I’ve got serious issues

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ITellYouHhwut

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I don’t know what to do about my issues, but they’re more serious than I thought. I cannot go out to a social thing without curling up by myself in the corner, resenting everyone, and feeling down on myself. Also, I’m a guy, not a girl, so these issues are not normal. I also end up causing damage to myself at some point. Like tonight I went out with a friend of mine and his friends wherein I closed myself off from everyone, got jealous of the attention my friend was getting, then went home early. When I got home I picked up my expensive guitar and dropped it on the floor intentionally, breaking it irreparably. 

I always do stuff like this. This is actually the second guitar I’ve broken like that. I just get into these fits of rage where I want to do damage to something very valuable to me, and sometimes I do it. I guess you could call it self-destructive. I absolutely hate myself, and wish nothing but destruction on myself. I wish I was dead every day. I’ve got nothing to offer. I’m a botched individual, and nobody likes me. I don’t know what to do with myself because I’m too old to change. Seems like I should just kill myself at this point.
 
Hi ITellYouHhwut. How old is to old to change for you? Sorry to hear about your guitar. I can definitely relate to rage issues. I used to have a terrible temper, it has evened out as I grow older, but it's still an issue.
 
Anger problems come from frustration and frustration is when you feel you do not have power. Depression usually follows, or is already a part of the dynamic...and both feed on each other.  A willingness to change is a start in the right direction - and is the beginning of having more power in your life.   Power itself is the ability to change things "because you can" and that kind of power grows the more you work at things.  It's a long term investment, changes on the scale you probably need will take determination and constancy.   I'm not an expert on social anxiety, but I have changed myself.  I'm an outcast more or less, and an anti-social loner.  I understand anger and frustration because I've been there.  I also know you can redefine yourself and overcome social issues.  There is plenty of reading material online and in books, read up and pick and choose things that work for you.  It took me 10 years to learn what I had to know to fix the fixable. You might not need that long.
 
ITellYouHhwut said:
I don’t know what to do about my issues, but they’re more serious than I thought. I cannot go out to a social thing without curling up by myself in the corner, resenting everyone, and feeling down on myself. Also, I’m a guy, not a girl, so these issues are not normal. I also end up causing damage to myself at some point. Like tonight I went out with a friend of mine and his friends wherein I closed myself off from everyone, got jealous of the attention my friend was getting, then went home early. When I got home I picked up my expensive guitar and dropped it on the floor intentionally, breaking it irreparably. 

I always do stuff like this. This is actually the second guitar I’ve broken like that. I just get into these fits of rage where I want to do damage to something very valuable to me, and sometimes I do it. I guess you could call it self-destructive. I absolutely hate myself, and wish nothing but destruction on myself. I wish I was dead every day. I’ve got nothing to offer. I’m a botched individual, and nobody likes me. I don’t know what to do with myself because I’m too old to change. Seems like I should just kill myself at this point.

You're an introvert. And being a guy or girl makes no difference. Don't let society's view of an alpha male make you think you're less of one just because you aren't a charismatic extrovert.

There are plenty of guys like you. Including myself. I suffer from very bad social anxiety and I've done the same on countless occasions. I think you've been dealt a bad hand at life and have been over-looked by many. No one took the time to see what's underneath. I understand the resentment and self-destructiveness. I've been there extremely recently. It truly does feel hopeless.

All you can do is fight for what you always wanted. That's the only fix there is, sadly. That means coming out of this shell. Sadly, not many people have the heart to see what you're going through and see the transparency. I really hope someone finally sees you soon before it's too late.

You have no where to go and no one to talk to that understands you or wants to understand you. You're isolated to yourself. You have thoughts and feelings that need out. That's what the rage is about. Believe it or not, that rage, that's your will doing that. And it wants out. You're stronger than you give yourself credit because it's actually being done to thing you hold dear. Maybe try channeling that anger towards yourself and see where it may lead.

I wonder, do you play guitar in hopes people will finally see you? Feeling your heart and soul in your music? That would also explain why you take it out on them.

The fact that you play guitar as well speaks volumes in itself. I'm sorry people can't see how awesome you are. I think you're awesome and I'm actually jealous that you have the patience to learn it lol. I don't. :p

I hope things change for you very soon. Meanwhile, keep on rockin'!
 
