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ShellShock

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My sleep is often usable, never deep.. usually short and including me waking up about twice in the process for no good reason.

I am a lite sleeper, sounds can easily interrupt me and wake me up, going back to sleep has chance to fail and result in insomnia.
I don't wake up feeling fresh (very very rare to happen and its great).

But my main problem here is constant nightmares and uncomfortable dreams.
Like my life in awake state is already burden.. can't I create a situation where I happily welcome sleep tired at the end of the day, escape to a safer world under blanket and wake up wit good mood, maybe even energized and have a productive day?
Sleep and dreams mean a lot to me.
Right now dreaming feels of jumping into a mess pool of whatever error awaits me and asking inside myself may it not be that bad.

I had sucn serious horror dreams., blood, gore, dark. darker stuff... my subconscious is a mess
I even experience sleep paralysis multiple times in my life.
 
Hey. 
I’ve not seen you around here before so I wanted to say hi. 🌸
I can relate to a lot of what you say. My awake state is challenging to say the least and I have horrible nightmares when I sleep. Most of the time but not always. It’s a very tiering thing.. sleep should be what recharges your mind and body to make you able to face the day refreshed. It sucks since sleep is supposed to be a safe state to be in but becomes a trap. 
Anyways. 
Hello! 🌸🥳
 
What do you do during your days? Do you stay busy? When you go to sleep, do you lie awake in bed analyzing everything?
My advice is to stay busy during the day. Exercise if you can and don't go to bed until you are ready to sleep. Keep your mind off everything until sleep.
 
MissBehave said:
My awake state is challenging to say the least and I have horrible nightmares when I sleep. Most of the time but not always. It’s a very tiering thing.. sleep should be what recharges your mind and body to make you able to face the day refreshed. It sucks since sleep is supposed to be a safe state to be in but becomes a trap. 

Hey, pardon me I wasn't notified of latest replies in my inbox although I set them to so. Heh :/

Yes that is EXACTLY what sleep should be about. Just another night this time after writing this thread I wake up in the middle of the sleep, go back to sleep who knows when as I laid in bed in my automatic thoughts and then woke up full of anxiety. Dreams were honeysuckle as usual, I was brought up same old social subjects that haunt me for the rest of this life.


TheRealCallie said:
What do you do during your days?  Do you stay busy?  When you go to sleep, do you lie awake in bed analyzing everything?
My advice is to stay busy during the day.  Exercise if you can and don't go to bed until you are ready to sleep.  Keep your mind off everything until sleep.

I can't keep myself busy entire day I'm too tired. My broken mind finds way to sneek it's compulsive overthinking even when I do something. Until I get my mind off the compulsive thoughts will come back in short time after after I stopped what I was doing. 
I try to think about dreaming good dreams but it doesn't help. Something is seriously wrong with my subconscious or whatever.
 
It's kind of nice to recognise parts of yourself in others, even though it's a pain I wouldn't want anyone to have.
You mention sleep paralysis.
What's that like?
I've seen a documentary about it. Just wonder how it is for you. I get it if you don't want to talk about it. 🦄
 
MissBehave said:
You mention sleep paralysis.
What's that like?

Very scary. You are half actually awake half asleep, you are in the process of awakening but the dream behind you is a nightmare that tries to pull you in and you feel like moving your limbs, like running away but you can't. Not a nice way to wake up -.-
 
ShellShock said:


TheRealCallie said:
What do you do during your days?  Do you stay busy?  When you go to sleep, do you lie awake in bed analyzing everything?
My advice is to stay busy during the day.  Exercise if you can and don't go to bed until you are ready to sleep.  Keep your mind off everything until sleep.

I can't keep myself busy entire day I'm too tired. My broken mind finds way to sneek it's compulsive overthinking even when I do something. Until I get my mind off the compulsive thoughts will come back in short time after after I stopped what I was doing. 
I try to think about dreaming good dreams but it doesn't help. Something is seriously wrong with my subconscious or whatever.



You're too tired to stay busy, but not too tired to stay tortured?  That doesn't really make much sense to me. 

