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Hello to all.
#1
Hello to all, I first registered on the forum almost four years ago... but I was still in such denial then that I never even posted one hello message.  I saved the site to my bookmarks and continued denying my lonely existence. 

Four wasted years later and the only thing that has changed is that I have wised up to the reality of my life.  And all though they are just typed words in a forum post what I am about to admit is monumental to me.

I have spent my life putting others before myself. I now realize that you teach others how to treat you.  In putting them first always I taught them that they were important and I was not.  Now the 54-year-old woman who stares back at me from the mirror shows the years of neglect as she is old before her time.  I am afraid I waited too long to wise up, that my appearance will overshadow any valuable traits that I have such as loyalty and devotion and I will remain this achingly lonely for the remainder of my days.

There I said it or typed it but even if no one else reads this at least I have admitted it to myself.  Now I have to figure out what if anything I can do about it.

If someone does read this and has any suggestions or anything I appreciate it.
Sometimes even the devil on my shoulder asks "What the hell are you doing now?"

I have completely mastered the art of doing everything wrong.
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#2
Hey.
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You sound like a very selfless woman, that's an amazing trait to have in this cold world. I hope for good things in your future. The stuff with your children was very sad to read and I hope they wake up one day and realize what they have done. 
How are you feeling today? 
🌸
[Image: tenor.gif]
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#3
(08-22-2019, 03:41 PM)az85029gal Wrote: If someone does read this and has any suggestions or anything I appreciate it.

Although it's very cliché, and utterly easier said than done, and although I don't think I have any authority to say such a thing, "beauty comes from inside".

Maybe welcome would not be the case, once you've been around though silently... Welcome to the conversation, I might say, I guess. Interacting is more fun, I have no doubt.

I'm Gus. I'm lonely too. Nobody cares about me. My parents are old, and when they're gone, that's it. (I have no brothers or sisters, and my cousins don't give a damn.)
Hello. I'm Gustavo. (If you call me Gus, it's all right too.)
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#4
(08-22-2019, 03:41 PM)az85029gal Wrote: Hello to all, I first registered on the forum almost four years ago... but I was still in such denial then that I never even posted one hello message.  I saved the site to my bookmarks and continued denying my lonely existence. 

Four wasted years later and the only thing that has changed is that I have wised up to the reality of my life.  And all though they are just typed words in a forum post what I am about to admit is monumental to me.

I have spent my life putting others before myself. I now realize that you teach others how to treat you.  In putting them first always I taught them that they were important and I was not.  Now the 54-year-old woman who stares back at me from the mirror shows the years of neglect as she is old before her time.  I am afraid I waited too long to wise up, that my appearance will overshadow any valuable traits that I have such as loyalty and devotion and I will remain this achingly lonely for the remainder of my days.

There I said it or typed it but even if no one else reads this at least I have admitted it to myself.  Now I have to figure out what if anything I can do about it.

If someone does read this and has any suggestions or anything I appreciate it.
Hello, az85029gal (had trouble typing that out LOL).

I'm very sorry about your situation and I like to think I know where you are coming from. I already am very much feeling a lot like yourself at only 34. Reading this has made me more grateful. I'm fortunate enough to 'wise' up in my 30s in the very least. But, I'm not here to compare us. I'd like to know more about you and what sort of situations you found yourself in. Have you ever been in-love? What were or still are your main aspirations? You are clearly a very loving person that is over-looked as most are unfortunately.

The most loving people are the most unloved. But I can't help but feel like that loving half of you doesn't necessarily think it was years wasted if you look back at all the lives you've touched in that time. I'm so sorry people don't tell you how much they love or miss you as much as they should. I'm almost certain people do, and just 'don't'. Mostly out of guilt or they see they can't get more out of you than they already are.

I wish I could make you younger or get people to see you. I see you.... beautiful and amazing you!! Don't let your age and the world let your amazing heart turn to stone or ash. Just be more selfish for your own sake every once and awhile. I hope you find someone or that spark so that your remainder of your years actually feel like you've lived more and you don't focus on your reflection in the mirror anymore.