Siku said:
You're an introvert. And being a guy or girl makes no difference. Don't let society's view of an alpha male make you think you're less of one just because you aren't a charismatic extrovert.

There are plenty of guys like you. Including myself. I suffer from very bad social anxiety and I've done the same on countless occasions. I think you've been dealt a bad hand at life and have been over-looked by many. No one took the time to see what's underneath. I understand the resentment and self-destructiveness. I've been there extremely recently. It truly does feel hopeless.

All you can do is fight for what you always wanted. That's the only fix there is, sadly. That means coming out of this shell. Sadly, not many people have the heart to see what you're going through and see the transparency. I really hope someone finally sees you soon before it's too late.

You have no where to go and no one to talk to that understands you or wants to understand you. You're isolated to yourself. You have thoughts and feelings that need out. That's what the rage is about. Believe it or not, that rage, that's your will doing that. And it wants out. You're stronger than you give yourself credit because it's actually being done to thing you hold dear. Maybe try channeling that anger towards yourself and see where it may lead.

I wonder, do you play guitar in hopes people will finally see you? Feeling your heart and soul in your music? That would also explain why you take it out on them.

The fact that you play guitar as well speaks volumes in itself. I'm sorry people can't see how awesome you are. I think you're awesome and I'm actually jealous that you have the patience to learn it lol. I don't. :p

I hope things change for you very soon. Meanwhile, keep on rockin'!

How nice. Thank you!
 
Don't suppress your rage. Any instinct, when suppressed, has uglier expressions. Infact, I would say, break those guitars meditatively, or in other words, consciously. Thoroughly, totally, until no more is left.
I think you should get cheap guitars in bulk.
 
M_also_lonely said:
Don't suppress your rage. Any instinct, when suppressed, has uglier expressions. Infact, I would say, break those guitars meditatively, or in other words, consciously. Thoroughly, totally, until no more is left.
I think you should get cheap guitars in bulk.
Respectfully, I disagree.  We are, as we must be, masters of our emotions and baser impulses.  The idea that we need to act out or "blow off steam" seems to me dangerous and contrary to our very nature as rational, intellectual beings.

Find ways to cope like a grownup, forget about nurturing resentments and move on with a clear mind.  Every emotion we feel is because we choose to feel that way.  Realize this, and you take charge of your own mind.
 
harper said:
M_also_lonely said:
Don't suppress your rage. Any instinct, when suppressed, has uglier expressions. Infact, I would say, break those guitars meditatively, or in other words, consciously. Thoroughly, totally, until no more is left.
I think you should get cheap guitars in bulk.

Every emotion we feel is because we choose to feel that way.  Realize this, and you take charge of your own mind.

Wait.. really? 🤔 
This is a very “force yourself to become healthy” way of thinking.
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe a lot of things are choices. Wallowing in own self pity or pain has never been a good idea, and stopping to do that is very helpful, yet some things aren’t a choice. 
Not everything can be solved just by people pulling themselves up and being a “grownup”.  I think the human mind and imbedded issues are way to complex for that. I think a lot more wouldn’t be struggling if that were the case.
 
MissBehave said:
harper said:
Every emotion we feel is because we choose to feel that way.  Realize this, and you take charge of your own mind.

Wait.. really? 🤔 
This is a very “force yourself to become healthy” way of thinking.
Don’t get me wrong, I do believe a lot of things are choices. Wallowing in own self pity or pain has never been a good idea, and stopping to do that is very helpful, yet some things aren’t a choice. 
Not everything can be solved just by people pulling themselves up and being a “grownup”.  I think the human mind and imbedded issues are way to complex for that. I think a lot more wouldn’t be struggling if that were the case.

Yes, we have to make a conscious decision to feel a certain way about anything.  I say this has to be realized because so many of us are used to thinking "He makes me mad!" etc. when it's clearly up to us to decide how we react to anything. 

Case in point:  You "make me" mad, somehow.  So I get angry.  Later, I find out you had some intention other than the one I understood to be the case.   So I'm no longer angry.  It's all about our own mind and how we process information. 

Who could possibly control our brain but us?  Absolutely nobody.


And I'm not even talking about being a grownup, except to the extent that we need to realize WE are in control of our emotions. I'm talking about making a conscious decision to feel a different way (or not at all) about a given stimulus. We can as easily feel sorry for someone who wrongs us, or feel angry at ourselves, or chalk it all up to experience and feel the steely resolve of a lesson well learned. It's up to us.