Staying busy doesn't mean constantly being on the go, doing this, doing that, always up and moving.  It means occupying your mind.  Read a book or watch a movie. Take a class and learn something.  Get a hobby or join a club.  Talk to people.  Learn an instrument.  You need to find something that will keep your mind occupied on the task and not allow it to slide back into the other thoughts.  Maybe you haven't found what will keep your mind occupied yet, but well, you can either keep trying or live with the misery.  
Something else you should probably do is figure out why you can't/won't let go of whatever it is.
 
You're too tired to stay busy, but not too tired to stay tortured?  That doesn't really make much sense to me. 
Because you obviously have no idea how it is being in this situation. If you knew, it would make perfect sense to you. 
If you don't know how it feels, keep your "judgments" to yourself. 

Will you say the same to someone who is sick with cancer? You won't, it's not their choice to suffer. It just happens, it's a not controllable body process
unless you have right medications or some stuff like that.
"I'm not too tired to be tortured" gimme a break, you speak as if I am actively doing this to myself.
Fyi it's a neurological problem of the mind and I can't just snap out of it whenever I want to. Often when you try to get your mind unto other stuff you simply can't, it's stronger than you. But then again you gotta be in this situation, to have this sickness to understand how it is. 

NO I don't have spare energy to "inflict the act of suffering" upon myself, it's the act of suffering like a parasite drains me out. The opposite, I lose much energy trying to contain it.

In this case I am expected to "understand" you that you don't understand me and just trying to help me by contempting my issues. You can't understand - I don't expect you to, you didn't went trough this so you can't.. but you can't just go talk to people with mental issues in a blaming self righteous way or simplifying their problems in their face or just pushing them advice while you speak in a manner like they are stupid little weak willed children who just need to grow up. 
I don't care how socially acceptable this rude behavior is. I don't accept it.
 
I’m sorry to hear that. Hmm.. it has to be very hard to deal with. 
Is there anything you can do to remove yourself from that state or do you have to wait until it’s over?
 
So wait, I know nothing about you, but you know everything about me and what I've been through? Little bit of an ego on you too, huh?

I base what I write on what I read. You haven't given much to go on, so what I write is generalized. I can't give anything more specific if I don't know anything more specific, now can I? If the issue is depression like you said in your other thread, my advice stands. Even if you found a drug that would help the depression, the drug alone won't get rid of it entirely. Therapy won't get rid of it entirely. YOU have a part in it too.
Depression, believe it or not, is kind of a choice. You have the choice to let it eat you alive. You have the choice to try everything under the sun to fight it. You have the choice to do something or nothing. Sit at home and do nothing, it will just get worse. Get up and do something you don't really feel like doing and maybe you might have a chance.
 
MissBehave said:
I’m sorry to hear that. Hmm.. it has to be very hard to deal with. 
Is there anything you can do to remove yourself from that state or do you have to wait until it’s over?

I dunno anymore, I tried to keep myself busy in some small things. Doesn't mean it will change my dreams. I really wish to change my dreams from nasty to nice.
 
TheRealCallie said:
So wait, I know nothing about you, but you know everything about me and what I've been through?  Little bit of an ego on you too, huh?  

I base what I write on what I read.  You haven't given much to go on, so what I write is generalized.  I can't give anything more specific if I don't know anything more specific, now can I?  If the issue is depression like you said in your other thread, my advice stands.  Even if you found a drug that would help the depression, the drug alone won't get rid of it entirely.  Therapy won't get rid of it entirely.  YOU have a part in it too.
Depression, believe it or not, is kind of a choice.  You have the choice to let it eat you alive.  You have the choice to try everything under the sun to fight it.  You have the choice to do something or nothing.  Sit at home and do nothing, it will just get worse.  Get up and do something you don't really feel like doing and maybe you might have a chance.

