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My shadows
#1
There is so much to tell but I just feel like I can't open up no more.

Depression is one of these things that haunts me, it got so bad over the years.. I have it for around a decade now.
I tried whatever to deal with it. I wasn't born with it, it was given to me by nasty humans. Why? because.. because they had to hammer these demons into me.

As so much time has passed and I learned more about this world.. I know way more than when I was as a gullible teenager. 
And I have my own way of perceiving things, because this way im truthful to myself. 
Is it really even depression anymore? Is it mainly my mind?
Things seem to be so boring, empty and meaningless.. lots of things. Also because I got older and they dont seem as fresh as when I was much younger.
Maybe its a loop now? this cruel world causes me depression. It just leaves me no hope.
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#2
ShellShock, I've seen depression destroy a loved one's life, so I respect its power and influence over you.  Unfortunately, it seems impossible to save people at times from their plight because they're unwilling to change anything within their lives.  I can't speak for you, but I offer this video as an excellent sermon worth a half hour of your time.  I think you'll find it most interesting, entertaining, and applicable to you.

https://youtu.be/KdLmOq048NM
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#3
(09-09-2019, 07:45 AM)Sir Joseph Wrote: Unfortunately, it seems impossible to save people at times from their plight because they're unwilling to change anything within their lives.

Do you yourself even know what serious depression is?
It's not that I'm unwilling to change my life.. not in my case. I absolutely didn't ask for this. I have no real options in this asshole infested empty world where it's all about status and conformism and being backstabbed. If pills could work but they don't, I tried numerous and I tried therapies.
If I wasn't abused in the past and guided instead, I could indeed accomplish some stuff... and even then, what else? I'd probably end up remaining empty. I fear I'd be alone with them achievements because the ENTIRE IDEA OF BEING MYSELF is sooo socially unacceptable all around the globe - it feels.
Why can't the world change to better? ah it wont.
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#4
What part of being yourself is socially unacceptable?
[Image: tenor.gif]
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#5
(09-09-2019, 10:58 PM)MissBehave Wrote: What part of being yourself is socially unacceptable?

My entire core personality. I don't feel like revealing such detail about myself now. Just not now. Especially not in public. 
It has been one of the most main causes of humans wrecking my life. It was unjustified free hatred. 
I ended up feeling I have no place at all in this world, internet helped me find out.
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#6
Shellshock, good of you to repond. I was thinking of my sister when I stated that some people aren't willing to change their lives in order to save themselves from serious depression.  I don't know you or your situation, and have not passed judgement on you in that regard. 

Your own words from your first post prompted me to suggest the linked video.  You may or may not like it's implications, but its quite relevant for you.   It"s really worth your time - if you are open to turning your life around.
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#7
I’m sorry to hear that you feel that way. I have a similar feeling but I mostly judge myself. 
Hope you are having a decent day! 🌸
[Image: tenor.gif]
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#8
Although I'm not depresive, I'm aware I got depressed. When I came back to Venezuela from Colombia, it took me 10 years to remove the weeds my piece of land. In fact, my sons and ex wife did it to make use If the land this year it went productive.

How long do I need to be working hard?
How long does it takes me to leave idle time to help others?

My own kids did what I should be doing.

It's pointless, for me, another day but, when I read the Bible, I see manny ppl drifted in the same boat I am (look I'm not PASSING a judgement).

It's pointless I blamed my own faults or this icy world: I should be responsible up to my last bresth and, what helped me regain a lost faith it was reading and studying NDEs.

By no ways or reasons I would permit suicidal thoughts or another level of depression: I won't permit THE WORLD rule on me (secretely I prayed God took me out).

I abandoned myself into God's hands. 😇
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