The idea that we need to act out so we don't "blow up" is hogwash. As a coping mechanism, destroying people or property is a massive failure.
 
We choose to feel what we do? You honestly believe that? You've brought a butcher knife to a surgery table with that advice.

Some have to overcome it in their own unique approach. I don't think ANYONE likes to destroy their own property or feel like a failure. Why the fresia would you? Lol.

Who's to say what triggers anything and just how significantly bottled up it is. Only the person dealing with it surely can. What if it's not actually rage and just a call for help as you can't open up to anyone? Surely you know the complexity of such a thing.

You're essentially suggesting that people make conscious decisions to a sub-conscious problem paired with potentially misunderstood emotions. We cannot control our sub-conscious so we're essentially burying said rage or problems instead of facing them head on. Bear that in mind and maybe explore the idea that sometimes rage should not be bottled up for too long either. But rather, channeled elsewhere or the flame extinguished. Not be held in a mental room with a lock and key.

In my opinion your advice mostly only works on those who actually have self-worth or confidence in themselves to begin with. Telling this to someone who feels hopeless and has missed many chances they should have gotten already by now, is entirely redundant in my opinion. While I agree with you to a degree, such advice to a stranger you know absolutely nothing about and what has lead them down to that path, in itself is insensitive or potentially even more damaging. Especially if said person is in this position because the world 'already' views them wrongly. Hence, why they are in the position they are in to begin with. Then, you've only added more weight to the problem. Some are already painfully aware of themselves and know of such advice. They just might already lack the strength or will to fight their emotions.

It's only a band-aid to a problem from a very clear and continuous source. Sure, learn some restraint and understand you jumped to conclusions but also figure out what leads up to it as well. Understand yourself and what upsets you easily in your own pace. Changing your mind or outlook is far more effective than simply hindering yourself and beating yourself up for having such emotions to begin with.

What new monster gets bred in the process over time if you fight yourself instead of healing yourself? And what of someone's subconscious that continuously  "feels" a lot or has PTSD on an every-day basis? You're essentially telling that person to turn cold in order to better their life. Cut off a large part of themselves in exchange for a false and forced happiness. They are unhappy because they are MISSING something or stuck in a situation in their head that they cannot escape. They are ALREADY in a state of not being in control any longer. How does such advice apply to that?

This is how people get night terrors every night or rushes of emotions. From holding it back for too long. The subconscious you've ignored flourishes in your sleep and haunts your dreams.

Yes, only WE can control of our emotions but WE are not in control of the outside stimuli that causes it either. What does someone do in the situation where it's all bottled up and the very thing that triggers such an emotion is staring them in the face, every. single. day. And the only relief is that? Learn to control it? You've only made them feel even more worthless and misunderstood as this advice is nothing new to some of them I'm almost sure.

Sure, There are different outlets and approaches. But to tell someone to just control it and get over it might potentially have something new arise during that turmoil that is worse from the pro-longed non-venting. Who's to say? No one. Except THEM.

There is a line between someone just being uncontrollably emotional and someone going through very real and strong anguish. Sorry, but, to assume that anyone acting out is a simple matter that can be dealt with discipline is actually the "hogwash". Sure, it's self-destructive behavior but so long as it's someone's own property and it's specific things and not people, certainly shows a different trend than just generalized hogwashed emotions or rage. I know you meant in general and not just OP, but I used him as a basis that such advice is for another place and time in my opinion.

More power to anyone that has found their own balance or ways you cope. Congrats! But, just like my advice as well, it's all subjective and works in different circumstances and people.

Excuse my rambling. This is clearly a passionate topic for myself as well.
 
I appreciate there’s been so many good responses here.

I wanted to start a new thread with a totally different subject, but I guess I’ll just say what I want to say here.

So, I’m a 28 year old guy. I’ve been having problems virtually all my adult life going back to my teen years. They become more dire and desperate the older I get. I’ve never had a girlfriend, been on a date, had sex, or anything. I simply cannot attract women.

I know for a fact I’m unattractive. There’s never been the first hint of a girl being attracted to me. 