Now you try to shift the blame on me, you got some nerve pal. You need to take responsibility for your rudeness. You're the first one who came to judge me - as you typed your comment I wonder if there was any attempt to even question yourself in the process.. maybe you write something that is off and is too judgmental. And I speak from experience: People who simplify my problems obviously don't know how they feel. You may know it on light level or don't know it mostly, because I can obviously tell from how you speak you lack the experience with more serious stuff of THIS kind. I don't know what stuff you passed in general in your life, but my level of mental issues you obviously didn't.

I base what I write on what I read. You haven't given much to go on
In this case the right thing to do is to ask and try to understand further. Not conclude and throw advice on something you didn't get.

so what I write is generalized
Ok, how would you like it when I will generalize you. Everyone generalizes, you can atleast keep it to yourself if you don't bother to understand somebody further. 

Depression, believe it or not, is kind of a choice.
Why did you chose to be lonely then? If that's so much of a choice. Why did you chose not to be a millionaire? Mrs willpower.

You just sound like a basic *******. My honest opinion.
 
lol, okay let's go with this?

Why did I choose to be lonely (I'm not anymore, btw). Well, that would be because I allowed myself to believe I was a worthless piece of honeysuckle just like my abusive ex told me I was. I allowed him to beat me down until I was nothing. I allowed him to take away every sense of myself. I allowed him to make me believe that I had to be a certain way, act a certain way. I allowed myself to believe him every time he told me no one else would ever want me. It was my CHOICE to allow myself to believe those things. It was my CHOICE to stay with him for as long as I did. It was my CHOICE to stay until he left me on Christmas night. And then it was my CHOICE to try every **** thing I could to get him back because I allowed myself to believe everything he every said about me. It was also my choice to say no when a few years later he tried to come back to me. And then again the following year when he tried again.
Now, mind you, that may not seem like a choice to those going through abuse, but hindsight reveals a lot of honeysuckle you don't even consider when you are going through it. Even if you don't have any good options, there is nearly always a choice in life. As for the millionaire part of it, I would likely be a hell of a lot closer than I am now if I hadn't gotten married. If I would have went to law school like I had intended. I was even enrolled before I dropped out to get married. Guess what? You guessed it...another choice. However, I never wanted to be a millionaire. I don't want to be one. Money can't buy you happiness. I have myself back, I have my kids and I wouldn't change anything about my life, because while I've gone through what I've said and more, it made me into the strong person I am today.


As for the generalizing part. I didn't generalize YOU, I generalized MY ADVICE. And I do believe I did ask questions. I also believe you ignored said questions.
My rudeness? Just because you don't like what I say doesn't make me rude. And no, I won't apologize for giving my advice. You asked for advice. Did you honestly expect to only hear what you wanted to?
 
ShellShock said:
You're too tired to stay busy, but not too tired to stay tortured?  That doesn't really make much sense to me. 
Because you obviously have no idea how it is being in this situation. If you knew, it would make perfect sense to you. 
If you don't know how it feels, keep your "judgments" to yourself. 

Will you say the same to someone who is sick with cancer? You won't, it's not their choice to suffer. It just happens, it's a not controllable body process
unless you have right medications or some stuff like that.
"I'm not too tired to be tortured" gimme a break, you speak as if I am actively doing this to myself.
Fyi it's a neurological problem of the mind and I can't just snap out of it whenever I want to. Often when you try to get your mind unto other stuff you simply can't, it's stronger than you. But then again you gotta be in this situation, to have this sickness to understand how it is. 

NO I don't have spare energy to "inflict the act of suffering" upon myself, it's the act of suffering like a parasite drains me out. The opposite, I lose much energy trying to contain it.

In this case I am expected to "understand" you that you don't understand me and just trying to help me by contempting my issues. You can't understand - I don't expect you to, you didn't went trough this so you can't.. but you can't just go talk to people with mental issues in a blaming self righteous way or simplifying their problems in their face or just pushing them advice while you speak in a manner like they are stupid little weak willed children who just need to grow up. 
I don't care how socially acceptable this rude behavior is. I don't accept it.

Until now you didn't even mention it was a neurological disorder... you were only talking about the nightmares and sleep paralysis.
So it wouldn't be strange to assume you have some control over it.

