Thread Rating:
  • 1 Vote(s) - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Lonely, worthless, I am close to giving up.
#1
Hi.. 

So. I am a 27 year old guy. I have lived most my life dealing with problems.  Since I was at least 10 my parents had huge alcohol and mental problems and i could write a book about all the fucked up things that went along with that but not now.

Right now what I am dealing most with is loneliness. I have not realised this about myself before last 2 years but I am so so lonely. 

I have never had a GF. I have dated a few but they ran away like everything else in my life. Everyone I have ever gotten close to has either tricked me, abandomned me or died. I am actually very tired of everyone around me dying as well. A good friend of mine hung himself out of the blue 6 years ago. My two favorite uncles who cared for me when all the shit was going down at home died of cancer. All my grandparents died when I was young.

My father drank himself to death 3 years ago left me sitting with a horrible feeling of not helping him enough. And my cousing who I was getting real close and could open up to who REALLY cared for me and listened to me died 4 months ago i an accident.

So what I am left with is a mother who is alcoholic and mentally crazy making such a hell for me and is so extremely negative. 

I have a sister I do t connect with anymore. I do have a goos relationship with her kids though. 

And my oldest sister who I actually can talk to.

I have tons of frienda but I dont really connect with them. 

The girls I have tried to date leaves after a while. Last one of 3 montha dating left for another guy and left me shattered. 
I just got a text from a friend that theyre having a get together and invited me butwhat the hell am i gonna do there at a couples party. Sit there alone like a fucking loser who cant get a gf? 

It really bothers me. All my friends are always saying qhen are u gonna get a gf? Youd be a perfect bf etc.

But no one will ever want me. 

I just feel so lonely. Even when I am with friends I feel all alone inside my head. 

I should just give up maybe. Quit my job and follow the family tradition of drinking myself to death. 

Just pathetic really.
Reply
#2
Be the person you can be.

Forget everyone else.
Reply
#3
Norken, I'm surprised that more people here haven't jumped in to offer support and advice like usual.  Perhaps your life and situation does sound too discouraging and they're afraid to touch it.  I guess that leaves room for me to do so, which means you're stuck with the Christian who's always offering solutions that few here ever seem to want.

Coming from a dysfunctional, unloving family myself that has no interest in me or my life and still being single at retirement age, I understand what it's like to be lonely.  It's a significant burden in life that many people endure, but there are several factors to consider beyond just wishing for a girlfriend.

Unlike others who often say that love comes when you're not looking for it or expecting it (as in the movies), I've found this to never be the case for me.  The more active I've become at getting out and assertively approaching any girl I might be attracted to, the more relationship prospects I've had, resulting in a few girlfriends along the way.  I still maintain that an attractive girl can go through life without being assertive, as guys will approach her and provide her with relationship opportunities.  On the other hand, a shy, strange, or average looking guy can't do the same; he must do the reaching out. So, I encourage you to recognize, appreciate, and use your youth and prime age to get out in various ways and make it a personal vow to approach girls when opportunity arises.  This may require you to get out of your comfort zone as I had to do myself long ago when I hit a loneliness climax.  For me, I took dance lessons, went to a good, friendly, country bar several nights a week, and forced myself to ask one new girl to dance each night - a first in my life at age 35.  It ended up breaking me out of my shell, establishing some friendships, and gaining a wonderful 3 year girlfriend relationship.  It was just one avenue option, but a good one, because unlike typical nightclubs with stuck up girls who may or may not say yes when you ask for a dance, both sexes in a country bar are taught that proper etiquette is to generally say yes to anyone who asks for a dance.  It's a friendlier, safer environment than you'll find in any disco nightclub scene.

A second avenue I highly recommend for being active is to work the on-line dating scene.  So many people who know little about it distrust it, but I've found the arena is far bigger and easier to navigate than the real world of limited contacts around you.  Don't cheat yourself by using only the free sites with limited usage.  Work 3, 4, or 5 sites at one time and don't be afraid to put a little money into a yearly subscription. I've been playing this game for 30 years, and though it's never yielded me my Miss Right yet, I have enjoyed viewing tens of thousands of prospects and communicating with hundreds of them - far more than possible otherwise. This has not only increased my pool of prospects and number of female encounters, it has served as very cheap entertainment and therapy for lonely nights at home.  It's fun to look and actually be able to initiate a hello without feeling shy or awkward.

Despite your discouraging past with girlfriends, you have 20+ more years of prime physical attractiveness left in you.  So don't accept a defeatist attitude.  Gain some optimism by becoming more active in your pursuits.  You can't make it happen, but you can significantly increase your odds by accessing a pool of thousands per year rather than a hundred or less, and you can force yourself to go out to places and practice being more assertive.  This all takes effort, but its far more likely to yield success, or a more interesting life at the very least, than staying at home or nurturing an anti-social life.

