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I'm terrified of the loneliness.
#1
As stated in the title, I am absolutely terrified of ending up alone. However, I feel as though that will be the case. So, from a young age I was socially awkward. I haven't had many people who I considered my friends. And every one of them, every single one, has betrayed me in one way or another. Whether that be telling my secrets to other people, blatantly lying to my face, or just cutting me off completely. I feel as though I can't ever make a real friend. And I am so lonely, it hurts so much and I have recently started having panic attacks again.

So, it started in little school, I befriended a young boy, the same age as me, and I liked him. Another boy come up to us and for whatever reason turned me against my friend. I can't quite remember what happened or why, but I spent next 10 years bullying him, and he was probably the only true friend I ever had. This new boy was a year younger than me, he was my best friend at the time and we had 4 others (all a year younger than me), who used to follow us around and such. I think they were just scared of me though and didn't really like me. I told my best friend a secret, which he later shouted to the entire school. It was of my feelings for a girl, which made me feel very embarrassed at the time. I hung out with him until the end of little school where we split up as he was a year younger, but I never trusted him again.

As I went up to high school, I made a new friend. A friend I trusted my life with. A friend who would later lie to my face and not even care about it. Throughout high school there were three others who I called my friends, I was rather mean to them sometimes and so I can understand if they didn't really like me that much. I was still very immature by the time I left high school at 15, and so it is understandable if they didn't like me much. My best friend at this point was like me though, so I felt like we were good friends. He later lied straight to my face, and even disclosed the lie days later while talking with someone else (while I was standing next to him). I never trusted him again and after school we quickly lost touch. Which perhaps was a good thing as it let me mature and grow as a person.

I went to college, and made a new friend. Just one. We spent a lot of time together, and we go along well. We stayed for a second year, which is where the problems arose. It was all fine, until another guy befriended us, it was alright, everything was going swimmingly, until one day, I turn up for college and I try to speak with them, they both tell me "Shut up and go away". Okay, once is a joke, right? Well I tried speaking with them several times throughout the morning (at least 10) and got the same response every time. At lunch time, I did exactly that. I walked off alone, they followed me and saw me crying, they said t was just a joke. One time is a joke. 10 times is beyond a joke. I didn't speak with them all that much after that.

After I left college I did nothing. All I have done for the past 5 years is sit in my room. Surprisingly I haven't really gained that much weight. But after all this, I meet someone else (or rather, my brother got a girlfriend) who then befriended me. I go to meet her family, who are all nice. They make me feel comfortable, and welcomed. We do things together, I stay at their house. Over the last few months that I've known everyone, they helped me become a slightly better person, to believe in myself a little more, and gave me a little bit of confidence and hope (which I have none of and haven't had in a very long time). Today,  they gave me a bs excuse and cut me out of their lives. I can't understand why.

I should note that while at college I matured a lot, perhaps I'm still very immature in certain ways, but overall I think I am much more mature than most in my generation. I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke tobacco, I don't use drugs of any kind. I have no interests in anything. The only thing I like to do is spend time with others. I am a people pleaser, I will actively try to please others and I would consider myself one of the nicest people in the world. (Yes, I understand that people who say that they are nice can sometimes not be nice at all, and that it is because they have a twisted sense of reality) I always put others before myself, and I am very generous. I would move Heaven and Earth, walk through Hell and back, and sacrifice myself for a friend in need.

I realize I've left a lot of information out, but if you want to know any more, just ask and I shall answer. I am seeking advice on what I should do next, how I can cope with the pain of knowing I do not have any friends, and due to my trust issues, I probably never will. I am a coward, and always have been, which is the only reason why I'm alive today, because I didn't have the guts to do it. But I know, that won't save me forever. Eventually the pain will be too great, and I will commit suicide. I am 23 years of age right now and I have no clue what to do.
The loneliest people are the kindest.
The saddest people smile the brightest.
The most damaged people are the wisest.
All because they do not wish to see others suffer the way they do.


It takes the smartest individuals to realize there is always more to learn.


“The day the power of love overrules the love of power, the world will know peace.” Mahatma Gandhi.
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#2
Don’t be terrified of the loneliness.

Choose computer games, music, fannying around on the Internet.

Choose books, studying, having a car and an LED tv.

Choose holidays in the Maldives.

Better than ending up with a nagging partner at the age of 30.

I choose fannying around on the Internet. Ok the sex isn’t great, but the sex was never that great.
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#3
some wise quotes at the bottom of your post. why not follow that wisdom

become a monk. then you can learn to abandon the need for other people
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#4
(07-10-2019, 07:50 AM)Omnipotent Soul Wrote: As stated in the title, I am absolutely terrified of ending up alone. However, I feel as though that will be the case. So, from a young age I was socially awkward. I haven't had many people who I considered my friends. And every one of them, every single one, has betrayed me in one way or another. Whether that be telling my secrets to other people, blatantly lying to my face, or just cutting me off completely. I feel as though I can't ever make a real friend. And I am so lonely, it hurts so much and I have recently started having panic attacks again.