I had a friend who suffered from sleep paralysis occasionally, he said it was terrifying. But he didn't have nightmares all the time, or at least he never told me that he did... and we talked a lot about our dreams and other off the wall subject matter.
I wonder if your anxiety about the paralysis isn't causing the nightmares and more paralysis incidents? Have you been to a doctor?

By the way this isn't mental illness (though perhaps you have a separate condition?)... it's just a malfunctioning part of your natural sleep cycle causing the sleep paralysis. Stressful, yes, but you can take steps to manage/prevent it.

webmd.com/sleep-disorders/guide/sleep-paralysis#1
 
Hey man, do not pay attention to Callie. She is like those grandpas watching the construction of a building. They criticize the work, they give advices on how to lay down the bricks without actually having ever built a house.

Everyone gets the same treatment from her, is kinda funny to see how she manages to get everyone angry. Maybe she has some rage issues with people and she needs to show that she is a tough and experienced woman. So do not get angry, basically is like talking with someone that says "need an engine? Take an engine", but with a serious tone. 

For the sleep issue, I don't really know what to say. I have a big fortune of having a very strong sleep and of needing as little as 4h per night, even if sometimes i like to sleep way more. Part of my easiness to sleep comes from my mental and physical daily fatigue and destruction through combat sports and studying. It's extremely easy to fall asleep when you are all tired.

And yeah, it sucks. Like, can't you try to hmmm document those things? Like trying to be more aware of the paralisis
 
I think a lot of people get angry with Callie because she cuts to the chase and offers sensible, useful advice - a lot of people don’t want to hear the truth. They want platitudes and ‘Oh, poor you...’
 
Th eRealCallie said:
lol, okay let's go with this?

Why did I choose to be lonely (I'm not anymore, btw).  Well, that would be because I allowed myself to believe I was a worthless piece of honeysuckle just like my abusive ex told me I was.  I allowed him to beat me down until I was nothing.  I allowed him to take away every sense of myself.  I allowed him to make me believe that I had to be a certain way, act a certain way.  I allowed myself to believe him every time he told me no one else would ever want me.  It was my CHOICE to allow myself to believe those things.  It was my CHOICE to stay with him for as long as I did.  It was my CHOICE to stay until he left me on Christmas night.  And then it was my CHOICE to try every **** thing I could to get him back because I allowed myself to believe everything he every said about me.  It was also my choice to say no when a few years later he tried to come back to me.  And then again the following year when he tried again.  
Now, mind you, that may not seem like a choice to those going through abuse, but hindsight reveals a lot of honeysuckle you don't even consider when you are going through it.  Even if you don't have any good options, there is nearly always a choice in life.  As for the millionaire part of it, I would likely be a hell of a lot closer than I am now if I hadn't gotten married.  If I would have went to law school like I had intended.  I was even enrolled before I dropped out to get married.  Guess what?  You guessed it...another choice.  However, I never wanted to be a millionaire.  I don't want to be one.  Money can't buy you happiness.  I have myself back, I have my kids and I wouldn't change anything about my life, because while I've gone through what I've said and more, it made me into the strong person I am today.  


As for the generalizing part.  I didn't generalize YOU, I generalized MY ADVICE.  And I do believe I did ask questions.  I also believe you ignored said questions.
My rudeness?  Just because you don't like what I say doesn't make me rude.  And no, I won't apologize for giving my advice.  You asked for advice.  Did you honestly expect to only hear what you wanted to?

Ok, so you allowed your ex to dictate your life.. how was your childhood growing up though?

Just because you managed to overcome something doesn't make you a professor on other people's problems so stop acting like a snob.
I am giving you self awareness on how you appear from the side, it is of course YOUR CHOICE to keep looking like an *******.
There is a BIG difference between an ex abusing your self esteem in adulthood and your self esteem abused when you're a child.
You definitely hasn't been in my shoes though and I bet if you would be you may even deal worse than I have been doing. 
Just because you passed some hardship with your ex, doesn't give you the right to go around and minimize other's problems.