The problem is that I’m getting older and even if I could miraculously gain good looks, confidence, and good people skills, my options would still be depleted as they are now. No one at my age is inexperienced, and 99.99999999999999999% of women are taken, and if not, that means that they’re either terrible people or single moms. My options for true love, and a worthwhile partner is basically non-existent, and that’s on top of the fact that I can’t attract women anyway.

Everything I try to do seems to backfire. The more I work at something, the further away the goal gets. When I start working out and adhering to a diet (which I’m doing now), I get fatter. When I try to fix myself up with a new haircut and good clothes, the response from women is even worse than normal, etc. When I try to accomplish anything, the opposite seems to happen.

Not trying doesn’t work either. It does as predicted. Funny how the phenomenon does not work in reverse.

I’ve gotten to the point wherein I’m so patently fed up with life, and I hate it so much I often actively try to destroy my life and myself. My mindset is “if this is the way life wants it, then I’ll see to it that’s how it’s going to be.” I’ve become self-destructive to a far degree. It is all out of resentment, bitterness, and spite. I figure might as well. Life will do the same thing with or without my help.

This is why a relationship could never happen for me now. I believe I’m too far gone on the singular path. You’re supposed to start having your first relationships when you’re in your mid teen years when your brain is still building new connections. That’s how you learn the ropes of them, and how to acquire and maintain them. But if you’re like me, 28 and never had the first experience with someone, you’re basically stuck where you’re at. It’s way too late in the game to pick it up now. Everyone else is so far beyond you. 

My hope is to commit suicide sooner or later. I really shouldn’t be here. I don’t really care to keep trying. Life just backfires and spits in my face. Every time I gain a little positivity and desire to try, life makes sure it crushes it. I would rather burn forever in hell than have a girlfriend or experience sex now. You couldn’t pay me all of Trump’s and Bill Gates’ money times a thousand to be with a girl now. The thought of doing so makes me physically sick in the most literal sense. I’m done.
 
I don't think it works like that. Not having a relationship in your teens doesn't automatically make you unable or suck at having them later on. It varies so much from person to person. Some use a long time to realize mistakes and bad ways to be in them while others learn fast. You having your first relationship at age 28 doesn't mean you starting from scratch. Valuable lessons also comes with age and more experience. 
I do get your fears though, being in the place you are now seems very tough. One thing I've learned is that it's a more common problem than you'd think. A lot of men feel like they are stuck in this forever alone way of life. 
What makes you feel sick by the idea of having a girlfriend or sex? Why wouldn't you take the chance if it came to you? 🌸
 
I really don't understand this "I have no experience so I can never be in a relationship" excuse.

First, you have been in relationships. Doesn't matter if they are romantic or not, they are essentially all the same. The only difference between the different types would be what you do with the other person.

Second, it's not really that **** difficult. Respect, trust, communication. You treat them like a human being. End of story.
 
MissBehave said:
What makes you feel sick by the idea of having a girlfriend or sex? Why wouldn't you take the chance if it came to you? 🌸

It’s a resentment thing. After being burned time and time and time and time again, the very notion of women/love/relationships/sex just starts to put a foul taste in your mouth, and you stop wanting it. You become utterly done with it, and would resent the very notion of it if it were to be offered to you. 

You see, we undesirable guys don’t just have to put up with a lifetime of loneliness. Loneliness is one thing, but most certainly not the whole picture. Unfortunately, it goes much deeper than just that. We also have to put up with a lifetime of having it rubbed in our faces every single day that we’re undesirable, and that no woman could ever like us no matter what, and that all those alpha males are the ones women want, and are the ones worthy of them. We get reminded by everything we see and interact with every single day that we’ll NEVER have that. 

Women also absolutely LOVE to cause heartache and pain to men. It just makes their whole day to rub it in our face and cause such crushing blows to our self-worth. Women are very passive aggressive creatures who have their little ways of dragging our self-worth and confidence through the mud, and rubbing it in our faces that we’ll NEVER be the recipients of what the alpha male gets.

Me personally, I’ve put enormous work/effort into “improving myself”, and heeding the advice of everyone else and “putting myself out there/approaching women”, etc. only to get absolutely nowhere, and just feel even more like a failure, and being more assured that I’m indeed a worthless undesirable. I hired a personal trainer, starting lifting and running, changed my wardrobe, saw a life/dating coach, consumed tons of material on self-improvement, and even actively went out to try to put this advice into practice and come out of my shell. Not a single victory resulted from all of this.