So, it started in little school, I befriended a young boy, the same age as me, and I liked him. Another boy come up to us and for whatever reason turned me against my friend. I can't quite remember what happened or why, but I spent next 10 years bullying him, and he was probably the only true friend I ever had. This new boy was a year younger than me, he was my best friend at the time and we had 4 others (all a year younger than me), who used to follow us around and such. I think they were just scared of me though and didn't really like me. I told my best friend a secret, which he later shouted to the entire school. It was of my feelings for a girl, which made me feel very embarrassed at the time. I hung out with him until the end of little school where we split up as he was a year younger, but I never trusted him again.

As I went up to high school, I made a new friend. A friend I trusted my life with. A friend who would later lie to my face and not even care about it. Throughout high school there were three others who I called my friends, I was rather mean to them sometimes and so I can understand if they didn't really like me that much. I was still very immature by the time I left high school at 15, and so it is understandable if they didn't like me much. My best friend at this point was like me though, so I felt like we were good friends. He later lied straight to my face, and even disclosed the lie days later while talking with someone else (while I was standing next to him). I never trusted him again and after school we quickly lost touch. Which perhaps was a good thing as it let me mature and grow as a person.

I went to college, and made a new friend. Just one. We spent a lot of time together, and we go along well. We stayed for a second year, which is where the problems arose. It was all fine, until another guy befriended us, it was alright, everything was going swimmingly, until one day, I turn up for college and I try to speak with them, they both tell me "Shut up and go away". Okay, once is a joke, right? Well I tried speaking with them several times throughout the morning (at least 10) and got the same response every time. At lunch time, I did exactly that. I walked off alone, they followed me and saw me crying, they said t was just a joke. One time is a joke. 10 times is beyond a joke. I didn't speak with them all that much after that.

After I left college I did nothing. All I have done for the past 5 years is sit in my room. Surprisingly I haven't really gained that much weight. But after all this, I meet someone else (or rather, my brother got a girlfriend) who then befriended me. I go to meet her family, who are all nice. They make me feel comfortable, and welcomed. We do things together, I stay at their house. Over the last few months that I've known everyone, they helped me become a slightly better person, to believe in myself a little more, and gave me a little bit of confidence and hope (which I have none of and haven't had in a very long time). Today,  they gave me a bs excuse and cut me out of their lives. I can't understand why.

I should note that while at college I matured a lot, perhaps I'm still very immature in certain ways, but overall I think I am much more mature than most in my generation. I don't drink alcohol, I don't smoke tobacco, I don't use drugs of any kind. I have no interests in anything. The only thing I like to do is spend time with others. I am a people pleaser, I will actively try to please others and I would consider myself one of the nicest people in the world. (Yes, I understand that people who say that they are nice can sometimes not be nice at all, and that it is because they have a twisted sense of reality) I always put others before myself, and I am very generous. I would move Heaven and Earth, walk through Hell and back, and sacrifice myself for a friend in need.

I realize I've left a lot of information out, but if you want to know any more, just ask and I shall answer. I am seeking advice on what I should do next, how I can cope with the pain of knowing I do not have any friends, and due to my trust issues, I probably never will. I am a coward, and always have been, which is the only reason why I'm alive today, because I didn't have the guts to do it. But I know, that won't save me forever. Eventually the pain will be too great, and I will commit suicide. I am 23 years of age right now and I have no clue what to do.

I find your screen name interesting - omnipotent - that means that you have unlimited power - do you believe that?  Personally, I believe the only One who is omnipotent is God, Himself.  And, I also believe that you need Him!  Do you have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ?  If not, I would love to chat with you more about that and what it can mean to your life.  If you do, then you need to tap into HIS power rather than trying to do life on your own.  There is no reason a healthy 23 year old should be even considering suicide.  Please feel free to PM!
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#5
I don't like to be lonely. What can I do though? Truth is, I find things to entertain me, a little at least.

Do you have any hobbies? Do you like to read? Any youtubers you follow, youtube shows? Do you like movies? What did you study at college, and why? (Do you still like it?) Do you have a job? Every day work is very important to me, because it makes me go out.
Hello. I'm Gustavo. (If you call me Gus, it's all right too.)
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#6
(07-15-2019, 01:10 AM)GustavusMacer Wrote: I don't like to be lonely. What can I do though? Truth is, I find things to entertain me, a little at least.

Do you have any hobbies? Do you like to read? Any youtubers you follow, youtube shows? Do you like movies? What did you study at college, and why? (Do you still like it?) Do you have a job? Every day work is very important to me, because it makes me go out.

And that’s good, I’d love to work again, but no one will employ me and physically and mentally I can’t do the work.