 I have myself back, I have my kids and I wouldn't change anything about my life, because while I've gone through what I've said and more, it made me into the strong person I am today.  
There is pain that makes you stronger and there is pain that is just plain suffering. Sure choice matter with how you treat it and how you decide to see it, but it really really depends on the situation. Some people are unfortunate enough their own choice isn't enough, it just isn't. There is situation where the brain faces internal damages due to improper development which makes functioning in life harder. You make a choice, doesn't mean a broken brain may follow, it may even resist. Because it's broken and it's as real disease as cancer, dementia.. why don't you go criticize people with dementia... ah? That's considered too rude. But contempting and shitting on people with mental issues is SO SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE you don't think twice, maybe you also do it because it makes you feel superior so you feel less associated with the lonely losers. Because that's what normies do. 
Like there were times I didn't have a choice, I didn't chose to be born to my parents and don't accuse me as a child that I had much "choice" to not believe the brainwashing abusive honeysuckle they wanted me to believe. I tried to exert my choice being disobedient but that was far from enough!
You don't know me, I exerted a lot of choice I could to remain myself and somehow maintain my freedom, you barely know the tip of the iceberg about me.

As for the generalizing part.  I didn't generalize YOU, I generalized MY ADVICE. 
That's BECAUSE you generalized my story. And you wrote everything so confidently in reaction to it. Like a person who wrote comment for the sake of likes but forgot they are on a site without such system.
Do you know how much I heard the same stuff over and over from people who don't understand?
And I bet people with deep issues heard so over and over too most of them, there is a reason this cookiecut advice doesn't work!
And just because your advice is whack then it's time to BLAME us for being too retarded to make our lives better with your advice. Wow.

My rudeness?  Just because you don't like what I say doesn't make me rude.
Didn't you know it is considered rude to simplify and act like a snob towards people with mental issues on levels you don't understand?
FYI people with mental issues don't like their issues simplified in their face and cookiecut advice thrown at them, it's not that they are 15 and might be first time hearing it so they obviously have tried these coping ways, use common sense. 

IT IS considered rude to go talk like that to a person with confirmed and seen physical disease
BUT IT IS NOT considered rude at all to simplify mental issues of people and make them know over and over its all their fault.

No, this IS rude. And work on your self awareness. 

Why did I choose to be lonely (I'm not anymore, btw). 
If you are no more lonely what are you doing on this site? Because you don't know how to communicate generally, I can already see few people disliking your style, some of them wrote me in private I won't name.
It feels like you don't really give a f about helping but making yourself look superior, seeking for attention and just plain throw cookiecut advice and shallow accusations with a tone attached to it like other person is some immature moron, just because they can't be as magnificent as you are and magically solve things with merely "choice". It only still proves your life wasn't that hard. I wish basic ex abuse and some loneliness were my only problems, and I can tell you I will be as strong with my will to take control over my life with just "choice". 



P.S.
And first of all this is a thread about sleep issues, do you honestly even know what it is the problem I described? I don't talk about lite version of it but the very version of it. From how you sound you don't know mostly, but you try to defend somekind of reputation of yours now. lol.


ringwood said:
I think a lot of people get angry with Callie because she cuts to the chase and offers sensible, useful advice - a lot of people don’t want to hear the truth. They want platitudes and ‘Oh, poor you...’

Another generalizer, welcome.
 
kaetic said:
Until now you didn't even mention it was a neurological disorder... you were only talking about the nightmares and sleep paralysis.
So it wouldn't be strange to assume you have some control over it.

I had a friend who suffered from sleep paralysis occasionally, he said it was terrifying. But he didn't have nightmares all the time, or at least he never told me that he did... and we talked a lot about our dreams and other off the wall subject matter.
I wonder if your anxiety about the paralysis isn't causing the nightmares and more paralysis incidents? Have you been to a doctor?