All my life I’ve had women treat me horribly. If I even try to talk to them, they look at me like I must be out of my mind to think I’m worthy of shooting breeze in their direction, let alone to think they would shoot it back in mine.

At some point, you become done with it all, and the very notion of it makes you want to vomit every organ in your body out, swallow it again, then vomit it back out again. It’s like going to a restaurant where they clearly see you sitting there, but serve everyone else besides you. Eventually you say screw it, I don’t want your **** food anymore, and you leave. You wouldn’t touch their food now if they offered it to you for free. That’s how I feel about women and relationships. Elvis has left the building and he ain’t gonna return. Enjoy your handsome alpha males.
 
morrowrd said:
Anger problems come from frustration and frustration is when you feel you do not have power. Depression usually follows, or is already a part of the dynamic...and both feed on each other.  

I definitely agree with this.


Siku said:
You're an introvert. And being a guy or girl makes no difference. Don't let society's view of an alpha male make you think you're less of one just because you aren't a charismatic extrovert.

There are plenty of guys like you. Including myself. I suffer from very bad social anxiety and I've done the same on countless occasions. I think you've been dealt a bad hand at life and have been over-looked by many. No one took the time to see what's underneath. I understand the resentment and self-destructiveness. I've been there extremely recently. It truly does feel hopeless.

All you can do is fight for what you always wanted. That's the only fix there is, sadly. That means coming out of this shell. Sadly, not many people have the heart to see what you're going through and see the transparency. I really hope someone finally sees you soon before it's too late.

You have no where to go and no one to talk to that understands you or wants to understand you. You're isolated to yourself. You have thoughts and feelings that need out. That's what the rage is about. Believe it or not, that rage, that's your will doing that. And it wants out. You're stronger than you give yourself credit because it's actually being done to thing you hold dear. Maybe try channeling that anger towards yourself and see where it may lead.

I wonder, do you play guitar in hopes people will finally see you? Feeling your heart and soul in your music? That would also explain why you take it out on them.

The fact that you play guitar as well speaks volumes in itself. I'm sorry people can't see how awesome you are. I think you're awesome and I'm actually jealous that you have the patience to learn it lol. I don't. :p

I hope things change for you very soon. Meanwhile, keep on rockin'!

+1.

This is what I would call a helpful, understanding post. And I liked how you explained all your ideas very tactfully. That's what I think this site, and just advice in general should be about. Less shaming, more listening, and remembering there's more than one way to make a point - some more helpful than others.


ITellYouHhwut said:
I don’t know what to do about my issues, but they’re more serious than I thought. I cannot go out to a social thing without curling up by myself in the corner, resenting everyone, and feeling down on myself. Also, I’m a guy, not a girl, so these issues are not normal. I also end up causing damage to myself at some point. Like tonight I went out with a friend of mine and his friends wherein I closed myself off from everyone, got jealous of the attention my friend was getting, then went home early. When I got home I picked up my expensive guitar and dropped it on the floor intentionally, breaking it irreparably. 

I always do stuff like this. This is actually the second guitar I’ve broken like that. I just get into these fits of rage where I want to do damage to something very valuable to me, and sometimes I do it. I guess you could call it self-destructive. I absolutely hate myself, and wish nothing but destruction on myself. I wish I was dead every day. I’ve got nothing to offer. I’m a botched individual, and nobody likes me. I don’t know what to do with myself because I’m too old to change. Seems like I should just kill myself at this point.

I hear you. I don't feel quite the same things, or as many of these things as intensely anymore, but I think I know where you're coming from.

I also worry that I have nothing to offer, that I'm too boring, that my mind is just too conventional to be interesting. That I'm not imaginative or adventurous or "wacky" enough. I'm not "dangerous", I don't look like a criminal/"rebel" type, and I'm not dominant at all. And I'm not funny, not reliably at least. And definitely not witty. I worry that I'm a botched person too, or not so much botched, just inferior. Where I didn't come out wrong per se, I came out fine, everything works, but what I am, just isn't good enough. And I'm not crazy about what I can get, so it leaves me nowhere to go.

