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This Has Been A Long Time Coming
Hello, world and all who inhabit it! Just a fair warning, this post is a bit long, so prepare yourselves.

Lemme start off by saying that I'm not new here per se. I joined over a year ago in July 2018 and I've been a lurker ever since; I'm just now mustering up the courage to put myself out there. Well, “putting myself out there” might be the wrong phrase, but we've all gotta start somewhere. So, I guess I should start off this introductory post by… introducing myself and explaining why I came here in the first place. The name's Blue Lace (as far as you know), and I'm a twenty-one-year-old bisexual aspie from the Southeast U.S.

I joined ALLF because I suffer from near-crippling social anxiety thanks to severe bullying in middle and high school, so social interaction of any form, even online, is extremely difficult for me. Since I graduated from high school three years ago, I have literally starved myself of all social contact outside of immediate family because I can barely bring myself to look a stranger in the eye, much less talk to and connect with them. I am desperate to change that.

But I bet you're wondering, “Then, why did you wait a year before posting anything?” Well, after multiple bad experiences with trying to socialize and connect with people in the past, I stopped myself from giving this place a fair chance. I convinced myself that I didn't need other people to lead a happy life and that it was better to be alone than risk being abandoned and/or manipulated all over again. For a long time, I was convinced that it was true. Then, my mother got into contact with an old high school friend of hers and I began to realize just how lonely I really was.

She had someone she could talk to, someone she could rely on, someone she could have a good time with — most people do — and me? I… didn't, and that realization hit me like a ton of bricks. I was (and still am) completely alone, and that is a horrible feeling. I'm sure some of y'all can relate, right?

Now, let me make something clear: I do not want to be pitied, I didn't tell you all of that to garner sympathy. I told you all of that so you can take into account where I'm coming from and why it may take a while for me to truly open up and really get comfortable with interacting with the other users here. So, if I’m slow to reply or I never respond at all, then don’t assume you did something wrong. It’s not you, it’s me.

Wow, that was... one Hell of a first impression. Let's try and lighten the mood again, shall we? What else is there to tell y'all about? Um… people are interested in interests, right? Well, first and foremost, I'm an aspiring author and an avid gamer; if you're wondering what I'm doing at any time of the day, then it's probably either reading, writing, or playing one of my favourite video games: Fallout 3, New Vegas, (heavily-modded) Fallout 4, Subnautica, and No Man's Sky.

Other interests include outer space, gemstones and minerals (hence my name and avatar), cats, science-fiction, the post-apocalyptic and dystopian genres, memes, cartoons, anime and manga, Japanese culture in general, cats, mythology, music from the 1970s and prior, and did I mention cats? Yeah, cats. Do not hesitate to send me pictures of cats. Moving on.

Aaand that's all she wrote. If you want to talk, then my figurative door is always open. I may not be good at socializing, but I’m willing to try and, hopefully, get better at it. Just… don't come to me for small-talk, I suuuck at small-talk and it WILL get awkward. Anyway, it's nice to meet y'all, and I hope it's nice to meet me too! Until next time, this is Blue Lace, signing off.
I have to say, that was quite the first impression. It was very thorough, and full of substance. Which says a lot in itself. It also screams to me that you are not your anxiety and "awkwardness". You are far more underneath and you most certainly will flourish under the right conditions. I see an awesome individual that's been invisible and should be allowed to be seen.

I think you just need to find authentic and caring people to look past the surface in order to overwhelm your anxieties with more experience and possibly give more self-confidence over time. The indifference and alienation of others who failed to get to know you out of misunderstanding due to foreignness and the uncomfortable-ness of seeing someone they cannot piece together. They subconsciously cast you out in fear. So, that tells them to chase you and your 'foreignness' away. That's the best way I can explain a bully without going into a full-on ramble lol. When, it's simply, depth, Not different than anyone else. Another-words, find people unlike those you've dealt with in the past perhaps. More open-minded and fluid company. Even if they were known to be bullies or abusers in the past. Truly listening to anyone from any walks life in a more mature form, is most certainly enlightening.

I very much admire how well you wrote all that and the bravery along with it. You're fighting for what you want and you're putting yourself out there in hopes something clicks. And with your tastes (which are very similar to my own), I sense a interest in human potential, wonderment, and an old soul perhaps? Smile

Let me just say, I like to feel we aren't far off from one another and you are most certainly in like-minded (at least some) company here. And I really hope you find comfort in that.

Welcome! Kinda? Since you've already been here all this while in your own way. Hope to see more of you. Big Grin
That was a nice intro ❤️
We will try to take good care of yah 🤗
How's it going today?
[Image: tenor.gif]

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