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Desperately Lonely
#1
I don't even know what I want out of posting this, apart from stating the fact that even as someone who was very outgoing, cheeky, big smile on his face, young (i am a 26 year old guy), vibrant and in the prime of his life, loneliness can really affect and get to anyone.
 
My friends and siblings are al married with their own families and I hardly ever see them. I say friends but since they have got married forget linking up, there is hardly ever a call or text even; not even a proper reply when I initiate, so I stepped back and none of them have stepped forward so all there is a deadly silence on the group chats, The chat that I ironically created, given the lonely loser I am.
 
As for  family well again siblings are married, we all work during the week, and weekends well that’s their family time so to avoid being the third wheel, I try not to intrude, so the only time i ever really see my siblings is if here is an occasion or event of sorts and even then there is nothing deep, just your "hi" and "how ae you" kind of thing.
 
My parents, well what a tragedy that is, not divorced but not properly together, i call it "semi-estranged" if there is such a thing.
 
I get up and try to be positive and smile, hope that today would be better than yesterday. I go to work and do my job. My lunch hour is spent alone and when I can face it I aimlessly wonder the streets and when I can't face it I just skip my lunch altogether and carry on working unpaid.
 
It really hits home when ironically i get home, the empty silent house awaits. I dread it, sometime staying at work late just to avoid it, Again unpaid. Apart from the TV there is no company, As I sit eating my dinner alone at the dining table, I often wonder why I even needed to fork out on dining table just to sit alone at it.
 
I say the TV is my only company but the tragedy is that sometimes i even mute or switch it off just so i can hear some form of human life from my home in the form of my next-door neighbour’s noisy kids. It’s sad actually and most people would find it annoying but it is sometimes the only thing that brightens my day up a little; to hear some form of life from my home, however faint it is.
 
I am off this week but have no one to spend it with. I am in good physical health but as I write this I do wonder, that if anything happened to me tonight and I died, I wouldn't be discovered till next Wednesday at the earlier, when I do not turn up to work after my leave. And the people who find me, my employer, would have the replacement in my job within a month.
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#2
Ohhh.. 
I’m sorry for your loneliness. You describe it so well and really take me into it when reading your words. 🌸
Maybe there is something you can do to change it? Some group meetup or a hobby you can have with other people? 
My loneliness is a little different. I have people around me but I’m still very much alone. They seem to live in a separate world to me even though I’m right there. Kind of hard to describe but.. yeah. 
How has your day been today?
[Image: tenor.gif]
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#3
Hi SLG. What do you do for hobbies or how do you fill your free time? Maybe if you went out and did you on your free time you might find some contentment in that. It seems like you have expectations from your family that are not being met. Expectations are a bitch lol. In fact, money might not be the root of all evil, expectations might be that root of all evil. A lil dramatic, but not far from the truth. Have you talked to your favorite sibling about this yet? Or anyone in your family to see if they might feel the same way?

Try not to take it personally. I get that's hard, but just know that it's prob not personal. Try to find some realistic things to do that do make you happy and I hope things start going your way. Take care of yourself.
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#4
I try to fill my time with football (i live in the UK) and go to the gym and do meet people but its never any deeper than at acquintance level, nothing ever deep to be honest and thats what saddens me really.

I don't exactly seclude or isolate myself as such but there there is only so many hobbies and activities to do. At the end of the day a dark quiet house awaits and that breaks my heart a little every time i set foot in it.

Thanks for asking, I've just spent most of today at the gym (as most of the time that I am not working) , a couple hours of exercise and then I was just hanging around the pool, sauna and jacuzzi.

Now sat in a coffee shop simply because i could not face sitting alone at home. The sad thing being I have spent quite a bit doing up he house after buying it, but i cannot stand being there a moment more than needed.

I know its not really personal, people are busy with their own lives, both friends and family, and thats fine I have stepped back aswell, to avoid being the third wheel and being the awkward guy. I just find the whole situation despairing though.

There isn't really a close sibling or friend anymore, and I'd probably be ridiculed even if i did mention anything. For now the only bit of comfort i get is to stay in public places avoiding my own home. I tend to hide it so well but a drunk guy saw right through me a couple of months ago and asked if i was disturbed but i smiled and pretended i was just tired. Which begs the question that how can those who are suppose to be so close not notice, not have a hunch or maybe they simply ignore it because they cannot be bothered or do not care.
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#5
I know all about dirty and dark secrets and how those close to me can’t see shit. A well groomed person suit can work so perfectly that some don’t see anything and combine that with most people not wanting to see anything uncomfortable, then you go invisible. At least, that’s my experience of it. And yeah, there are always going to be those cracks in that picture every once in a while. No one can wear it perfectly. 
Maybe you could try to find something more... hmm.. something more that gets you closer to people. A hobby or whatever that promotes deeper connections? 
A *hug* for you 🌸
[Image: tenor.gif]
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#6
Out of ideas to be honest, hobbies, atitivities, volunteering, they are al well and good and serve there purpose but you don't find deep onnections there, thats just a matter oif luck more than anything, and I just seem to have out of luck for a long time now
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#7
I hear you on all that SLG. I have 5 kids, 4 different mamas. I felt I loved them all. I was wrong, i only found that out when i finally met a woman in my 40's that helped me recognize a level of love i didn't know existed. I was also married and divorced in my 30's, that was nothing like the feelings i have now for my SO. Keep your chin up, you're 26. I was 40 before i met who I'm with now. Shitty hope I guess, but hope is hope. I do hope you find the "one" before 40, but if not, I hope you meet yours before you pass. It's great but it also stinks(love lol), I would do anything for my SO, but there's times I also want to throttle the ever living crap outta her...lol. Do you, be patient, pay attention, you'll find yours sooner or later. Best of luck and know that I agree in general to most the points you've made about others. They can be a selfish lot. I can't get upset at that though, I was a horrible kid/young adult.
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#8
I don't want to accuse anyone of being selfish and I don't want to be seen as jeal;ous of anyone else's life but would it hurt or is anyone really that busy to put a few hours a side a week, a fortnight even a month just for old times sake if nothing else, but there only so many "im busy" one can hear in the end.

You may have neen horrible as a kid/young adult, but im sure you have a beautiful heart and soul now or you wouldn't be on here supporting others. Thanks for your kind words and for reading my post, it is more than what most would do, may god always keep you blessed buddy.
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#9
That's a very kind sentiment, Thank You!
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#10
If you ever feel like talking then I’m all ears. 
I know it’s not going to replace anything but. Just saying. 
Yeah, RovoR is pretty cute. 😇
[Image: tenor.gif]
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