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Lying to Ourselves and/or Others
#1
What are some lies you tell yourself or other people about your specific situation?

Did you know you were lying?

What made you realize you were?

Did the lie help or hurt you and/or the other person?

-----

I'll go first.

"I'm fine. I have everything under control."
I didn't know I was lying.
Things just  got to the point where it was undeniable that there was a problem. I was/am lonely and depressed.
I think it hurt me, because you can't fix something if you refuse to see it's broken.

*You don't have to answer everything, I just did for the example.
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#2
"Looking forward to travelling, settling down with a nice lady..."

I'm dreading the day I lose my dad. He's literally my only family, and we're close.
I still miss my mom horribly, and when it's just me, there will be nobody else who
shares the memories of her, us and my childhood. Brilliant man, and a real gentleman.

I'll carry on and travel, marry, etc. but there's so much I'll miss. So it's not like I'm looking
forward with a lot of pleasure. It's not a lie that affects anyone but me, but I recognize it
even as I say it.

Laurie Anderson said that when her father died, it was like watching a library burn down.
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#3
(09-10-2019, 11:56 AM)kaetic Wrote: What are some lies you tell yourself or other people about your specific situation?

Did you know you were lying?

What made you realize you were?

Did the lie help or hurt you and/or the other person?

-----

I'll go first.

"I'm fine. I have everything under control."
I didn't know I was lying.
Things just  got to the point where it was undeniable that there was a problem. I was/am lonely and depressed.
I think it hurt me, because you can't fix something if you refuse to see it's broken.

*You don't have to answer everything, I just did for the example.

I can relate to what you said kaetic. 
My standard answer is "I'm fine". 
I think I do it more for others convenience than mine. I don't have a problem opening up. Ofc it's easier with those I'm close to but... I dunno. 😔
Recent example was that I ran into the parents of someone I used to play with when I was a kid. They asked how I was and I put on a smile and told them that everything is fine. They don't really want to hear about how I'm doing, at least not the bad stuff. Same goes with my father. 
It is a lie I tell that shields others from my pain and problems. Sometimes when I say it I don't register it, other times it hurts.
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#4
I think we all lie to ourselves more than anything whether we're aware of it or not. Perhaps it's coping, a constant struggle, or something we feel we need to do. It's seemingly unavoidable and everyone lies. So, I hope that statement promotes more content in this post in fear of any judgement or "lack of purity". Big Grin

My biggest and most common lies are often in the same scenario as MissBehave.

I don't like to burden my problems on to others. Or, I say certain smaller lies about things to avoid being seen wrongly. It's never the intention of deceit but rather, avoidance of something I know can't be helped or certain will happen. The redundancy in small talk or just a giant waste of other people's energy, essentially. Why drag everyone down with you? Ya know?

*trying to lighten the mood a bit here* Toungue -- Of course, as kids I'm sure we all lied about breaking or doing something we shouldn't have out of curiosity or impulse alone. Haha!

And, I think it's sometimes almost impossible to not hurt someone. We can only do our absolute best to not do it to those we love the most in the very least. Being mindful and attentive to their needs. You just can't please everyone as someone is bound to feel hurt with either sharing or not sharing the truth. Sad
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#5
I won't post my examples because quite frankly...well, just no.

But, I lied to myself because I was too afraid to face it.  I've since worked through most of my issues. 

I lied to others because I either didn't want pity or I didn't want to be told I was only lying to get attention. Most people still don't know everything I've been through and it can stay that way.  In some cases, not even the other person involved in certain situations knows what really happened. 

Of course the lies I told myself hurt me, because it delayed facing the truth and resolving the issues.
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#6
"I'm surviving." Got mixed responses from that.
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#7
I can't seem to shake this idea in my head that I'm probably fucked, probably stuck at a low level in life in all areas (finances, ability, romantic relationships, etc.) and it doesn't really matter what I do because I'm probably just not good enough, and therefore no idea, no amount of work, no nothing that i come up with or can do will be good enough. I'm probably too inherently, fundamentally, naturally conventional, ordinary, average, mediocre. I just wasn't born with the right genetics, or whatever sauce makes a person special, and able to break into a good level in life.

I don't know if this is a lie or not.

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#8
I think a lot of it rests on how old you are. While it's important to evaluate yourself from time to time, try to resist the temptation to draw comparisons between yourself and others-- or of idealized versions of Reality. Especially when you don't really have a picture of what you want yours to look like.

The whole notion of "being good enough" depends on what you intend to do. Likewise, mediocrity. Even an appraisal of finances and abilities require a vision of where you want or need these things to be.

I don't know if you're even interested in help here, but the formula is:
1. Imagine the future you want.
2. Form a plan.
3. Keep moving!

Change the plan if you need to. Change your goal if you want to. But don't sit back passively and give in to despair... not at any age. You needn't be perfect; you only need to be as good as you need to be, if that makes sense.

Sorry for the lecture. I'll go back to my seat, now. :O)
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#9
(09-11-2019, 09:34 AM)harper Wrote: I think a lot of it rests on how old you are.  While it's important to evaluate yourself from time to time, try to resist the temptation to draw comparisons between yourself and others-- or of idealized versions of Reality.   
I whole heartedly agree with this. I can break down my life in decades and see how much I've changed in thought process. I also observed how people change. All the insecurities of youth disappear when new realities appear.
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#10
(09-11-2019, 09:34 AM)harper Wrote: 1.  Imagine the future you want.

I don't really agree with this because it can cause similar problems.  I think a vague future is too big, which would make it too daunting.  I believe it's better to start with more short term goals.  Small ones that aren't so complex to finish.  That will help build confidence by showing them they can accomplish what they set out to do.
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