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Lying to Ourselves and/or Others
#11
(09-11-2019, 10:48 AM)TheRealCallie Wrote:
(09-11-2019, 09:34 AM)harper Wrote: 1.  Imagine the future you want.

I don't really agree with this because it can cause similar problems.  I think a vague future is too big, which would make it too daunting.  I believe it's better to start with more short term goals.  Small ones that aren't so complex to finish.  That will help build confidence by showing them they can accomplish what they set out to do.

A long-term goal is a series of short-term goals in succession.
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#12
(09-11-2019, 08:59 AM)TheSkaFish Wrote: I can't seem to shake this idea in my head that I'm probably fucked, probably stuck at a low level in life in all areas (finances, ability, romantic relationships, etc.) and it doesn't really matter what I do because I'm probably just not good enough, and therefore no idea, no amount of work, no nothing that i come up with or can do will be good enough.  I'm probably too inherently, fundamentally, naturally conventional, ordinary, average, mediocre.  I just wasn't born with the right genetics, or whatever sauce makes a person special, and able to break into a good level in life.  

I don't know if this is a lie or not.

Advice wasn't really the point of the thread, so I'm sorry in advance. But to be honest, I don't think any of us can answer that for you. I tend to say a lot of mean stuff to myself too, usually when I'm upset about something. I rationalize what a loser I am because of anything that is irritating me at the moment. I'm not smart enough. I'm not thin enough. My hair is the wrong texture/color/length... Just some examples...

I think in my case it is a lie, those body image things are just excuses. Like I'm not going to suddenly be all zen just because I reached my goal weight, right? lol.

I do think it's good that you're questioning it. I think we all could benefit from questioning our beliefs from time to time. Smile
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#13
(09-11-2019, 01:48 PM)kaetic Wrote:
(09-11-2019, 08:59 AM)TheSkaFish Wrote: I can't seem to shake this idea in my head that I'm probably fucked, probably stuck at a low level in life in all areas (finances, ability, romantic relationships, etc.) and it doesn't really matter what I do because I'm probably just not good enough, and therefore no idea, no amount of work, no nothing that i come up with or can do will be good enough.  I'm probably too inherently, fundamentally, naturally conventional, ordinary, average, mediocre.  I just wasn't born with the right genetics, or whatever sauce makes a person special, and able to break into a good level in life.  

I don't know if this is a lie or not.

Advice wasn't really the point of the thread, so I'm sorry in advance. But to be honest, I don't think any of us can answer that for you. I tend to say a lot of mean stuff to myself too, usually when I'm upset about something. I rationalize what a loser I am because of anything that is irritating me at the moment. I'm not smart enough. I'm not thin enough. My hair is the wrong texture/color/length... Just some examples...

I think in my case it is a lie, those body image things are just excuses. Like I'm not going to suddenly be all zen just because I reached my goal weight, right? lol.

I do think it's good that you're questioning it. I think we all could benefit from questioning our beliefs from time to time. Smile

Not smart enough, not interesting enough/too boring, not fun and "cool", and just not good enough are my internal feelings.

But yeah, sometimes I do try to question it.  It helps keep me going knowing that I've been wrong about stuff before, so maybe I'm wrong this time too.  Just because I can't see a solution (yet), doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

Anyway, I thought this kinda fit but I'm sorry if I derailed your thread.
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#14
Sometimes we make unforgivable lies. Because we honestly feel the ends justify the means. The loved.

Or some, because they want something so badly they'll do whatever it takes to have it. The unloved.

It's hard to differentiate the two. And that's why it's also so heart-breaking as well....

You try to avoid hurting others but sometimes it really is unavoidable.... especially when you're hurting.

This is why, those closest to you hurt you the most. This is why I hope everyone sees eventually that we all share the same heart.

We just misunderstand each other with our minds and say things out of hurt. Incapable of being mindful of another's heart while stuck in our hurt.

Those are often the most heart breaking lies.

Or... in the most heart-breaking way....

You push people away because you don't see the potential in ourselves to stand up to "their" standards. When it's just... further misunderstanding...

When both people feel the same just their minds are in the way....

That universally forbidden romance....

As for other types of lies, I'll get to that once I stop feeling what I am feeling currently... Shame.
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#15
(09-10-2019, 11:56 AM)kaetic Wrote: What are some lies you tell yourself or other people about your specific situation?

Did you know you were lying?

What made you realize you were?

Did the lie help or hurt you and/or the other person?

-----

I'll go first.

"I'm fine. I have everything under control."
I didn't know I was lying.
Things just  got to the point where it was undeniable that there was a problem. I was/am lonely and depressed.
I think it hurt me, because you can't fix something if you refuse to see it's broken.

*You don't have to answer everything, I just did for the example.

“I’m OK”. That’s the lie I tell most often. To others, and to myself. I say it to other people because I know they don’t care. And I say it to myself because I know nobody else cares.
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#16
(09-10-2019, 11:56 AM)kaetic Wrote: What are some lies you tell yourself or other people about your specific situation?

Did you know you were lying?

What made you realize you were?

Did the lie help or hurt you and/or the other person?

-----

I'll go first.

"I'm fine. I have everything under control."
I didn't know I was lying.
Things just  got to the point where it was undeniable that there was a problem. I was/am lonely and depressed.
I think it hurt me, because you can't fix something if you refuse to see it's broken.

*You don't have to answer everything, I just did for the example.

I noticed I was lying to myself when I kept a diary. I wanted to be totally honest with myself within its pages but I wasn't. The fear that somebody at some time might read it (even after my death) meant that I had to present a version of events that showed me in a good light and not as the pathetic wretch that I actually felt myself to be. So I dispensed with the diary. But looking back, I think I might have resolved a particular romantic problem a lot sooner if I had worked through my feelings by truthfully writing them down.
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