(08-23-2019, 11:05 AM)GustavusMacer Wrote:
(08-22-2019, 03:41 PM)az85029gal Wrote: If someone does read this and has any suggestions or anything I appreciate it.

Although it's very cliché, and utterly easier said than done, and although I don't think I have any authority to say such a thing, "beauty comes from inside".

Maybe welcome would not be the case, once you've been around though silently... Welcome to the conversation, I might say, I guess. Interacting is more fun, I have no doubt.

I'm Gus. I'm lonely too. Nobody cares about me. My parents are old, and when they're gone, that's it. (I have no brothers or sisters, and my cousins don't give a damn.)

You have as much authority to say such a thing as anyone else. Especially because you're right!

I think people just mis-understand you with how you present yourself and feel like they may not be able to hold a conversation with you. Not because they don't care. But that is actually your best trait. You seem extremely educated and very much a lover of literature and maybe even history? I'm obviously guessing here. You were just born in the wrong generation it seems and you're lost in translation, sadly. Sad

Crap, I'm not trying to hijack this thread either lol. Simply stating what I've observed and seen. I think you just have to find that like-minded company in which you are finally seen for who you are.

You're obviously a very caring person as well otherwise you wouldn't be replying in all these threads as you have been. I'm sorry for not saying these things to you sooner. You're very much an awesome and unique individual.
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#5
Wouldn't you know it, I finally reached out and before I could even read your kind responses, another family member needed my help. Unfortunately, my little brother's wife died suddenly they truly had a love story and of course he is devastated and I lost a dear friend that I was closer to than my own two sisters.
She understood unconditional love, she will be missed.
Thank you again for your kind words, just knowing that someone cared enough to respond meant so much to me.
Sometimes even the devil on my shoulder asks "What the hell are you doing now?"

I have completely mastered the art of doing everything wrong.
Reply
#6
Hi ArZangal!

It's not too late, you have your GLORY on earth, yet it is felt as not rewarded.

As far as I journeyed this boring life, I've seen you've done more GOOD than I did and I've received good things at lost cost. If the afterlife exists, you'll probably receive ALL you think you deserve. Meanwhile, on the land of the "living" we all stink, we lie, we prey or hurt, thinking we don't stink as those we rejected, loved o punished.

If this place was mine I would say "welcome" but my type of loneliness is not yours, and my faults or shortcommings would not embrace ppl too far to be reached or really hugged.

If you're that person, may the hidden God reward you with bunches of things you think you missed. 😐
I'll be all I want to be!
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#7
is never too late, welcome back  Smile
must be me right?  Cool

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#8
Hello az85029gal :L)

Welcome back to ALL. I don't know what the forum was like from years ago because this is my first time here. With time allowing, life does get better but we have to strive to help ourselves, if that makes sense? It just takes a lot of time. Especially bereavement; been there.

During my time off sick from a dreaful accident and the death of my parents in a road accident, I took up running. Running greatly helped me deal with dewpression and loneliness. I'm now back at work. I'm an NHS GP.

My door is open if you ever want to talk.

Best wishes,
Rosie
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#9
Smile 
I could not be happier that I have re-discovered this site.  I had started to feel as if I was the only person in the whole world who felt this way.  I don't know why it seems so much easier to become isolated and detached from society than when I was younger.  I guess all our technological progress enables us to do most tasks required for normal living on our own.  I work from home, pay bills, handle general communications, do all my shopping online.  If you don't have people who care about you out in the world, that encourage you to get together you might never leave home again.

I know my attitude is not the best right now, I am actively working on it and apologize for any negativity.  I feel hope for the first time in too long just from the replies to this post alone.

So I want you all to know that I appreciate each one of you.

Thank you.
Sometimes even the devil on my shoulder asks "What the hell are you doing now?"

I have completely mastered the art of doing everything wrong.
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#10
I'm sorry I PMed!

Currently I don't do that on the PAIN clinic, but I felt concerned.
I'll be all I want to be!
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