By the way this isn't mental illness (though perhaps you have a separate condition?)... it's just a malfunctioning part of your natural sleep cycle causing the sleep paralysis. Stressful, yes, but you can take steps to manage/prevent it.

webmd.com/sleep-disorders/guide/sleep-paralysis#1

No, I haven't been to a doctor about SP. I was about other stuff but all I have now is these pills.
I very rarely have SP, there was a time long ago it was more prevalent. Just added it as the fact to describe the severity of my sleeping disorders.

And yes it's something in the complicated organic brain structure, somekind of damage... not some magical galaxy dust in my head I can control with a single will everything. Mental illness and brain damage go often hand to hand together, depends on the severity and growth conditions.


Unix said:
Hey man, do not pay attention to Callie. She is like those grandpas watching the construction of a building. They criticize the work, they give advices on how to lay down the bricks without actually having ever built a house.

Everyone gets the same treatment from her, is kinda funny to see how she manages to get everyone angry. Maybe she has some rage issues with people and she needs to show that she is a tough and experienced woman. So do not get angry, basically is like talking with someone that says "need an engine? Take an engine", but with a serious tone. 

For the sleep issue, I don't really know what to say. I have a big fortune of having a very strong sleep and of needing as little as 4h per night, even if sometimes i like to sleep way more. Part of my easiness to sleep comes from my mental and physical daily fatigue and destruction through combat sports and studying. It's extremely easy to fall asleep when you are all tired.

And yeah, it sucks. Like, can't you try to hmmm document those things? Like trying to be more aware of the paralisis

Sounds so lol
No I don't let her stuff to influence my general mood, but everytime I actively read something she says I have this reaction of being a little irritated at some of the stuff she writes. Some of the stuff sound like what my annoying mom would say.

Tonight my sleep was better than general but I have a far way to go it feels. I try to work on it.

And lol yea you are a lucky guy with your sleep. I am too about to go get busy in something interesting soon, I hope ill handle it and come out with more positive mindset that will aid me to sleep better.

I like combat sports btw, totally need to incorporate that in my life again.
 
ShellShock said:
kaetic said:
Until now you didn't even mention it was a neurological disorder... you were only talking about the nightmares and sleep paralysis.
So it wouldn't be strange to assume you have some control over it.

I had a friend who suffered from sleep paralysis occasionally, he said it was terrifying. But he didn't have nightmares all the time, or at least he never told me that he did... and we talked a lot about our dreams and other off the wall subject matter.
I wonder if your anxiety about the paralysis isn't causing the nightmares and more paralysis incidents? Have you been to a doctor?

By the way this isn't mental illness (though perhaps you have a separate condition?)... it's just a malfunctioning part of your natural sleep cycle causing the sleep paralysis. Stressful, yes, but you can take steps to manage/prevent it.

webmd.com/sleep-disorders/guide/sleep-paralysis#1

No, I haven't been to a doctor about SP. I was about other stuff but all I have now is these pills.
I very rarely have SP, there was a time long ago it was more prevalent. Just added it as the fact to describe the severity of my sleeping disorders.

And yes it's something in the complicated organic brain structure, somekind of damage... not some magical galaxy dust in my head I can control with a single will everything. Mental illness and brain damage go often hand to hand together, depends on the severity and growth conditions.

Brain damage? I must be missing a huge part of this conversation...

So the sleep paralysis was just additional, and it's not as big of a problem lately? That's good to hear.
Still if your main issue then is... Nightmares? (I swear I'm not trying to downplay, I get what it's like to not be able to sleep)
I would ask myself, what is going on with me lately that my mind might be trying to tell me to watch out for? Maybe that's a flaky way to say that...
But I believe that dreams are our subconscious's way of communicating with our conscious self.
Nightmares all the time, could be your mind setting off an alarm to let you know you need to fix something. Something you're probably already aware of...
You said that you have a pretty awful waking life, do you want to talk about that?
 
I hope that new interesting stuff works out for you ❤ 
And. 
I kind of see it both ways. A lot of people would benefit greatly from just sucking it up and power through it, yet for a lot of others that isn't going to work at all. Complex issues mixed with personality may keep a person trapped in this ever revolving hell. 

Have a nice day ShellShock. 🎈
 

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