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I guess I will die...
#1
I read this article today:

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/how-t...ket-newtab

Based on that, I' don't have many years left it seems.

I posted here years ago, and nothing has changed in my life. Shitty childhood, abandoned and rejected by my parents, 15 schools in 4 countries in 9 years....

Marriage of 25 years ended 12 years ago when ex wife switched teams. Since then, 5 failed relationships:

  1. 2008: 8 months. I was her rebound it seems but didn't know it at the time. After 8 months, she left me for her ex boyfriend who was aware of the fun life she was living. We travelled to Europe, NYC, Chicago, weekend fun trips. He got jealous of her happiness and did the "I changed babae, I changed, I am sorry" and she went back and married him.
  2. 2008: 10 weeks. I was also her rebound but didn't know it at the time. Had a great fun time, travelled, and she was so happy. He crawled back out from under his rock, promised to stop drinking and apologized and said he would change. She went running back and married him. He died 3 years ago. She immediately hooked up with an unemployed drifter, and now they are living together.
  3. 2009 - 2012: 3 1/2 years. I was the second man she had ever dated after her ex husband. I cautioned her that she wasn't ready for a relationship, that she would awaken one day and resent how she settled so quickly. She assured me that wouldn't happen. Borderline Personality Disorder was strong with her (figured it out afterwards). We got along so well, I gave it a chance. 5 trips overseas, and after 2 1/2 years, we were living together. But right after she moved in, she had started a new job near here, met my replacement who lived the lifestyle of her ex husband (who had cheated on her and left her), and after a year she was gone. The woman who moved out bore no resemblance to the woman who moved in. They are now married and have become barflies at some pub an hour from here.
  4. 2013 - 2016: 3 years together, nerdy introvert like myself. Hit it off immediately. 3 trips overseas together and a bunch of trips here and there.  Got engaged after 2 years (she proposed to me). I was never so happy until that point. But, her son, 15 at the time, began selling weed to Grade 8 kids. Dealbreaker. I never did drugs, don't care for it, and it's a world I know nothing about. Once married, I stood to lose my home, career, savings, everything. I knew once married and living together, the police  would come to my house and ask me what I knew about some kid selling weed to 12 - 14 year olds...yeah, it would have been that bad. Mother understood and cut me loose. Now she is with a tow truck driver who has nothing to lose and probably keeps the boy in check. 
  5. 2017 - 2019: 2 years. Engaged after 1 year. We got along so perfectly, it was almost scary. But (of course there is a but...that's why I'm writing this) but a year ago, her youngest son, 22, was in a bad traffic accident, a passenger in a car that was hit. His injuries were so severe and debilitating, that his mother needed to give everything up and look after her son 24/7. She knew that because of this, she couldn't spend any time with me, and also cut me loose. Today, she is his caregiver and is No Contact because it hurt her more than it hurt me. Now before you judge, I'm 61, don't have many years left, and there are things I want to do, places I want to go to, and since the boy needs 24/7 care, there is only so much sacrifice one can do.
So, alone again (naturally) for the last 10 months. I tried going back on the dating sites but women have an age filter of 60, and my Inbox is empty. I'm still healthy and fit and good looking, have a good career and zero issues, no drama. My sons are 26 and 32, living their own lives. Only other family is my dad, 84, living in Europe. Pretty much all my friends are gone or dead.

I am so fucking lonely, it's beyond sad.

Based on that article I posted above, the aches and pains in all my joints that have no reason, now make sense. My uncle died alone. My cousins died alone. My grandfather died alone. My father will die alone (his wife #4 died 2 years ago). 

I will die alone. Sad, isn't it.

What really sucks though are the people who based on a few lines of text, are quick to judge and condemn instead of offering support. 

Wow.
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#2
I don't think you'll die soon!. 

It doesn't matter one "spouse changed teams" and all that stuff.
I hope, the day i'd die, I had an internet connection to watch this: https://youtu.be/VkW7MTLL8mI

Will you be challenged/invited to read about the Near-Death Experiences?

