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So Today I...
#1
So, I never liked talking about my depression and anxiety. Hated opening up. Men keep that shit in, right. Then, I met someone who encouraged me to open up. In time, she became my best friend. She is a truly incredible human being and I love her very much. However, last night, she revealed to me that recently, my talking about my depression and the anxiety it caused me, always at her request, has caused her feel frustration with me, to feel I don't appreciate all she has done for me and that she will never get through to me. The past month has been a particularly bad episode for me. I have needed a bit more support and reassurance. However, she informed me, despite my constantly ignored attempts to protect her from my depression, that depression hurts the people around the sufferer and I had been hurting her lately. Now, going from talking every day, she wants to talk less. Feels it will be good for both of us. She assures me she isn't leaving, that I am still her best friend and that she wants me to keep opening up, but can't deny it is frustrating her, though she is willing to bear that frustration for me. 

Lying in bed last night, the suicidal thoughts that I have had for years and have been growing steadily worse in the past month, became very intense. I thought I had pushed someone else away, lost someone else I loved because I wasn't strong enough to protect them from my issues, and that their wanting to distance themselves was the beginning of the inevitable end. As my job relies on her boyfriend and I being on good terms, and feeling that impending sense of dread, I was about to do something when my partner woke up and spoke to me. She listened to me for a good 45 minutes in the middle of the night despite having to be up for work first thing. I went to sleep with a new resolution.

So, today I took a day off work, went to my doctor, told them I was suicidal and was prescribed anti-depressant medication. I am going to look into counselling again, preferably private this time as the NHS services are abysmal, and I am going to try a new method of fighting this illness. All my life, I thought anti-depressants would make me weak. No one else. Just me. I don't judge others the way I judge myself. Today, I decided to try something new to at least attempt to fix the broken mess. I don't want to hurt the people around me anymore.
I held death's hand this evening.
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#2
It sounds like your inner strength is stronger than you gave it credit for.
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#3
Thank you.
I held death's hand this evening.
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#4
You are welcome.
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#5
(07-24-2019, 12:44 AM)jean-vic Wrote: I don't want to hurt the people around me anymore.

Here we go again.

So you murdered someone or was it rape?, a violent physical assault?

Well it was none of them was it?.

So you haven’t really hurt someone, have you?

As far as this incredible human being, she’s cured cancer?, right?, ground breaking research in something?, right?. Or is she incredible and you ‘love’ her because she a bit ‘hot’ or something and will actually listen to your bollocks.

So let’s get this right, you laid in bed with your partner?, right?, and sat there thinking about some sort of other woman who you loved, whilst she’s probably shagging her boyfriend or something?. and sort of woke your partner and she listened to this for 45 minutes?.

And you held deaths hand this evening?. We’ll hold your partners hand instead, this woman who you sleep with whilst thinking of other women who you ‘love’.

You have a partner, who you sleep with outside of marriage well whilst thinking of other women. Ever thought about thinking about your partner, when your in bed with her, possibly after sex.

Do you ever think about your partner?. Because if you don’t do it soon you are going to hurt her, forget your ‘bit on the side’, who seems to be bored of listening to you.

(07-24-2019, 10:55 AM)Bored Wrote: It sounds like your inner strength is stronger than you gave it credit for.

Why does it?

If you ask me it sounds like his partners inner strength should be commended.

He just spends all his time thinking about another woman.

And she takes this utter bollocks!. 

Why can’t I find a woman like that?.
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#6
(08-29-2019, 06:31 AM)Puddled Duck Wrote: ...Why can’t I find a woman like that?..

Many people don't want to spend time with people that are more destructive than constructive. In words or deeds. A person can have all the answers in the world, but if they have a shitty attitude, people aren't all that interested in what they might have to say.
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#7
(08-29-2019, 07:29 AM)RovoR Wrote:
(08-29-2019, 06:31 AM)Puddled Duck Wrote: ...Why can’t I find a woman like that?..

Many people don't want to spend time with people that are more destructive than constructive. In words or deeds. A person can have all the answers in the world, but if they have a shitty attitude, people aren't all that interested in what they might have to say.

Right, so she’s with him because he’s constructive, how is he constructive?. He sort of holds the hand of death constantly. It doesn’t sound very constructive. So, his partner is sitting there at 3am whilst he holds the hands of death and twats on about another woman who he loves and this gets this woman ‘hot’?. If you said ‘well maybe he’s got a 12 inch cock’ I might have listened, but really?.

Having a heart attack is holding the hand of death, GAD on top of heart attack is holding the hand of death, for me 30 times a day on average, for 5 years!. fifteen minutes under electrocution followed by 4 months sectioned on a mental health ward is holding the hand of death. 

It’s a depression forum, if I wanted constructive, I think the last place I’d come to is a depression forum. Self absorbed perhaps, but not constructive.

And let’s get this right, this person has a job and a loving partner at home?, right?, how the effects of the depression must be too much to bear,  how does he cope. The terrible effect depression has had on him. And there are sort of friends for life women who are prepared to listen to his bollocks and private medical and perhaps the odd weekend away as a break from the depression. How the depression, how the suicide it’s too much, I don’t know how I keep going at work and going home to loving partner and sit there with a woman I love a friend for life and will attend the private medical clinics and do the weekends away and have the great sex and eat the nice meals the loving wife cooks and been going on for 10 years.

But how the depression, how the depression, how the pay packet at the end of the month, but how the depression, how the Sunday lunches, but how the depression, how the sex, how the car, how the depression, how the week in Majorca, how the depression, how the promotion at work, how the depression, how the Christmas’s, how the depression.
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#8
I was answering the question you asked, the one that I quoted. I wasn't referring to OP.
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#9
(08-29-2019, 10:03 AM)RovoR Wrote: I was answering the question you asked, the one that I quoted. I wasn't referring to OP.

But the woman in question (or like her) is in a relationship with the OP.

This woman chose a man, well the OP, I effectively say why not me, you say well maybe she likes men who are constructive, well that’s the OP, because she’s in a relationship with him.

You do know what a relationship is?, don’t you?, it’s very dodgy using the word relationship on here, because only 5 percent of the forum have been in one.

I want a woman exactly like the woman the OP has, because any woman prepared to listen to his utter bollocks for 45 minutes, will certainly put up with mine for life.

I can’t any woman’s stupid enough to listen to your bollocks RovoR.
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#10
Love and sex are not the same thing. He said he loves his friend... That doesn't necessarily mean he wants to sleep with her, though the part about being on good terms with her boyfriend... Makes you wonder why he wouldn't be.

I might not appreciate having a boyfriend/husband who woke me up to tell me about some girl who hurt his feelings so badly that he's losing sleep over it... Regardless of the relationship he has/ or doesn't have with this girl. I agree the partner deserves some praise and maybe a little gratitude for not getting upset about the situation and instead staying up and talking it out with him. Being thankful for what you do have is not bad advice.

That being said, I'm glad the op is finally getting the help he needs. It does take a certain amount of bravery to ask for help.
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