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Overthinking
#11
(09-09-2019, 03:18 AM)TheSkaFish Wrote: Holding my tongue....

Anyway.  I tend to overthink cause when I underthink, stuff goes wrong, I do things wrong or forget things or don't notice things or think them through, and I don't like feeling like maybe I'm dumb.  Cause what little smarts I have is all I have, and without it I have nothing, no assets, no +1's in any category.  

Do you overthink social situations and suffer because of it?  That was sorta what I had in mind here, though any interpretation is, of course, fine.

It seems like overthinkers tend to overestimate  repercussions of gaffes, etc that typically go unnoticed.
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#12
(09-09-2019, 03:49 AM)harper Wrote:
(09-09-2019, 03:18 AM)TheSkaFish Wrote: Holding my tongue....

Anyway.  I tend to overthink cause when I underthink, stuff goes wrong, I do things wrong or forget things or don't notice things or think them through, and I don't like feeling like maybe I'm dumb.  Cause what little smarts I have is all I have, and without it I have nothing, no assets, no +1's in any category.  

Do you overthink social situations and suffer because of it?  That was sorta what I had in mind here, though any interpretation is, of course, fine.

It seems like overthinkers tend to overestimate  repercussions of gaffes, etc that typically go unnoticed.

I was thinking just doing things wrong, especially when the attention is on you.  But yeah, social situations are definitely a part of that.

The thing is, some gaffes really are that bad, and do have strong, lasting repercussions that take a lot to disprove if it's possible at all.  But you're also right, some do go unnoticed and linger more in our memory than they do in anyone else's.  

I think what helps is to prepare ahead of time by understanding the basics of how things work, like if you're anticipating an interaction ahead of time - like a party or presentation.  It helps to know who's there and what they're about, what kind of topics they like, have some current topics of your own ready, that kind of stuff.  And knowing what the major gaffes are, so you can just avoid them ahead of time.

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#13
Can you give some examples of the worst sort of gaffes? The ones that have lasting repercussions?

Can you give some examples of the worst sort of gaffes? The ones that have lasting repercussions?

I think this sounds like I'm grilling you-- I'm honestly not. I'm just wondering what the reality of this kind of overthought actually is. I'm sure it's different for everyone, but I'm curious because it seems contrary to the way society actually behaves.
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#14
Really nice question for me.
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Cause There are so many possible customers here and u can increase them in money or traffic.
I read a nice article about*link removed* ,and it really helps me so much in social media area.So just try.
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#15
(09-09-2019, 05:52 AM)harper Wrote: Can you give some examples of the worst sort of gaffes? The ones that have lasting repercussions?

I think this sounds like I'm grilling you-- I'm honestly not. I'm just wondering what the reality of this kind of overthought actually is. I'm sure it's different for everyone, but I'm curious because it seems contrary to the way society actually behaves.

No problem. I don't feel grilled at all.

As far as the gaffes, what I've learned is that the worst ones are probably accidentally oversharing about problems and bringing the vibe down. Basically anything to show too much weakness is a gaffe that should be avoided. I used to think that people would respect the honesty, appreciate a breath of fresh air from the sea of cocky showoff dudes, and even relate, but it seems like that's not the case.

Another big gaffe I'd say is not being interesting enough, running out of conversation material too early. I try to remedy this by knowing my audience and trying to have some topics prepared, or by flipping things and asking the person questions instead of just me talking, to take the pressure off me.

Anyway just my thoughts.

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#16
(09-11-2019, 09:14 AM)TheSkaFish Wrote: As far as the gaffes, what I've learned is that the worst ones are probably accidentally oversharing about problems and bringing the vibe down.  Basically anything to show too much weakness is a gaffe that should be avoided.  I used to think that people would respect the honesty, appreciate a breath of fresh air from the sea of cocky showoff dudes, and even relate, but it seems like that's not the case.

Another big gaffe I'd say is not being interesting enough, running out of conversation material too early.  I try to remedy this by knowing my audience and trying to have some topics prepared, or by flipping things and asking the person questions instead of just me talking, to take the pressure off me.

Anyway just my thoughts.

Yeah, I never considered the 'oversharing' thing.  That actually does require some attention.  Being well into middle age, people assume I'm a bit eccentric anyway, so it's no problem.  But in my youth, in the field I was in, I definitely had to present myself properly and inspire confidence.

I always had the idea that people actually want you to succeed in social encounters.  They'll fill in the gaps and help guide the conversation if you start to wind down a bit.  It's a two-way street, so you don't have to be the one who keeps the ball rolling.  Nothing wrong with rubbing your eyes and saying "What a long day it's been!"  Everyone can relate to that.
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