There are ppl calling them Near-Fear Experiences since most of them came when ppl feared they were to die SOON, so you could be advised...

The material I read, the ppl I met online and personaly brought me back to believe certain things I abandoned.

Please, don't feel disappointed when no one comes saying, "may I help" 'cos several of us do feel/are alone. 😔
I'll be all I want to be!
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#3
Hi, Voyager-- I'm 58, so maybe we're a little closer in mindset and circumstance.

I can't see anything to criticize here, really.  Hindsight related to bad relationships
as you describe them doesn't have a lot of diagnostic value because these are the
sorts of things that happen when you form relationships.  Things seem pretty good,
until they aren't.  Carrying grudges is no good, and you don't want to lose the ability
or desire to trust in future encounters.  

It sounds like you have pretty good sense, and had some pretty good times along the way,
however rocky and impermanent it's turned out to be.  Could happen to anybody, and it does.
Nothing wrong with your decisions to end it where the disabled and drug-dealing sons were
involved.   Everyone has to look out for themselves, and I'm sure I would have done the same.
Not that my judgment is great-- just saying I couldn't criticize you for any of that.

I don't even read most of the heartbreak around here anymore because it's almost always
the same frustrating thing:  "I'm a nice guy, and I don't want her to think I just want sex so
while I'm not asking her out, she's going out with a lot of not-nice guys..."   It plays out the
same way every time, and it never dawns on the guy that he needs to start thinking and
acting differently to achieve what everyone else has.

But that's not you.  I'd say your main problem now is that it's pretty hard to meet women
at our age.  Pretty sure I'll experience the same thing when I get back to the dating scene.
I can't imagine myself doing internet dating or intro services.  I figure I'll move someplace
a thousand miles away and immerse myself in exploring the area.  My social circles will
expand naturally and I'll find out for myself how difficult it is in middle age.  Or not.

Try not to lose heart--  Life can be mean, but it can also deliver some really great surprises.
I sure wish you the best of luck.
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#4
58 Voyager, you're younger than me and have had more serious relationships than me, and though I'm single and lonely too, I don't share the same apparent despair as you.  It's not for a lack and need of love and female companionship, since I've had too little of each in my life.  But, I'd say that it's my Christian faith's sense of self worth and purpose that helps counter life's deficiencies and difficulties.

I read the article you linked and will agree with at least one point made, that focusing on others helps counter one's own problems in life.  I'd suggest that directing our time and attention to knowing and loving the Lord more each day and reaching out to help others is a sure fire way to improve our outlook on life, including any loneliness problems.  I offer these two suggestions for you to ponder:

First, if you really are halfway attractive and in good shape, you should receive a lot of attention from the Asian girls found on web sites like asiandating.com and filipinodating.com. There's tens of thousands of women there of all ages desperately looking for true love and companionship, as well as some financial security in the world.  I think it's a good arena to play in and offers exponentially more female prospects for a man our age than what could possibly be encountered in daily life.

Second, while you're working on the female prospects, don't neglect the relationship you're meant to have with your Creator. That's the one that'll be most faithful and important in the long run anyway.  If you'll spend an hour or two each day working on that and seeking ways to help others, it'll change you and your life's perspective.
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#5
(09-21-2019, 07:00 AM)58 Voyager Wrote: I read this article today:

https://getpocket.com/explore/item/how-t...ket-newtab

Based on that, I' don't have many years left it seems.

I posted here years ago, and nothing has changed in my life. Shitty childhood, abandoned and rejected by my parents, 15 schools in 4 countries in 9 years....

