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I kinda wish someone would put effort into me.
I'm always texting someone else, and more often than not they'll read it and not reply.

Am I too expectant of others, or what..?

Like, my friend will read my texts and never reply but at work she'll talk to me openly and laugh and stuff. Outside of work, I cease to exist to her. How can I call that a friendship?

My other friend, will read my texts and sometimes reply. I get she has shit going on but as far as I know we are cool and sometimes it just feels like she doesn't want to talk to me. Even about the most mundane of topics. She'll engage, then will read what I say but won't reply. Over the course of hours, even. But then will reply sometimes in the middle of the night. Like, are you avoiding talking to me while I should be awake, or what? 

I feel like I just take other people being busy the wrong way, yea, but shit man. 

In the middle of talking to a friend about this, they started reading my texts and leaving me on read. Lmao. Come on, dude.

I'd stop texting people but, I'm alone enough as it is. And trying really hard to better myself and focus on my life. I need some sort of fucking companionship or friend besides my father and mother. Someone who doesn't HAVE to love me, or want to talk to me. Hell, even my mom sometimes I will be telling her about something going on in my life and she'll just quietly sit there and listen. Won't provide a word. My dad usually will talk with me about things, but sometimes he just says "Love you son." And it drives me up the wall.

I want someone to put effort into me. Take interest in me. Do more than tell me I'm an attractive man every once in awhile before forgetting I exist again. Someone who gives as much of a shit about my existance as I do theirs, in the very least. Someone who's happy to hear from me, or see me. I don't want a bunch of people who'll go to my funeral one day and be sad because they knew me in passing. I don't feel like I have actual friends anymore. Nobody comes to me to talk to me, they always need something from me. 

And if I dont provide it the exact way they want it, they often get angry with me, even. I don't know.

I want someone to think of my ass, for once. Without having to be reminded.

Edit: I can be extremely selfish, sometimes. People have stuff going on. In my head, reading a message from me meant "Oh they had time to look at what I said, but not to reply?"

Literally earlier today, I read a text from my friend and was at work so had to put my phone back in my pocket for a bit.

*Facepalm.* Anxiety can make you so fucking selfish. Don't let your vision be clouded like my ass. Care for your friends, even if it feels like they don't have enough time for you.
Have you thought about being more "selfish" in what you consider a friend? Maybe something like, if they don't do it for you, remove them from friend list and put them in the aquaintance category. Does that make sense?

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