Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
My problem with perfectionism
#1
Hi everyone,
I'm a 30 year old woman and I have a problem with perfectionism which is making me unable to make any real changes in my life. I'm single and I can't find a job because I get anxious and scared of being criticized. It all started when I was 17, I went to college, I was very optimistic, never knew what  "depression" was at all! I had a fight with my roommate ( I asked her to lower the radio volume because I couldn't concentrate but she didn't do it) and that had a very bad impact on me, I couldn't concentrate anymore on my studies, was depressed, always crying, had low self esteem and God knows how much I struggled emotionally to finally obtain my diploma. But I was still feeling like I wasn't smart enough, I was so anxious that I couldn't even apply for a job, always thinking that I'm not going to do well in interviews and scared of the thought of being rejected. I even started taking free online courses to compensate what I thought I missed in college. Then, I started feeling bad about how I look, my mild acne just made things worse. Although, I know deep inside that I'm not ugly but I'm so harsh on myself, I'm always keeping myself down, add to this that I'm a bit thin and don't look like I'm 30, people often think that I am considerably younger than I am, I don't know if I should consider this as a compliment but honestly I don't like it, I just wanna look my age, I'm a woman, not a girl!
I'd like to know how to deal with this and be happy with myself the way I am and really start living and making some real progress! Your tips are more than welcome!
Reply
#2
Did you get through college and are you working now?
Reply
#3
Self criticism is a really common thing, and in my experience it's very rarely accurate. Nobody is perfect and trying to attain or uphold some sort of "perfection" is actually an anchor that stops people getting places and causes loads of stress. Too much thinking is a bad thing (I know from experience) and waiting for the the "perfect job" or waiting to be "perfectly qualified" will just make thing drag on. Chances are that if you have enough brains to be worrying about this stuff it means you're pretty well qualified for many jobs, best approach is to apply and see what happens. Don't spook yourself into not applying. Again from experience I know that there is a kind of "second thought-itis" that makes us convince ourselves that what we are going for isn't right or that we won't be wanted etc etc, but in the end it's important to stop thinking and just go for it.

I would also say don't worry about looking younger, as you get older it's a distinct advantage to look younger and frankly in relation to jobs your age is on the paper so they should already see you as someone with enough maturity.
Reply
#4
Hey sana,

I know exactly how you feel as i was struggling with similar issues for a long time. It has gotten a lot better for me but im not fully there yet. It is a process that takes time but with the right understanding it is something that can be changed.
I read this book and it was really a game changer for me, you should check it out: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/108865759...023&sr=1-1
Let me know if it helps.
Reply
#5
Hi there,

Just want to say I'm sorry for how much you've struggled with all of this. It sounds like you're stronger than you think -- despite all the ways you felt you got your diploma and pushed forward anyway. And I know firsthand how stressful roommate fights can be. I'm sure you're an incredibly smart and beautiful person, and I really hope you can start seeing that in yourself. Blessings!
Reply
#6
(08-07-2019, 10:17 PM)Sana Wrote: Thank you all for taking time to read and reply. I appreciate it. Bless you all.
Reply
#7
(08-10-2019, 04:57 PM)Black Manta Wrote: Did you get through college and are you working now?

Yes, I have a dipolma in chemical engineering. I'm not working now but when I got my diploma in 2012, I worked for 6 months in a company then quit because it made me feel worse, more low self esteem. I didn't feel like learning anything new, there was no development. I wasn't feeling good after that, I was really tired, I didn't apply for any job until 2015, I started looking in the government sector, always studying, sitting for exams but no job yet lol. I don't know but I get so scared of interviews, I really do, end up throwing up, thinking negatively all night  before an interview, that's why I avoid the private jobs although my chances of getting hired are higher than state jobs.

(08-10-2019, 09:11 PM)Yeti1980 Wrote: Self criticism is a really common thing, and in my experience it's very rarely accurate. Nobody is perfect and trying to attain or uphold some sort of "perfection" is actually an anchor that stops people getting places and causes loads of stress. Too much thinking is a bad thing (I know from experience) and waiting for the the "perfect job" or waiting to be "perfectly qualified" will just make thing drag on. Chances are that if you have enough brains to be worrying about this stuff it means you're pretty well qualified for many jobs, best approach is to apply and see what happens. Don't spook yourself into not applying. Again from experience I know that there is a kind of "second thought-itis" that makes us convince ourselves that what we are going for isn't right or that we won't be wanted etc etc, but in the end it's important to stop thinking and just go for it.

I would also say don't worry about looking younger, as you get older it's a distinct advantage to look younger and frankly in relation to jobs your age is on the paper so they should already see you as someone with enough maturity.

This is what I'm going to do because I'm really sick of the whole situation I'm in. I'm going to start applying for private jobs and don't care what happens, it's not going to be worse than the stressful life I'm stuck in it. I do think a lot and my thinking ends up being negative and holds me back. I'm going to try to change. Thank you.
Reply
#8
(08-13-2019, 12:19 AM)Jamess5253 Wrote: Hey sana,

I know exactly how you feel as i was struggling with similar issues for a long time. It has gotten a lot better for me but im not fully there yet. It is a process that takes time but with the right understanding it is something that can be changed.
I read this book and it was really a game changer for me, you should check it out: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/108865759...023&sr=1-1
Let me know if it helps.

Thank you, I'm gonna read it and definitely tell you if it helps. I'm happy that things are getting better for you, I'm sure you can make it Wink

(08-13-2019, 03:41 AM)reaThua9 Wrote: Hi there,

Just want to say I'm sorry for how much you've struggled with all of this. It sounds like you're stronger than you think -- despite all the ways you felt you got your diploma and pushed forward anyway. And I know firsthand how stressful roommate fights can be. I'm sure you're an incredibly smart and beautiful person, and I really hope you can start seeing that in yourself. Blessings!

Thank you for your kind words.
Reply
#9
As you get older, you may find yourself less distracted by all the thinking and be able to get on with your life in peace. People and their opinions lose importance and fade into the background, once you hit 40 or so.

I don't know anything about depression or the other issues, but I can say that aging does compensate some of its physical shenanigans with peace of mind. Feels like a healthy mix of apathy and confidence. It's a good thing.
Reply
#10
Here's my thinking on perfectionism.

If you think it's perfect.........it is. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. It's only relative to you.

xox
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  What's your biggest problem? Eddyturambar 9 2,915 06-07-2016, 01:36 PM
Last Post: johnny196775Again
myBB I think I've sorted out my problem... thelonegamer 5 1,757 06-24-2014, 03:39 PM
Last Post: thelonegamer
  My problem... PyramidHead 2 1,333 12-14-2012, 06:20 AM
Last Post: PyramidHead
Question a problem of reference austintrigue 3 1,686 04-22-2009, 11:56 PM
Last Post: austintrigue
  Life, a circular problem theGiver 14 5,847 10-24-2008, 01:50 PM
Last Post: sloth4urluv

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)