But I wish you all the success.
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#7
(07-15-2019, 01:25 AM)Puddled Duck Wrote: And that’s good, I’d love to work again, but no one will employ me and physically and mentally I can’t do the work.

But I wish you all the success.

I need a new job though. One that pays me so I can have a life. (I live with my parents because I can't afford my own place.)
Hello. I'm Gustavo. (If you call me Gus, it's all right too.)
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#8
(07-15-2019, 01:48 AM)GustavusMacer Wrote:
(07-15-2019, 01:25 AM)Puddled Duck Wrote: And that’s good, I’d love to work again, but no one will employ me and physically and mentally I can’t do the work.

But I wish you all the success.

I need a new job though. One that pays me so I can have a life. (I live with my parents because I can't afford my own place.)

You can do it, it’s not easy, finding a new job is not easy, a lot of uncertainty comes with it, but you can do it, in time, enjoy your hobbies, it is not easy living with your folks, there are privacy issues.

You can do it, you can take life by the short and curlies and do it.

Oh and by the way ‘marriage is a sexual union’, do you agree?, imagine a great job, imagine great sex with your wife/husband, children/family. Imagine a nice little apartment together. For the rest of your entire life. Till death do you part.

You can do it!, sieze the day, it might take you years, but sieze the day.

Remember, it’s what you want?, anal?, well that’s fine by me.
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#9
Remember it’s what YOU WANT!, not what your partner wants!.

Not what I WANT!.

You go down that road, it’s a slippery slope, that ends with ME!.
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#10
Omnipotent Soul, your history of friendships does sound disappointing, but know that there are reasonable solutions.  Really, your current situation is neither tragic nor irreparable.  Let me start by reminding you that 23 is a very young age.  Your time of maturing and getting your life on a good track lies ahead, not behind.  If you sit inside for another 5 or 10 years, you'll not find that track.  If you get out and pursue the right social life and relationships, your past school years will become irrelevant. So, what to do?

I disagree strongly with those who would encourage you to stay home and pursue an anti-social life.  While this may be a method for some to cope with or endure life, it's not a treatment or solution to living life appropriately and fully.  This seems even more apparent for you, since you claim to be a person who likes and needs people.  I think that puts you in far better shape than many others, including some of my own friends who prefer to be alone.  Regardless of your past lost friendships, which we all have, or any strange personality traits, which we all have, I believe you have high prospects for getting your life on track with many new relationships.  Only a few of these go on to become friendships, but its important to make the initial contacts that offer such potential.  So, what to do?

Your personality and potential interests may dictate what you're willing to check out and try, but a little time on the internet and in the yellow pages should lead you to a number of options. Some night clubs and bars can be good places when you go early, its not crowded or noisy, and you can easily strike up a conversation with someone sitting next to you. There's usually other bored guys sitting around doing the same thing, and being the first one to break the ice more often than not yields a conversation.  If you go to the same place every week, you begin to recognize faces, strike up conversations with them more easily, and open the door to possible friendships.  This is just one of many avenues for you to pursue simultaneously, not a sole solution.  Local social clubs and outdoor sports clubs are another option to pursue.  There, you'll certainly meet people and probably have a choice of those that seem more receptive to you. Personally, I've found going to a gym faithfully 3 times a week yields many familiar faces to say hi to.  It doesn't take long for these hi's to turn into conversations, and with time you learn who's friend potential.  I think another good option is to volunteer somewhere - at a place full of people you'll see regularly.  There, you'll get pleasant social interaction with other volunteers, as well as potential interaction with any customers.  These are all organized or structured environments, where the toughest part is just going to a certain place, showing up, and feeling solo awkward for a time or two. But, invested time generally pays off with repeat contacts that develop into some form of relationship. The same thing can be accomplished on a smaller scale just by going to a park or waterfront where people take their walks or hang out.  The key is to keep a schedule so that you see some familiar faces after awhile.  That's what makes speaking up and being sociable doable.  And most people with dogs make prime targets for social contact in such places.

LonelyHeart2674 raises a final, important, related point.  Whether you succeed with the above social outreach goals or not, your sense of identity, self worth, and purpose in life is best shaped by the relationship with your Creator.  When you have that relationship right, you'll find opportunities to develop relationships with others. In fact, I'd suggest that the easiest, most effective way you could get your life on track would be to join a good Christian church that has small groups and weekly activities.  Here, you can find people who are likely to be welcoming, accepting, and friendly. If you try at all to look at people, smile, and say hi, it'll be hard not to acquire many new relationships, with some probably having serious friend potential.  Now listen to this final point. You needn't be a Christian or have your life all together to go to church and explore the social prospects.  Just be sure to choose a church carefully so that any influence is from a proper faith. There are right and wrong places to be, and like smoking and drugs, its best not to start a bad habit.

I hope this gives you some food for thought.
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