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Hey everyone
Hey everyone my name is Shadi and I am a 24 year old male.I came here as a possible last resort to connect with anyone so here is my story, I am fat with no friends, no girlfriend, no job despite trying to get one for a long time, college is like a prison and I am struggling like hell even though I am trying to succeed. I would love to end this miserable life but I do not want to upset my parents and siblings. I know that most things if not all of them are up to me to fix but I got burned so many times trying to get something out of this miserable life. At best the friends that I tried to make eventually forgot me, some of them I can blame and some of them I cant blame and at worst these so called friends used me for their personal gain and I like a fool fell for it. Every year since middle school I always try to tell myself to cheer up and try improving my life and always focus on what I have rather regret what I dont have. Since 14 years old I struggled to make friends whether its in college or school. Some of my failures of making friends are related to me not being one of the cool dudes. I dont drink or smoke which turns off a lot of people and makes them think that I am just a good boy that does not know how to have fun. I have never had a girlfriend despite trying to date and interacting more with girls but eventually every girl just turned me down mostly for 2 reasons which are because I am ugly and because they think I have nothing to offer. The more I tried with girls, the more I knew that a lot of people perceive me as an ugly person and not just girls. I have struggled with my weight my entire life I lost a lot of weight 2 years ago only to gain it all back from lack of motivation to workout and pure depression and hopelessness. Right now I just feel so empty, not happy, not sad, just empty and honestly not willing to wake up tomorrow. After failing to connect with someone and because of sheer loneliness and depression I started watching a lot of porn despite not liking porn in the first place, its just a symptom of hopelessness in that it became an addiction because I couldn't find anyone to hangout with so instead I watch porn a lot. Dont know what to do and I wish  l could just delete these painful memories but I cant.
Thanks for reading this long post and god bless ya.
anyone here from Israel ?

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