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And Suddenly My Depression Spikes
#1
So for the first time in over a year, I have actively thought about the best way to kill myself.  As opposed to just hoping that some random event kills me.  I know what issue is causing me to feel this way, but I do not understand why my usual couping methods are not helping to make me indifferent to dying. Does anyone have advice on how I can make my usual methods work again?

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If suicide were not the answer. I would not constantly be thinking about it.
[Image: hpotato_otaku_kaichou_wa_maid_sama_side_...rd06-1.jpg]

Inspiration To Get In Shape... Applies to Everyone
A Huge Picture And a Smaller One. Also I call BS on your excuses
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#2
I don’t know what you can do to make your old method to work again. 
Just wanted to leave some sort of sign that I have ready your words. I get your feeling though. I’ve been up an down that same road myself, especially today. I have no idea what makes my methods work or not work, would guess it comes down to so many different things that I can’t make any sense of it. All I do know is that I have either moved mentally backward or forward.
I hope it gets easier for you soon. 🌸
[Image: tenor.gif]
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#3
Perhaps talking about the present issue that's bothering you would be helpful? Feeling down to whatever degree is never nice, especially when thoughts get this extreme.

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#4
Hi AFrozenSoul. Your signature suggests that you think about ending it alot. Why is that? What part of life are you unhappy or unimpressed with? What's your biggest motivator for you to end it for yourself?

I hope you find a coping method to get you through this episode. My last coping mechanism was chanting, "If I quit, I'm a shit" while standing under just an ice cold shower. I did that for prob 6 months until one day I realized I hadn't done it in a week. It ain't great, but it got me to tomorrow for 6 months or so. Today, I am glad I didn't make any permanent decisions during that period. At the time though, I could not see how anything would change. Full disclosure, nothing really changed in the world except for me. I had to become more acceptable of things I had no control over(read:other people). I don't have to like it, but I do have to accept it as reality. Humans are flawed. Not you though, or me, just them! 8-)

I'm hope you go out and find something fun to do. Take care.
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#5
The issue is that I am not a huge fan of interpersonal relationships. I find them to be exhausting, even with people who I have known for years. Yet for some reason I want to meet new people. I know that people are largly annoyed and disgusted by me, thus I get depressed and go over the edge a little. I understand humans are social creatures, but I am a broken human so this should not bother me this much.
My biggest motivator is boredom. I have nothing left to do or accomplish in my life that will be of any benefit. So I am just waiting to die really, and for a while that has been just fine.

That is an interesting coping method. However, I already have come to terms with being a shit. However, the cold shower thing might help a bit
If suicide were not the answer. I would not constantly be thinking about it.
[Image: hpotato_otaku_kaichou_wa_maid_sama_side_...rd06-1.jpg]

Inspiration To Get In Shape... Applies to Everyone
A Huge Picture And a Smaller One. Also I call BS on your excuses
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#6
(09-17-2019, 12:32 PM)AFrozenSoul Wrote: ...

Instead of quoting a wall of text. Your whole post sounds so familiar to me, I can empathize with it all. Is there a difference between delusion and imagination if you never stop imagining? Silly question.

Anyways, have you thought about being a vigilante? That seems dangerous and not boring at all. That's a joke only if you' might be offended if you knew I was quasi-serious. Not sure where in the world you are, but one backup plan for me is just walking into the forest and trying to live like a weird wildman hermit. Sure I will die, but it won't be boring and I'll be doing something I want to do but am not allowed to do. Or maybe you're one of those goody two shoes(I hope so) that would maybe find some meaning in volunteering for some old folks home(or animals or garbage pickup whatever). Or(and don't) do some hard core drugs for a few years and then try and get sober. That sounds like an interesting task. Or, take your shot at what you really, really deep down want to do but are put off for whatever reason. It's better to be doing what you want to be doing than to not be doing what you want to be doing.

You wanna share with the group what you really, really want to do in your life? Kidding!
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#7
(09-17-2019, 01:42 PM)RovoR Wrote: ......
I like the idea of just reclusing away from people.  Sometimes I wish I could wash up on a deserted island and just be alone forever.  That would be nice and fun for the most part.  However, returning to reality, I can honestly say I have nothing that I want to do with my life.  I accomplished my life goal of being able to support myself, so I have my own place to play video games.  I know it sounds kind of lame, but you know sometimes people are lame.  I have already accepted that I will never beat all the games that come out.  Really the only thing that I work towards is keeping my job.  I mean, I would be homeless if I was in a different industry.

I guess another problem is that I am trying to own my feelings.  I could easily blame my sudden spike on someone else.  However, I cannot let my feelings be so easily affected by others.
If suicide were not the answer. I would not constantly be thinking about it.
[Image: hpotato_otaku_kaichou_wa_maid_sama_side_...rd06-1.jpg]

Inspiration To Get In Shape... Applies to Everyone
A Huge Picture And a Smaller One. Also I call BS on your excuses
Reply
#8
Sounds like you're kinda set on the basics. Food, shelter, income. If you're not happy with what you have possession wise, that's easy enough to fix. It seems you're happy enough with what you have, so what do you think triggered the recent thinking? Are you an idealist and upset the world doesn't work like you think it should? Or is it more of a searching for some meaning in life? I have also been at a points in my life where I just say, screw it, I'm ok with being immature for a few minutes and then have my lil hissy fit temper tantrum about how the whole world is not to my liking. I hope this is helping someone lol, I feel silly at times trying to help when I'm such a mess myself. Hope you find some new\old coping mechanisms that work. Practicing gratitude got me through my 20's, but it wasn't an instant fix. Took some time, but it helped me at one point in life(still does). Hope something made\makes you laugh today!
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#9
(09-18-2019, 05:37 AM)RovoR Wrote: Sounds like you're kinda set on the basics. Food, shelter, income. If you're not happy with what you have possession wise, that's easy enough to fix. It seems you're happy enough with what you have, so what do you think triggered the recent thinking? Are you an idealist and upset the world doesn't work like you think it should? Or is it more of a searching for some meaning in life? I have also been at a points in my life where I just say, screw it, I'm ok with being immature for a few minutes and then have my lil hissy fit temper tantrum about how the whole world is not to my liking. I hope this is helping someone lol, I feel silly at times trying to help when I'm such a mess myself. Hope you find some new\old coping mechanisms that work. Practicing gratitude got me through my 20's, but it wasn't an instant fix. Took some time, but it helped me at one point in life(still does). Hope something made\makes you laugh today!

I love having temper tantrums. 😁 like, it’s the best to get that steam out. 
Hard finding those that can handle em though since tantrums work best when someone’s listening. ❤️
[Image: tenor.gif]
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#10
Right? Lol.
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