence? Bc you don't work full-time or do you live with someone else while you're going to school? Or is it bc of debt... A lot of people are unhappy with their finances, and that sort of stuff can be changed. Many of the cons on your list can be.

Overall, it seems to me that you have a lot going for you. Good luck.

Click to expand...

Just the pros and cons for everyone to see. Look at my age, being 31 and still studying while not owning anything decreases my chances a lot. Maybe if I was 10 years younger it wouldn't matter but that's not the case. Not owning a house unequivocally means I'm not independent, so I live with my parents still. But this is not "a lot going on", not in 2019 if you want to be desirable. There are guys out there who are doing much better and they also have trouble dating. This thread is more about exposing myself honestly, but also about the demands we are facing and how times have been getting worse for the average guy.

it seems that most if not all of your "cons" can be changed & improved. you should feel VERY fortunate that you are tall & still young. being a short, unattractive male is a horrific curse that cannot be improved and has no solution- and it only gets worse as one gets older & even less attractive.

from your description of yourself, you are an above average man rather than an average one. you still have loads of time to turn things around for the better and what's more important, have been blessed with the physical attributes to do so.

Did you change your avatar to your real pic?

QuietDesperation said:

Did you change your avatar to your real pic?

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Yes and I choose a pic taken by someone else so I could be seen like people actually see me. Not a filtered pic or a pic that was taken by me, looking for the best angle. I want people to respond to me after seeing the real me, so their answers get influenced by my looks.

^Ok, interesting. But you do look kind of like David Blaine. We tend to choose avatars, subconsciously or not, who look vaguely like ourselves, or a better version of ourselves.

Could be so much worse, at least you're not NEET or clinically depressed

ardour said:

Could be so much worse, at least you're not NEET or clinically depressed

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Except for people like that who get into relationships anyway.

Sounds like you've got plenty going for you. And most of the cons are things that can be improved.

Do you think that people who know you would agree with this self-assessment? I'm not implying anything, just wanting to point that the way we see ourselves is often quite different to how other people see us.

Im being harsher with my cons than most people around me are with me. The biggest critisism I get is being too quiet and even they admit is no really a bad thing.

I might be in the minority here, but...why would you have to change anything?
You sound pretty honest with yourself. Of course, that's never totally right, it's normal to have a higher opinion of ourselves than we usually are just because we view our own reflection with our own subjective eyes. It's normal. But ignoring that for a moment, say you're 99% accurate in self description. I see several comments about "your cons are something you can work on because they aren't major" which is true, but...why? What about, you know, the alternative; dating different people until you meet the match that fits you perfectly, pros and cons included?
I don't subscribe to the idea that one needs to necessarily change or work on one's behavior on the dating scene. Happens too often and it usually don't last beyond the first couple of months of a relationship. You should only work on your cons if they ate things that bother you, as a person, for yourself, not in order the be a more attractive potential mate. I mean, I read the list and can easily see several women really liking that ( I've already commented on your appearance in the past, so I wont go there again with this pic, you sexy beast you ;-) ), but the fact that many replies have been "oh, the cons are minor" instead of "you sound like a great catch" kind of surprise me.
Is perfection now required in today's dating world? What hapoenned to " I know she's got phobias, and sleeps with thick socks on and snores, plus sleepwalks and pees in the fridge once a year, but I married her anyway"?
I think you got a lot going for you X. Play it in front of enough people and you'll land eventually on someone who even enjoys that shyness, that occasional procrastinating or the fact you don't need to pay 5 star restaurants to show a lady a good time.

Changing one's character permanently is long, hard and sometimes just not possible. Financial related stuff will eventually change sure, but what I mean is, change for you, not because of external pressure, know what I mean?

"I don't subscribe to the idea that one needs to necessarily change or work on one's behavior on the dating scene."

Clearly things can't stay as they are though. I mean he's over 30 and never had a relationship. Something's not right.
It boils down to whether you’re willing to be what the majority women want in order to increase your chances (in which case stop all the self-analysis/self-pity, start forcing yourself to be outgoing and masculine, doesn't matter if it goes against every atom in your being)... or whether you want to wait around in your 30s hoping to come across someone who will appreciate you for you. Dating into middle age is awful. I suggest you do this in your early 30s while you can still pass for young.