And I definitely hear you where it seems like dating is some kind of class system, where the upper class is always flaunting what they have in your face, and making you feel like you'll never have it and there's nothing you can even do about it no matter how hard you work, cause they're the "high" people, and you're one of the "low" people. Your metaphor was pretty much how I feel too, where it's like a restaurant that won't serve you. I feel like it's more like a gated community or an elite social club that won't let you in, because you had to have had the good luck of being born to it, and if you didn't, you'll never be good enough. That feeling is one of the banes of my existence.

I try to look for people with common interests that I can talk to, have some topics ready ahead of time, and show interests in others by asking them more than I talk about myself (cause I don't have that much to say about me right now anyway - nothing that isn't problems, at least).

And I try to remember to NOT overshare about problems, and NOT put out a sort of "nervous" energy. You said you went out with your friends. How do you talk with your friends? Are you laid-back and gregarious with them, with people you know well, but have a hard time doing that for others? Maybe if a woman sees you being talkative and lively with your friends, they'll be more keen to getting to know you. Something similar worked for me lately, even though I wasn't trying to do anything and still don't really know how I feel about it/if I'll follow up on it or not. But I was friendly, talkative, showing interest in people, and laid back, not nervous (and buzzed but idk if that's your thing). So maybe that will work for you, too. Just throwing ideas out there.

PS - I'd say that you already have some good things going for you if you are creative enough to play guitar, and smart enough to run that farm business you talked about and make a lot of money. I know I'd feel better if I could do things like that. So those are some things to be confident in. I think you could say that you at least know that you're a competent person. That's why I think "just be confident bro" doesn't work, cause it's like confident in what? You have to be competent at something, to be confident in. But it seems like you have that.
 
Just because I own guitars doesn’t mean I’m good at playing them. I never said I was a musician. I’m sorry, but please don’t patronize me.

Even if I was a talented guitar player (which I’m not), it’s not like that would get me attention from women. Guitar is so uncool and out of fashion these days, and has been for a very very long time. Girls these days see guitar players the same way they see gamer nerds. Especially ones who play rock music. The overwhelming majority of girls these days prefer rap, pop, and other non-guitar-based music. Even the ones who like country don’t like it for the guitar. If anything, it’s the gradual removal of guitar, and the move towards more pop/hip hop sounds in country music that has mostly led to more female interest in country music, and overall interest in it in general. If I were a talented guitarist, I would never be under the silly illusion that it would garner me the positive attention from the ladies, because it wouldn’t.

And like I said, I don’t care anymore. My concern for it all has run it’s cycle. I don’t care anymore. I will kindly back out. I’m a single, undesirable virgin, and I will die one.
 
TheSkaFish said:
MissBehave said:
ITellYouHhwut said:
Enjoy your handsome alpha males.

I will, don’t worry ❤️

Honest, but not exactly encouraging  :(

At least she isn’t trying to hide it. Women absolutely bask in the destruction of guys like me. They get a kick out of it when they’ve passively-aggressively destroyed guys like me on the inside. They love to flaunt their relationships with alpha males in our faces, and they love it when they’ve driven us to self-destruction. It just gives them this feeling of satisfaction. They get off on it. Bonus if they’ve driven a guy like me to suicide. It just makes their day. I’ve seen women do this too many times not to know what I’m talking about.

I think I’ve mentioned this on this forum before, but I’ve had numerous ocassions wherein friends of mine have tried to “set up” get-togethers at their homes, inviting single women there they think might mingle with me, with the hopes that it might “help me out”. Every time this has happened, the women end up throwing themselves at the other men there, laughing at their jokes, etc., and totally shunning me, and doing so in this overt way so as to ensure that I notice that they are intentionally shunning and dismissing me, despite the fact that I came into the situation with a positive vibe, and tried my best to put my best foot forward. There’s no winning.

My advice to guys like me is...give up. No amount of “self-improvement”, training, wardrobe changing, life coaching, ambition/finance gaining, or plastic surgery will change you from an undesirable man to a desirbale man in the eyes of women. For guys who get girls, there’s no “trick” to it. Those guys just get them. Women have very acute radars for genetics, and can pick what they want out of a crowd of men instantly. They will throw themselves at the desirable men, and run from the undesirable men like avoiding the plague. You’re either born with the traits that women find attractive, or you’re not. There is no “acquiring” or “developing” them.
 

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