Now, on to a second, even more important issue I perceive in your post.  You may or may not ever find a mate in life that fulfills you enough to negate your feelings of loneliness and other losses.  Ultimately, life is about all kinds of relationships, but the first and most important is knowing and loving the LORD - your Creator and Savior who will ultimately love you more than any girl, family member, or friend.  If you don't get this right, you'll likely struggle with your own self identity, self worth, and purpose in life regardless of whether you're single or married.  I'd suggest that assessing the disturbing path of your family members should prompt you to want to seek out a different, better path in life - just as I chose to do with my own family and life.  The path of a Christian is one that will give you peace, love, joy, and understanding in so many ways - making you a stronger, better person in the process. It'll also give you the guidance and strength we all need in life to face its never ending series of problems, questions, and challenges. Finally, a good church with small groups can provide needed acceptance, social contacts, inevitable friendships, and even potential girlfriends.  I'd start pondering that idea seriously if you're not already there. Meanwhile, I think this video is applicable for you and worth your time.  Yes, it's a sermon, but you should find it interesting, entertaining, and helpful. 

 https://youtu.be/GWK-zbsmNlw
        
Reply
#4
First, stop feeling guilty about your dad.  There's nothing you could have done.  It was his choice.  The same with your mother.  I know what it is like to deal with alcoholic family and you can't help until they want help.  Everything you try to do before that point will only make things worse.  
Have you ever looked into alanon?  It's like alcoholics anonymous, only for the family of the alcoholic. They can teach you how to do with things.  While a lot of people think it is religious, it's really not.  It may be worth looking into if you haven't already.  They even have forums and chat rooms online if you like that option better.  


Now for lack of close people in your life, could you maybe have closed yourself off so that people can't get close to you?  Like a coping mechanism for all the people that have left you for whatever reason?  Maybe you could try to get closer to your sister that you don't talk to.
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM 
[Image: 68694043_2341967022788228_46455155003665...Ng%3D%3D.2]
Reply
#5
Oops.  I reposted the last message unintentionally.  Ignore this one.
Reply
#6
You might have pushed those girls away with your neediness, or you might have just been unlucky with them, impossible to say from your post.

This is one of the few situations where I’d recommend therapy though because of what’s gone on in your background. You're not responsible for your parent's drinking or their attittude towards their son, but you probably don't believe that. Do nothing about it and you might have similar problems 37.
Reply
#7
I wouldn't say it's time to give up, if there is ever such a time. I won't be much for advice or consolation, unfortunately. I find myself in circumstances I've never been in before myself. I used to be a very hopeful person who would get glimpses of beauty from time to time that would give me shivers and bring me to tears. I haven't felt anything but a grey numbness and mostly negative emotions and no desires beyond ephemeral pleasures of the moment.

I suppose for me, I just keep going. I'm not really suicidal. I just feel like my, 'self', is gone. I do realize that, certain states of mind, can color the whole world, everything you see and do, in nothing but black and white; but, I know that's not how the world is. The world is filled with luminous colors of all kinds.

I suppose I won't offer suggestions and all that, as if anyone did so for me, I probably wouldn't listen. But, I do know that, 'my', lonliness won't find a solution in my room. I need to get out into the world. I need to be vulnerable, take risks again. I need to put myself out there, on multiple different fronts. The fish won't bite if my line isn't in the water. However, I'm afraid to get out there. I'm afraid of what others would think of me. I'm afraid of making mistakes or being weird, awkward, etc..

So, sorry to hear about your past and circumstances. There is a chatroom here; but, this website and the chatroom don't seem to be as busy as they used to be. For some time, in my past, I relied on internet socializing to get me through my lack of actual social relationships. Anywho good luck to you. As they say, if you are going through hell, keep going. And the night is the darkest before day. There is school and work. Sometimes you can meet people that way. Then there are social groups; meetup.com and stuff like that. And, sometimes, you just bump into some cool folks that end up being friends; but, I know for me, I'm not going to make any new friends in my room, not changing anything about my life. It's just, I'm not ready to go back out there again, or something. I used to love and enjoy being alone for most of my life; but, it's hard when your own self is not company enough. You feel empty, void, and missing something; and, it can be hard to find something to make one feel whole again with nothing more than casual, for the moment, social encounters; but, you have to start somewhere... Not starting at all is the problem.

Good luck.
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard inner battle."
-Namu Amida Butsu
--Hippo Sad
---May your jimmies be forever unrustled...
----"At fifteen life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance, especially if one had no choice." -Maya Angelou
-----"Lack of personal justice does not excuse one's own ignorance.  Do not be blinded by the wrongs done to you, lest you stumble and wrong others."
------"...There's jazz going on..." -Alan Watts
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  So lonely Basten 10 723 09-16-2019, 11:00 PM
Last Post: Diagnosed
  Lonely because of your principles Serenia 46 5,044 08-12-2019, 01:39 AM
Last Post: ahsatan
  Married and Lonely seeking friends tangy002 56 99,771 08-05-2019, 06:04 AM
Last Post: Black Manta
  Lonely Lonely Lonely Time humourless 1 591 06-23-2019, 09:51 PM
Last Post: Sci-Fi
  Scams That Prey On the Lonely Minus 73 92,984 06-13-2019, 08:12 AM
Last Post: PandaSwag
  Lonely Londoner Fomolone 4 1,032 06-11-2019, 12:18 AM
Last Post: BrettyBoy
  Lonely because of failed romance Sker01 3 1,048 05-24-2019, 05:11 PM
Last Post: Adrian7878
  Married life. Parts are great. Other parts are endlessly lonely. ARGH! Quietsoulseeker 4 1,121 05-12-2019, 02:33 PM
Last Post: Broken heart
  lonely right now Bluesunshineday 9 1,139 04-18-2019, 12:28 PM
Last Post: graceforeverandever
  What is the soundtrack to your lonely life? redbeard 44 9 2,366 04-09-2019, 09:56 AM
Last Post: IncolaVacui

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)