Richard_39 said:

I might be in the minority here, but...why would you have to change anything?
You sound pretty honest with yourself. Of course, that's never totally right, it's normal to have a higher opinion of ourselves than we usually are just because we view our own reflection with our own subjective eyes. It's normal. But ignoring that for a moment, say you're 99% accurate in self description. I see several comments about "your cons are something you can work on because they aren't major" which is true, but...why? What about, you know, the alternative; dating different people until you meet the match that fits you perfectly, pros and cons included?
I don't subscribe to the idea that one needs to necessarily change or work on one's behavior on the dating scene. Happens too often and it usually don't last beyond the first couple of months of a relationship. You should only work on your cons if they ate things that bother you, as a person, for yourself, not in order the be a more attractive potential mate. I mean, I read the list and can easily see several women really liking that ( I've already commented on your appearance in the past, so I wont go there again with this pic, you sexy beast you ;-) ), but the fact that many replies have been "oh, the cons are minor" instead of "you sound like a great catch" kind of surprise me.
Is perfection now required in today's dating world? What hapoenned to " I know she's got phobias, and sleeps with thick socks on and snores, plus sleepwalks and pees in the fridge once a year, but I married her anyway"?
I think you got a lot going for you X. Play it in front of enough people and you'll land eventually on someone who even enjoys that shyness, that occasional procrastinating or the fact you don't need to pay 5 star restaurants to show a lady a good time.

Changing one's character permanently is long, hard and sometimes just not possible. Financial related stuff will eventually change sure, but what I mean is, change for you, not because of external pressure, know what I mean?

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I would happily date people until I met someone but that's not happening, man. Have you read anything I posted here? Do I have to be perfect? What age are you? I'm guessing you were born in the 70´(?) Of course back then dating was limited by demographics and the lack of social media. There was no slut culture, no hookup culture, no dating apps, not internet. The closest thing you remember is probably those VHS tapes where you recorded a list similar to mine and had to wait until someone liked you and called you. But today it seems you have to be perfect. Every guy seems to be working out, writing a book or chasing a dream. Everyone seems to be competing for dressing better, having cooler stuff, cooler tattoos, cooler hobbies, being popular, living in the moment. No one collects stamps anymore or builds scale trains. You have to constantly try to stand out to be given a chance. Everyone is trying to date the best thing they can find I won't settle for anything less. Sure, they can say my cons are minor, but someone will PM me based on that? Some of the same people who came to a forum about loneliness and probably are also struggling with dating, I'm not even enough for them. My cons bother me because they are clearly holding me back, and not even addressing the fact that I don't look good, so stop with the bullshit. Women have gone over their way to let me know I'm not physically attractive; from an early age until now.  No isolated incidents or misunderstandings, some have literally said: "you are ugly".  Yes, I'm not a catch, not by a long shot; not by today standards anyway. I' am outgoing and masculine, thank you very much, sr... Don't give me that crap about "start doing things instead of complaining" because I've been doing honeysuckle for years now if you actually read the list. And please stop with the "eventually" bullshit. I have literally 0 experience with women, no kisses, no touching, no flirting... and you come here and say: "it will happen eventually", while I'm pushing 32 and using all my money in student loans, and then I can remember every year of my life since I was 6 until today and think about no woman has ever wanted to even hold my hand and you come here say "eventually"... like what the fresia, man?! Do you people give any thought to what you say? Do you have any sense of reality after Reagan was president? What the fresia I did to the world? Who was hurt by me? I did something bad in my past life? I just want to have someone before I get buried in a yard. Wake up with someone else next to me and maybe not be driven to insanity while the world turns into a cinder around me. I swear I've tried to take the blame and see any possibility where I was at fault, but I can't find anything. I don't deserve this, I was not asked to be born this way. fresia this life.

NM

Chill out. Im not some ******* dinosaur born in 1941. I'm barely 8 years older than you.
My comment was meant to be positive insomuch as I suggested changing some of your cons because you wanted to, not because you felt pressured to.
But, if you want to take it that way, fine by me.

I mostly agree with Xpendable, Richard. It might only be 8 years, but you sound like an older man with a normal relationship history who doesn't have a clue and doesn't want to get one. He's 32 ffs. You talk there are all like these options available. For eg. the option to change only what he wants to and still find someone?! Clueless.

How could you even begin to grasp what it's like to be a shy, quiet/introverted, completely inexperienced male in his 30's?

Forgotten.