Marriage of 25 years ended 12 years ago when ex wife switched teams. Since then, 5 failed relationships:

  1. 2008: 8 months. I was her rebound it seems but didn't know it at the time. After 8 months, she left me for her ex boyfriend who was aware of the fun life she was living. We travelled to Europe, NYC, Chicago, weekend fun trips. He got jealous of her happiness and did the "I changed babae, I changed, I am sorry" and she went back and married him.
  2. 2008: 10 weeks. I was also her rebound but didn't know it at the time. Had a great fun time, travelled, and she was so happy. He crawled back out from under his rock, promised to stop drinking and apologized and said he would change. She went running back and married him. He died 3 years ago. She immediately hooked up with an unemployed drifter, and now they are living together.
  3. 2009 - 2012: 3 1/2 years. I was the second man she had ever dated after her ex husband. I cautioned her that she wasn't ready for a relationship, that she would awaken one day and resent how she settled so quickly. She assured me that wouldn't happen. Borderline Personality Disorder was strong with her (figured it out afterwards). We got along so well, I gave it a chance. 5 trips overseas, and after 2 1/2 years, we were living together. But right after she moved in, she had started a new job near here, met my replacement who lived the lifestyle of her ex husband (who had cheated on her and left her), and after a year she was gone. The woman who moved out bore no resemblance to the woman who moved in. They are now married and have become barflies at some pub an hour from here.
  4. 2013 - 2016: 3 years together, nerdy introvert like myself. Hit it off immediately. 3 trips overseas together and a bunch of trips here and there.  Got engaged after 2 years (she proposed to me). I was never so happy until that point. But, her son, 15 at the time, began selling weed to Grade 8 kids. Dealbreaker. I never did drugs, don't care for it, and it's a world I know nothing about. Once married, I stood to lose my home, career, savings, everything. I knew once married and living together, the police  would come to my house and ask me what I knew about some kid selling weed to 12 - 14 year olds...yeah, it would have been that bad. Mother understood and cut me loose. Now she is with a tow truck driver who has nothing to lose and probably keeps the boy in check. 
  5. 2017 - 2019: 2 years. Engaged after 1 year. We got along so perfectly, it was almost scary. But (of course there is a but...that's why I'm writing this) but a year ago, her youngest son, 22, was in a bad traffic accident, a passenger in a car that was hit. His injuries were so severe and debilitating, that his mother needed to give everything up and look after her son 24/7. She knew that because of this, she couldn't spend any time with me, and also cut me loose. Today, she is his caregiver and is No Contact because it hurt her more than it hurt me. Now before you judge, I'm 61, don't have many years left, and there are things I want to do, places I want to go to, and since the boy needs 24/7 care, there is only so much sacrifice one can do.
So, alone again (naturally) for the last 10 months. I tried going back on the dating sites but women have an age filter of 60, and my Inbox is empty. I'm still healthy and fit and good looking, have a good career and zero issues, no drama. My sons are 26 and 32, living their own lives. Only other family is my dad, 84, living in Europe. Pretty much all my friends are gone or dead.

I am so fucking lonely, it's beyond sad.

Based on that article I posted above, the aches and pains in all my joints that have no reason, now make sense. My uncle died alone. My cousins died alone. My grandfather died alone. My father will die alone (his wife #4 died 2 years ago). 

I will die alone. Sad, isn't it.

What really sucks though are the people who based on a few lines of text, are quick to judge and condemn instead of offering support. 

Wow.

Hello 58 Voyager,  Just joined this site today.  Wanting to poor my emotions out, nt expecting anyone to really take any notice, just  my way of venting my feelings and thoughts.  I then came across your posting and its like reading my notes!  I'm sorry to read about your lost of love and the last love having to walk away from one love to care for another. This does show her morals and a mothers love is so strong she gives up what her heart wants.  I would like to say I'm bloody lonely too.  I don't want to die alone either.  Im 61 too, but I don't feel I am old and have many years to live and to share my love with someone special, that's my dreams and hope. I have also tried dating sites, men are only after sex, which is fine but not for me I want something a lot more meaning.  Maybe we could talk?   Sharn
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#6
I don't agree with this: "men are only after sex, which is..."

I could be ill-biased or disappointed for FEW, but there are bunches out there who realized they grew (some went cold) and some clients at the age of 80 still miss young ppl and old ones.

Best wishes!
I'll be all I want to be!
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